Wedding Woes

I have nowhere to go for Thanksgiving

Dear Prudie,
My boyfriend and I met and fell in love three years ago, while we were both married to other people (we both have children). My marriage ended quickly. He felt he should try to work it out with his wife, but this past summer they filed for divorce. We brought our relationship out in the open. I know what we did was wrong, and I’m ashamed that it’s part of our history. My family accepts that we’re together. His family blames me for his divorce and thinks that I’m with him only because he’s financially stable. They stay in contact with his ex-wife and refuse to acknowledge my existence. His mother told him that it would be better for his kids if he moved away and let his ex-wife have sole custody. This Thanksgiving my kids are with their dad, and his kids are with their mom. My parents are going away to see relatives but I can’t join them. My boyfriend decided to spend Thanksgiving with his parents and siblings and their families, even though I’m not welcome. I understand that he wants to see his family. If we’re going to have a future, though, at some point he’s going to have to insist that we’re a package deal. Is it reasonable for me to still be punished in this way? Maybe I should just accept that I have to spend a solitary Thanksgiving.

—Scarlet Letter

Re: I have nowhere to go for Thanksgiving

  • so she was married to 1 of 4 men and is now dating the 2nd of 4?
    Wzz
  • Bed. Made. Lie. 

    Maybe she should take the day and volunteer somewhere, so she can get out of her own narcissistic worry for a change. 
    image
  • if she didn't see the red flags when he tried to work things out with his wife, i can't imagine that her issues are all sudden and problematic. she should just go to the movies on thanksgiving.
  • That's the fallout of relationships that start out as affairs. His family may never accept you and you may need to deal with that. 
  • show up at his parents house unanounced and put them in there place or run for the hills you want a man whos family excepts you
  • Why should his family accept you?  You helped tear apart his family, which may or may not have happened anyway, but it was you.  Now, their grandchildren have to deal with divorce, a split family, and the public knowledge that their father really hurt their mother.  Leave these people to enjoy the holiday as best as they can and deal with the fact that you are a home wrecker.  
    Notice, they did not disown their son, and probably never will.
  • Why should his family accept you?  You helped tear apart his family, which may or may not have happened anyway, but it was you.  Now, their grandchildren have to deal with divorce, a split family, and the public knowledge that their father really hurt their mother.  Leave these people to enjoy the holiday as best as they can and deal with the fact that you are a home wrecker.  
    Notice, they did not disown their son, and probably never will.
    Whoa there. I don't have a ton of sympathy for this woman but you are calling HER the homewrecker and not putting the man's choice to leave his wife on him?  The man chose to leave his wife and kids - in my eyes that is worse than being the other woman.
    orwhatuwillmimiphin
  • @kmmssg you are absolutely correct, the man cheated on his wife.  I am saying that his family is not going to welcome her with open arms.  She is not their relative and is a stranger who helped cause their loved ones, children at that, a lot of pain.  They both made horrible choices, but his family, in the end, will still accept him, as they have.  She will always be the "other woman" to them.
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