invite who?

ashley8687 · March 2010

So I have a dilemma! I have a very close family friend who has two children who I adore. Recently her husband had a stroke and is currently brain dead, she however has moved on and has a new boyfriend who I dislike. My mother insists that to keep peace I must invite her with a guest and the children. However I do not want this guy at my wedding… What should I do to avoid a huge blow out?

alixzafiris · March 2010

Be the bigger person and invite him. You probably won't even notice he's there at the end of it all.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2010

Is this a joke?

If she's in a relationship, she gets invited with her SO. You don't get to pick and choose the SOs of friends who you want to invite. Period.

scoetto · March 2010

Invite her with a guest. Alix is right.

amagwire · March 2010

Wait a second...her husband recently became braindead, but has moved on and now has a boyfriend? I hope you skipped some details there.

If she's got a b/f he should be invited.

beatlesgirl25 · March 2010

How long have they been together? Do you have a cutoff for length of relationship that you are holding other unmarried guests to? I would make decisions for all guests based on that cutoff and not make it personal.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:515a5c9d-4761-4a6c-861f-1832d1f099f9Post:2ed6c7b7-130b-433d-a7aa-80d018b804cc">Re: invite who?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait a second...her husband recently became braindead, but has moved on and now has a boyfriend? I hope you skipped some details there. If she's got a b/f he should be invited.
Posted by amagwire[/QUOTE]

Yeah, like the fact that he's been brain dead for 2 years, or that they were in an open relationship, or that he has a living will specifying she start dating again ASAP.

kikibaby · March 2010

Waaaait... she's still married to the brain dead husband, but has a boyfriend?

I don't know how I feel about that. I'm a little shocked, but IDK... would it be worse if she divorced him? That would seem mean, but I guess she can't be expected to be alone forever. Oi, what a conundrum. You've got me thinking...

Mrs.B6302007 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:515a5c9d-4761-4a6c-861f-1832d1f099f9Post:3da77441-2d20-40a8-a88c-d476f39993d6">invite who?</a>:
[QUOTE]So I have a dilemma! I have a very close family friend who has two children who I adore. Recently her husband had a stroke and is currently brain dead, she however has moved on and has a new boyfriend who I dislike. My mother insists that to keep peace I must invite her with a guest and the children. However I do not want this guy at my wedding… What should I do to avoid a huge blow out?
Posted by ashley8687[/QUOTE]
Yes, she needs an "and guest".

beatlesgirl25 · March 2010

I am also curious about the timeline here. Not to be crass, but if someone is braindead, doesn't that usually mean it's over? I thought coma patients had at least some brain activity so people wait and see if they'll wake up.

That's why I was wondering how long she's been with this guy. It sounds like he might be pretty new, hence my question about the cutoff.

alixzafiris · March 2010

Listen to MrsB, she is as ever, wise.

ashley8687 · March 2010

he had the stoke about a year ago, they have been together since the summer. The kids hate him, its messy and also causes a lot of tension in the family, hence why I wasnt planning an invite. Also the wedding is small. I want to be the bigger person and will mostly likely invite to keep peace but just wanted some other opinions....

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2010

Is he aware of how everyone feels about him? He may just decline the invite to keep the peace. But the proper thing to do is invite him and allow him to make that decision.

kikibaby · March 2010

If I were her kids, I'd probably hate him, too, even if he was a great guy. Their Dad just had a stroke and is basically dead, and a few months later she's got a new boyfriend she's bringing around? WTF?

Mrs.B6302007 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:515a5c9d-4761-4a6c-861f-1832d1f099f9Post:deb962a8-9844-4432-af89-74cbe85ac6e6">Re: invite who?</a>:
[QUOTE]Listen to MrsB, she is as ever, wise.
Posted by alixzafiris[/QUOTE]

Oh, Alix, get your lips offa my asss. ;-)

alixzafiris · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:515a5c9d-4761-4a6c-861f-1832d1f099f9Post:7f4ca4f2-9186-46a6-a009-8cad244e065b">Re: invite who?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: invite who? : Oh, Alix, get your lips offa my asss. ;-)
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

But I'm trying to say hi to Baby B dammit!

ootmother2 · March 2010

Weird situation and I'd be iffy on this one. She is stilll married no matter what condition her husband is in. How do you think her children would feel if you included him?
That might make the decision for me.

Mrs.B6302007 · March 2010

OP- that is really a sucky situation. I don't think I'd be ready to move on to dating that soon but maybe she just needs a sense of "normalcy". I can't blame her kids either. It's not like dad's really buried and dead and they're not divorced so I can see where they probably feel like mom is selling dad out. BF is probalby getting the biggest part of that anger b/c it's easy to blame the stranger more so than your own mom.

All of that aside, she's been through alot as well and it would be nice to let her have a social evening out with a date where she can have fun and not have to think about all the heavy stuff going on at home. ETA: let the "is it right or wrong" of the situation remain between her and her kids.

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

Why do I get the impression she's been dating him since before the summer? Like, since before the stroke.

Mrs.B6302007 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:515a5c9d-4761-4a6c-861f-1832d1f099f9Post:20cb1b85-92d5-42f5-af57-ccb57720ca2b">Re: invite who?</a>:
[QUOTE]Why do I get the impression she's been dating him since before the summer? Like, since before the stroke.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]
I actually was thinking that myself.

Mrs.B6302007 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:515a5c9d-4761-4a6c-861f-1832d1f099f9Post:50379ad7-c932-408a-a546-ae2fee024c3e">Re: invite who?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: invite who? : But I'm trying to say hi to Baby B dammit!
Posted by alixzafiris[/QUOTE]
BabyBee wants to know when the two of you get to go shoe shopping?

alixzafiris · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:515a5c9d-4761-4a6c-861f-1832d1f099f9Post:118801c5-e27b-4a7b-a395-d8f89b03578c">Re: invite who?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: invite who? : BabyBee wants to know when the two of you get to go shoe shopping?
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

I'm thinking when I come down to hover excitedly around WWoHP she's going to need some cute little booties. Mmhmm...

ootmother2 · March 2010

If she was seeing him before the stroke as well, no, I would not invite him. That's just rubbing her kids faces in it.

squirrly · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:515a5c9d-4761-4a6c-861f-1832d1f099f9Post:ae855fc5-cfa3-409b-b303-81aaf2e167f7">Re: invite who?</a>:
[QUOTE]If she was seeing him before the stroke as well, no, I would not invite him. That's just rubbing her kids faces in it.
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]

Yeah. . . if this is an extramarital affair that got easier because her husband had a stroke, I am not sure I could invite the BF. It would be a bit crass, most likely, to invite the husband, but it's what I'd WANT to do. Just out of curiosity, why has she stayed married? It's possible to divorce someone in this situation, and frankly, is often done due to the cost of healthcare for the braindead SO. It makes them a ward of the state, generally, and then Medicaid pays.

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