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What the hell did I agree to do?

mblake525mblake525 member
25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My MOH just got engaged a few months ago. They are planning for a summer of 2015 wedding. She is already starting to grow scales and consider attacking Tokyo while wearing a veil. After she asked me to be a bridesmaid, she looked at me and said, "I wanted to ask you to be my MOH but felt obligated to ask my roommate, because we live together. Don't worry though! You still get to do all the MOH duties like throwing my shower. She just gets the credit and the title." I asked for clarification. She replied, "Oh, you get to plan everything and host it at your house. If anyone asks though, say she planned it. That way, her feelings won't get hurt that she couldn't plan one." WTF? I would have happily offered to throw a shower for her until that very statement. Now, I don't want to. Really? I'm getting assigned duties and told to pay for parties at my house without getting any credit to avoid hurting this girl's feeling. Nope. 

I would've been 100% fine with everything if she had said, "I would like you to be a bridesmaid. Roommate is my MOH." Right on. Ask whomever you want. It is the reasoning and entitlement that is pissing me off. I just let looked at her like she was insane and let it go. I still have plenty of time until I have to worry about all that. This is going to be a LONG engagement...
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Re: What the hell did I agree to do?

  • JeeGooDowsterJeeGooDowster member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    And this MOH is your good friend!??
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  • mblake525mblake525 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
    She is my best friend. I think this wedding is making her insane. It must be something in the water that they give you at bridal shops. She is normally very sweet and considerate. I was shocked when she said that to me. 
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  • ktjanesmomktjanesmom member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    Its hard for me to believe that she really said that its SOOO bad.
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  • mblake525mblake525 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
    My FI was sitting there and even he looked at her like she was insane. I should have recorded it.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    If she's your best friend, do you have the kind of relationship where you could talk to her about this? If not or you anticipate a bridezilla response, just let it go. If its not til summer of 2015, the shower wouldn't be until spring 2014 at the earliest.
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  • smalfrie19smalfrie19 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    That is NUTS! I would NEVER agree to that!
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  • mblake525mblake525 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
    southernbelle0915 said:
    If she's your best friend, do you have the kind of relationship where you could talk to her about this? If not or you anticipate a bridezilla response, just let it go. If its not til summer of 2015, the shower wouldn't be until spring 2014 at the earliest

    Stuck in the box: 
    I plan on just letting her act crazy until it gets closer. No need to stress or start a fight over it now. Just wanted to share my shock that she actually said that to me.
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I ditto @southernbelle0915. If she's your MOH, do you have the kind of relationship where you can just sit her down and have a come-to-Jesus talk with her about it?

    I agree that if you anticipate a bridezilla response you might want to let it go, but my other fear would be that it's going to get worse in the coming months.

    I mean, if she's this bad NOW -- what on EARTH is she going to be like as you get closer to the wedding?
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I probably would have told her I was busy that weekend...and every weekend in 2015...
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Send her here! We'll straighten her out.
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  • hlvonbhlvonb member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    mblake525 said:
    southernbelle0915 said:
    If she's your best friend, do you have the kind of relationship where you could talk to her about this? If not or you anticipate a bridezilla response, just let it go. If its not til summer of 2015, the shower wouldn't be until spring 2014 at the earliest

    Stuck in the box: 
    I plan on just letting her act crazy until it gets closer. No need to stress or start a fight over it now. Just wanted to share my shock that she actually said that to me.

    @mblake525

    I can kind of understand not wanting to start a fight over it but I honestly think that you should sit down and have a talk with her. Letting her act crazy (In my opinion) is the easy way out. If you let her continue to act crazy, its going to backfire later. Talk to her now. She may not realize how she sounded / came off when saying that to you. I am in NO WAY standing up for her but I do think you need to talk to her.

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I think you should have a come-to-Deity meeting with her and tell her that you are not willing to sign on to be her unpaid wedding coordinator.  If she wants you to do those things, then she should sign a contract with you and compensate you for your time and expenses.  Otherwise, she needs to hire a professional to do it for her.
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  • Rebl90Rebl90 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    She sounds like a peach.   

    I agree with the majority in my thinking, I would talk to her asap. If you come to her later explaining that you do not want to host a shower/bachelorette/anything else she demands because of reasons x, y, z, then she is going to be upset because you didn't say anything sooner.  I'm  willing to bet that she'll still be upset if you tell her now, but she needs to recognize how her behavior is making you feel. Even if you do want to host the shower, I would say, "Hey Sally, I would be honored to throw you a shower, but I'm not comfortable giving someone else the credit for it, I will be spending a great deal of time and money and it would not be honest to give Jane credit for everything". 

    Just my opinion :)
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  • emmyg65emmyg65 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    I also vote having a chat with her. Part of the reason I have friends is so they can (nicely) call me on my shit if I get out of line. 
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  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Another vote for talking to her.

    What does the MOH say? Does she want to take credit for a patry that you host?

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I would just tell her that you don't want to step on the toes of MOH but you'll work with MOH to do what you can to help make sure that things go smoothly & just offer to MOH that if she needs any help with planning the bridal shower or bachlorette party to let you know and leave it at that. The costs of any special pre wedding events shouldn't fall on just one person of the bridal party unless that person offers to pay for everything.
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  • MNVegasMNVegas member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    I'd talk to her now and nip her zilla behavior. If she is acting like this now she will only get worse as the planning goes along. Also how does she know her MOH will not want to plan her shower, etc?
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I vote to smile and nod at the Bride, ignore her demands, talk to the MOH privately a la what @Erikan73 said.

    No need to get the Bride all over worked and pissy now, months before the showers would be held.  Sounds like she is going to be a PIA, high strung diva bride, so better to deal with it when the situations are relevant, and not borrow trouble now.  I doubt a Bride who would have the audacity to tell the OP this kind of crap is going to change her ways after a Come to Jesus talk.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • PlumPeachPlumPeach member
    10 Comments
    I would definitely talk to her.  This is your opportunity to establish your boundaries.  If you don't do it now, she will continue to walk all over them without ever knowing it's a problem.
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  • BelthilBelthil member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer

    I vote for talking to her sooner rather than later, and I really like @Rebl90's wording.

    I also think it's pretty early to be planning a shower for a 2015 wedding and situations can change so if she brings it up again I would try to bean dip her.

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