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June 2014 Weddings

Mission Impossible..Vent

TeriBeri06TeriBeri06 member
10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
edited November 2013 in June 2014 Weddings

My FI and I have never made joint decisions before, and attemting to do so now has left us kinda irritated with each other. I'm starting to think that planning a wedding and trying to find a house in another city is probably a bit much. Generally my FI has no opinion about things, until he does. I am a planner, I like to start collecting my options several months in advance and suprisingly he's an "oh, we're two weeks out lets throw something together" So, needless to say, this is more about the house hunt than it is about the wedding. (Even though he's done this in planning as well). For the last four or five months, I have been collecting and maintaining a list of possibilities. My FI gave me a budget and we discussed what we were looking for in a place. He said as long as it was in budget we could go for it. Fast forward, the budget he gave me is no longer what he wants to spend, and he feels like he's well within reason to change his mind after I did ALL the work. I was willing to compromise and find something he'd like, but after he said "He could dictate the final selection if he wanted to..." and suggested that the relationship we have is similar to an employee manager relationship, I was done. For some reason he thinks I treat money like a 7 year old. Told him he could pick whatever place he wanted...but that I would no longer be involved in the search. Funniest part is my mom and I are slated to go to the new city next week, plane tickets, hotel, and rental care booked. -_- I'm really worried that maybe we don't work very well together, and he totally stubborn so if there is any fault to be had on his side, he won't see it for a couple of weeks. I was a jerk and I know this...the last thing I said to the man, after he told me I needed to work on being a better listener and that I should stop making things about me was " Sure. I'll work on that. Right after I learn how to make big girl decisions with my money."

*Slaps back of hand*

Re: Mission Impossible..Vent

  • There are a lot of red flags here.  I suggest some couples therapy work through these issues consider postponing the wedding especially if you are worried as you said you don't work well together.  I'm a planner also FI isn't, but in all of the joint decisions we've had to make lately with buying a home and wedding planning we haven't had one fight or conflict.  If you are worried about working well together I would talk to someone or even bring it up to him.


  • Yeah how you guys handle situations is just something you need to work out.  But everyone has those same issues.  It's good you have identified them and now you can work them out.  Communication is key, that's our hardest thing.  I too am a planner and FI is very laid back.  I get frustrated when we doesn't have an opinion or acts like he doesn't know anything, until he points out that I just need to tell him what I've already gone through in my head, he can't read my mind.  But now that I know that I can vocalize my thought process alttle more and it's worked well so far.

    On the house front:

    -it's totally normal and ok to change a budget.  Home buying is a huge investment and can be scarry if you haven't taken on that much debt before.  Did FI maybe think about future budgeting alittle more when changing what he was comfortable on spending.

    -Have you looked into a buyer's agent?  They are great!  They do all the work for you, you just tell them what they like.  Their comission is also generally already built in to a realator's fee on the seller's side so they cost you nothing.  Also, when you or FI have concerns about price, locations, features, etc those are taken to the agent and the stress is not put on you. 

  • I agree with PP, the comment he made about 'dictating final decisions if he wants too' sends GIANT red flags to me. It's very controlling, and that is not o.k. I think you need to sit down and have a very real conversation about all of this and the things he said. If he really believes what he said is o.k., and how things will work then therapy needs to be sought and the wedding postponed until he can grow up a bit and realize that a marriage is about compromise, communication, and doing things together. 
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Your fiancé sounds like a dick. Do not marry him until you go to counseling.


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