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Guest Emailed Asking What The "Dress Code" Is

orwhatuwillorwhatuwill member
First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
A good friend of my father's emailed me with a couple of questions about the wedding. One was "what is the Dress Code" My FI and I are in disagreement in how to respond to this.

She wants to say: "Though not a black tie event, we have a vision that includes everyone in fancy dress!"
I want to say: "Our venue does not have a required Dress Code, please wear what feels the most comfortable."

While It is possible that this guest does want to be told directly what to wear...I'm just not quite sure how to respond. What do you think? Are either of our initial responses above are acceptable? Any suggestions?
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Re: Guest Emailed Asking What The "Dress Code" Is

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    huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited November 2013
    What type of venue is your wedding at? I think your wording is much better than your FI, but comfortable could mean jeans and a tshirt, so be cautious with that word.  Since someone specifically asked, I think it's ok to tell them. Do you want people in suits and cocktail dresses (which to me is typical wedding attire, but I know everyone is different)?

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    NYCBruinNYCBruin member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I would split the difference and say something like "Our venue does not have a required dress code, please feel what feels the most comfortable.  I know that X, Y and Z are planning on wearing A, B and C"

    I think your FI's response is inappropriate (too much trying to tell someone what to wear).  While your proposed response is etiquette appropriate, the guest will probably find it unhelpful/annoying.  If he or she took the time to write you an email asking about the dress code, he or she is probably hoping for information on what other people will be wearing so he or she doesn't feel out of place.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
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    HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    I agree that your FI's answer is too much trying to tell people what to wear and have them fit her vision.

    Just say, 'Our wedding and reception aren't black tie, but they are formal, so cocktail attire is perfectly accecptable.'
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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    manateehuggermanateehugger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I'd roll my eyes really hard at your FI's response. What your guests wear is not about your vision.

    I'd give examples of what you know some friends and family will be wearing or examples of what the wedding party is wearing (e.g. "Well our bridesmaids are in satin cocktail dresses and I'm sure most people will be in similar cocktail attire..."), but also throw in a line about wearing whatever is comfortable for her or him. 
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    mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer
    You don't mention if the emailer is male or female. If it was a man keep your answer very simple and very concise once you've covered the pleasantries. "Black tie. Formal. Semi-formal. Business causal, etc." Men do not desire to read or hear about anyone's wedding vision. If it was a woman, go ahead with giving examples if you feel the need to really expand on the topic. 
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    WedReMix13WedReMix13 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    We told people:  What attire is requested?
    Dress Casual. Something you would wear to church but if you would like to dress up more feel free!


    Married 11/12/05 ~ Renewed Our Vows 11/9/13. 

    "The LORD will fight for you, you need only be still."


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    agborenszteinagborensztein member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    I understand that you're not supposed to tell your guests what to wear,  but this person specifically asked for this information. If I was trying to figure out how dressy an event was and the only answer I got was "whatever you feel comfortable in", it wouldn't be very helpful, it's a little too vague.  I think it's reasonable to say "semi-formal" or give examples of what other people are wearing.
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    misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    alisonmarie658 said:
    I would give examples of what other people were planning to wear as well. 
    Your wording is much, much better. I want to vomit when people say 'their vision' for their wedding. 

    The quoted is also really good advice. 
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    doeydodoeydo member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    There is no dress code, so I would tell her that.  If she still asks "But what should I wear?" you can give examples of what some other people are wearing so she can get a feel for the formality or whatever it is she is looking for.
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    orwhatuwillorwhatuwill member
    First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    Great advice all!

    This is what I ended up going with:
    "Our venue does not have a required dress code. In talking with some guests, I think that most folks may choose to wear semiformal attire, for example, I know that our moms plan to wear dresses and our dads plan to wear ties with jackets. We certainly don't want folks to feel that they need to wear tuxedos or evening gowns as it is not a black tie event!"
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