My FI and I have been engaged for 1.5 weeks. Yesterday, my FMIL sent me a long email asking if I was going to register for gifts, suggesting places to register, asking to be included when I register, and then alluded to wanting this all done quickly because her friends have been asking about sending engagement gifts. I responded in what I thought was a polite way, saying that I was planning on registering much closer to the wedding because I had heard that otherwise things on the registry might end up discontinued/out of season, but that I could try to put together a registry at one store now if that is what she wanted. I also mentioned that I didn't want to offend anyone by not inviting them to the wedding if they sent a gift, so to please check with FI about who is on the guest list before distributing the registry info. She then wrote back a VERY long email explaining how she and her friends and neighbors always get engagement gifts for newly engaged couples, and do not expect to be invited to the wedding, and her friends would be giving us cash for the wedding, not gifts, so the registry is useless to her if it's not available NOW (but that, of course, we don't have to register and in that case her friends will just send us whatever they like).
First of all, the email was very condescending, which upset me. Part of the reason I'm posting about this is to vent my frustration that the first real interaction we've had about the wedding was so negative.
However, I am also curious about what others think about the etiquette of distributing a gift registry to those who ask for it, knowing that the majority of them will not be invited to the wedding. I think that if they would like to send a gift or card of their own choosing, that is very kind, but I am somewhat opposed to generating a list of things for them to get us, as that suggests that we want/expect gifts, and I don't. Frankly, we don't even have use or space for gifts right now, so the majority would have to be stored or returned.