No proposal, messed up hair and back fat at wedding, and a fall at the reception!

snljunkie · December 2013

And did I mention a terrible photographer, leading to pictures that are ruined forever!

I really don't want to sound ungrateful - we spent a lot of $$ and my husband pretty much said "okay" to most anything I really wanted, and most of the wedding and reception was gorgeous and nice. However, oh my, there were some blunders that I can't get over! First, my (now) husband did not propose, and I take responsibility for that alongside him, because I did want to pick out my own ring and I did urge him to "get on it!" and ask me already. So, I ordered my ring, it arrived, and we went out to eat at a nice steakhouse to celebrate. He asked me at some point during the meal if I wanted him to get down on a knee and I told him no. That was it.

At the wedding, the venue we used gave us 30 minutes to get changed before showtime, which caused my mother to be super stressed and try and put my dress on without unlacing it entirely and messing up my just-done hair, and then lacing it too tight, causing the back fat over the back of the dress (in all of my pics, of course!) And, my boobs weren't taped correctly either due to the rush, so in all of the pictures, my beautiful gown is misshaped in areas. At the reception, there was a misplaced rug and when I pulled out my chair to sit, I fell! Right in front of everyone and right as I arrived and all eyes were on me! On top of that, the mixed small crowd of about 20 made for one awkward dinner. And then when we got our pictures back, they were terrible. This venue had multiple photographers, and there were complaints of none! Of course, we got the bad one. (And I'm not being particular, there were multiple pictures that she tried to do, one that ended up with half of something cut off from the picture and multiple with so many flaws!

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is, ladies, learn from me and don't push your man into the proposal, let him do what he's going to do, make sure you have more than 30 min to get dressed pre-ceremony, make sure to try on the gown a few times prior to the wedding, and GET A GOOD PHOTOGRAPHER.

And if you've already been through all of this mess, know that your wedding was probably not as bad (and humbling) as mine.

I really would like to know, A) am I being a brat about it all, and

how do I get over a should-be-a-once-in-a-lifetime event turning out to where I don't want to think too much about it and I don't want to share/display pictures?

ShesSoCold · December 2013

snljunkie said:

And did I mention a terrible photographer, leading to pictures that are ruined forever!

I really don't want to sound ungrateful - we spent a lot of $$ and my husband pretty much said "okay" to most anything I really wanted, and most of the wedding and reception was gorgeous and nice. However, oh my, there were some blunders that I can't get over! First, my (now) husband did not propose, and I take responsibility for that alongside him, because I did want to pick out my own ring and I did urge him to "get on it!" and ask me already. So, I ordered my ring, it arrived, and we went out to eat at a nice steakhouse to celebrate. He asked me at some point during the meal if I wanted him to get down on a knee and I told him no. That was it. At the wedding, the venue we used gave us 30 minutes to get changed before showtime, which caused my mother to be super stressed and try and put my dress on without unlacing it entirely and messing up my just-done hair, and then lacing it too tight, causing the back fat over the back of the dress (in all of my pics, of course!) And, my boobs weren't taped correctly either due to the rush, so in all of the pictures, my beautiful gown is misshaped in areas. At the reception, there was a misplaced rug and when I pulled out my chair to sit, I fell! Right in front of everyone and right as I arrived and all eyes were on me! On top of that, the mixed small crowd of about 20 made for one awkward dinner. And then when we got our pictures back, they were terrible. This venue had multiple photographers, and there were complaints of none! Of course, we got the bad one. (And I'm not being particular, there were multiple pictures that she tried to do, one that ended up with half of something cut off from the picture and multiple with so many flaws!

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is, ladies, learn from me and don't push your man into the proposal, let him do what he's going to do, make sure you have more than 30 min to get dressed pre-ceremony, make sure to try on the gown a few times prior to the wedding, and GET A GOOD PHOTOGRAPHER.

And if you've already been through all of this mess, know that your wedding was probably not as bad (and humbling) as mine.

To all the bolded, you did these things to yourself. You basically proposed to yourself and now you're complaining that you never got a proposal. You should have done your research with the venue and gotten dressed somewhere else if 30 minutes wasn't long enough. It's not your mother's fault that you had backfat. And I really hope you taped your own boobs.. The "misplaced rug" - move it or pay attention. The bad photographer- again, do your research - you should have requested one with several good reviews.

Also, you're married, right? Stop complaining.

rajahmd · December 2013

I'm sorry, I just can't get over that you basically forced your now husband to propose to you, and yet are complaining you didn't get a proposal. You did get one, just not some crappy extravaganza you dreamed of. Yeesh.

snljunkie · December 2013

Thanks for the honesty - and just to clarify, we did a lot of research on the venue, but the reviews/info did not show a 30 min window. We actually didn't find out about that until we received the agenda shortly before the date (we were already heavily invested). I guess you are right about the back fat, although the dress seamstress did instruct her not to lace it too tight when we tried it on. The rug was already placed under the table and we had just gotten there and were distracted by everything else, food, family, friends, each other, my tight dress...really, I think you might cut me a little slack there. The restaurant could have placed this more thoughtfully. Again, we did research on the photographer, and none that the Wynn hotel offered had bad reviews (we didn't get to choose our photographer).

I appreciate your response and you honesty, however, I do think you could have been a little more sensitive. Anyway, no worries. I get it. I'm probably being a brat.

snljunkie · December 2013

Okay RajahBMFD, I admitted my fault in it. And actually, I've never dreamed of a big thing - however, imagine never having a story to tell or a good feeling when you look back at it all because you ruined it. Should you pay for that forever? I don't think so.

ShesSoCold · December 2013

You're right, I was probably a little harsh. But it really grinds my gears when someone goes out of their was to complain about a good thing. This is your first ever post here and it's to whine about how terrible your wedding was. No wedding is perfect and with better planning, most of your issues could have been avoided. Except slipping, of course. That shit seems to happen at the exact moment you don't want it to the most.

But at the end of the day you have a husband who is, at the very least, very flexible, accommodating and willing to please you. That should make everything else that happened mean nothing.

snljunkie · December 2013

We'll have to "agree to disagree" about the better planning part. My husband and I are over-thinkers, over-researchers, and over-users of electronics (iPads, iMacs, iPhones). We spent countless hours looking into this stuff. Sh*t happens and this was the first time we had planned a wedding. However, I do appreciate your more softened response and boy, did you nail it on the head with your last comment about my husband. He definitely is those things. Sincerely, thanks, and Happy Holiday season!

HisGirlFriday13 · December 2013

You've posted two posts on two boards, both of them complaining, and when people have commented, you have rebutted and argued with them.

You're clearly seeking attention. And I ditto PPs on everything else.

rajahmd · December 2013

snljunkie said:
Okay RajahBMFD, I admitted my fault in it. And actually, I've never dreamed of a big thing - however, imagine never having a story to tell or a good feeling when you look back at it all because you ruined it. Should you pay for that forever? I don't think so.

But you do have a story to tell: you bought the ring together and went to dinner to celebrate. Just because it wasn't the storybook on bended knee proposal doesn't mean it wasn't a proposal. Sorry, but I just can't be very sympathetic about that.

thejucheidea · December 2013

snljunkie said:

Okay RajahBMFD, I admitted my fault in it. And actually, I've never dreamed of a big thing - however, imagine never having a story to tell or a good feeling when you look back at it all because you ruined it. Should you pay for that forever? I don't think so.

What is the purpose of the story? It has been MONTHS since anyone asked me how my husband proposed -- in fact, I think those questions ended a couple of weeks after we got engaged. Who cares if there's some special story? Neither of my parents can even remember their proposal, and they've been successfully married for thirty years. What a silly thing to get upset about.

And if you spent so much time researching your venue, how is it that you didn't know about them only giving you thirty minutes so that you could mostly prepare elsewhere? It's their policy -- you have to be up on the policies of your venue or you'll get bitten. Same goes for photographers -- did you not know which person in the pool would be assigned to you? If you didn't, then man, I would have been looking for another venue. The most important thing to me was the photographer and I wouldn't stand for having no idea who was going to photograph things for me -- I also liked having her shoot our engagements first so that we knew she was good for our wedding.

You have a lot of first world problems.

misshart00 · December 2013

Yeah, I don't feel sorry for you. Everyone has mishaps during their wedding. You move on and get over it. As for not having a proposal story, that's your own fault. You can't just buy your ring and say we're getting married. It should be a mutual thing. You did that to yourself.

You could always demand a redo proposal and redo wedding. I'm sure that will fix everything.

rajahmd · December 2013

thejucheidea said:

snljunkie said:

Okay RajahBMFD, I admitted my fault in it. And actually, I've never dreamed of a big thing - however, imagine never having a story to tell or a good feeling when you look back at it all because you ruined it. Should you pay for that forever? I don't think so.

What is the purpose of the story? It has been MONTHS since anyone asked me how my husband proposed -- in fact, I think those questions ended a couple of weeks after we got engaged. Who cares if there's some special story? Neither of my parents can even remember their proposal, and they've been successfully married for thirty years. What a silly thing to get upset about.

And if you spent so much time researching your venue, how is it that you didn't know about them only giving you thirty minutes so that you could mostly prepare elsewhere? It's their policy -- you have to be up on the policies of your venue or you'll get bitten. Same goes for photographers -- did you not know which person in the pool would be assigned to you? If you didn't, then man, I would have been looking for another venue. The most important thing to me was the photographer and I wouldn't stand for having no idea who was going to photograph things for me -- I also liked having her shoot our engagements first so that we knew she was good for our wedding.

You have a lot of first world problems.

I ♡ you. Ditto all of that.

thejucheidea · December 2013

Also, instead of bending down on one knee, my husband jumped out of a closet and almost made me shit myself, so... yeah.

shaylagirl · December 2013

o.O

My husband didn't propose; I bought my own E-Ring and Wedding band off Craigslist (hey, I'm thrifty). My MOH was in a car accident 5 minutes away from my sister's house the morning of the wedding, which threw off my time schedule. She was okay and the other person involved was okay. AND? My wedding started late, I didn't get all the photos I wanted, and my sister and mom and bestie had to rush me in to my gown. We left all the bouquets behind, so had the limo turn around making us later still (thankfully, someone else grabbed them and raced us to the chapel).

So.What.

You're married. So you don't have some "cutesy" proposal story? Who cares? Your husband offered, and you declined. So, that's 100% on you. So yes, you do get to "pay for that forever". That's your fault, not his.
So you don't like your photos. Yeah, that's not pleasant. But, you're married, right?

I mean, how would you even "fix" all of these First World Problems you're grumbling about?

You could potentially do a photoshoot with your photographer of just you in your dress if you want, but that's about all I've got.

So, yeah. Welcome to married life.

emmyg65 · December 2013

I actually think it's BECAUSE you're a huge planner that you're so bummed now. There's a lot (A LOT) in life that you just can't plan, and your expectations can really get in the way, as you've seen. I had backfat on my wedding day too, but I refuse to care. I look so happy in the photos, and we look so in love. I'm sure your photos are the same way. Surely you can find one or two of them to display.

snljunkie · December 2013

Thanks for the responses, everyone. I have often thought of hiring a photographer to take more pics of us in our wedding attire - we'll just have to lose some of the first year weight first. I've actually asked my hubby to re-propose one day, for an anniversary or something, but I do know that's completely up to him since I rushed him and he didn't really get the opportunity to make it his own thing.

RE: the photographer, yes in hindsight I probably should have booked elsewhere if they didn't tell us who the photographer was upfront. We did ask and they said it depends on who is available but there have been no complaints of any - and the multiple online reviews confirmed that. Also, no, it's not a policy to give you an agenda months before your wedding, when they book your venue. But you know what? We live and learn.

RE: first world problems. Thanks for reading my posts of venting, ladies. I've not complained for over a year now since I got married and needed to get it out a bit. Do I think these are major problems, HA, no! My husband is Indian, lived here 15 years now, and we just recently traveled to India (for me to meet his family) - seeing the poverty there was so fucking heart breaking. The climax of this was seeing an infant lying naked with it's family on the concrete in a busy intersection sleeping - OMG - I have no delusions that I have major problems. Just to clarify.

I do appreciate the softened responses - the ones that don't rip me a new asshole - haha! Have a good day to everyone, not just the more supportive people.

PrettyGirlLost · December 2013

snljunkie said:

Thanks for the responses, everyone. I have often thought of hiring a photographer to take more pics of us in our wedding attire - we'll just have to lose some of the first year weight first. I've actually asked my hubby to re-propose one day, for an anniversary or something, but I do know that's completely up to him since I rushed him and he didn't really get the opportunity to make it his own thing.

RE: the photographer, yes in hindsight I probably should have booked elsewhere if they didn't tell us who the photographer was upfront. We did ask and they said it depends on who is available but there have been no complaints of any - and the multiple online reviews confirmed that. Also, no, it's not a policy to give you an agenda months before your wedding, when they book your venue. But you know what? We live and learn.

RE: first world problems. Thanks for reading my posts of venting, ladies. I've not complained for over a year now since I got married and needed to get it out a bit. Do I think these are major problems, HA, no! My husband is Indian, lived here 15 years now, and we just recently traveled to India (for me to meet his family) - seeing the poverty there was so fucking heart breaking. The climax of this was seeing an infant lying naked with it's family on the concrete in a busy intersection sleeping - OMG - I have no delusions that I have major problems. Just to clarify.

I do appreciate the softened responses - the ones that don't rip me a new asshole - haha! Have a good day to everyone, not just the more supportive people.

Sometimes people need tough love to see how ridiculous they are being. . .

clarke10 · December 2013

snljunkie said:

Thanks for the responses, everyone. I have often thought of hiring a photographer to take more pics of us in our wedding attire - we'll just have to lose some of the first year weight first. I've actually asked my hubby to re-propose one day, for an anniversary or something, but I do know that's completely up to him since I rushed him and he didn't really get the opportunity to make it his own thing.

RE: the photographer, yes in hindsight I probably should have booked elsewhere if they didn't tell us who the photographer was upfront. We did ask and they said it depends on who is available but there have been no complaints of any - and the multiple online reviews confirmed that. Also, no, it's not a policy to give you an agenda months before your wedding, when they book your venue. But you know what? We live and learn.

RE: first world problems. Thanks for reading my posts of venting, ladies. I've not complained for over a year now since I got married and needed to get it out a bit. Do I think these are major problems, HA, no! My husband is Indian, lived here 15 years now, and we just recently traveled to India (for me to meet his family) - seeing the poverty there was so fucking heart breaking. The climax of this was seeing an infant lying naked with it's family on the concrete in a busy intersection sleeping - OMG - I have no delusions that I have major problems. Just to clarify.

I do appreciate the softened responses - the ones that don't rip me a new asshole - haha! Have a good day to everyone, not just the more supportive people.

He can't "re-propose". You're already married.

As for only have 30 minutes to get ready at the venue, this is why you ask LOTS of questions before choosing a venue.

baconsmom · December 2013

I told my husband our wedding date - that was the proposal - and my mother sent me an heirloom ring because I wasn't sure I really wanted one, and *she* thought it was important I have a diamond. I don't wear it anymore (nor my wedding band). And, I had fat-fat for my wedding. It's in all the pictures. TEH HORRORZ!

Are you married? Then the day was a success. I'm happy for you that you live such a charmed life you can still be upset about this shit months later. Perhaps you could look into volunteering somewhere, and shunt all that energy into doing something good? It might help your perspective.

thejucheidea · December 2013

snljunkie said:

RE: first world problems. Thanks for reading my posts of venting, ladies. I've not complained for over a year now since I got married and needed to get it out a bit. Do I think these are major problems, HA, no! My husband is Indian, lived here 15 years now, and we just recently traveled to India (for me to meet his family) - seeing the poverty there was so fucking heart breaking. The climax of this was seeing an infant lying naked with it's family on the concrete in a busy intersection sleeping - OMG - I have no delusions that I have major problems. Just to clarify.

Could have fooled me. I've lived in the third world too, and it just made me appreciate what I have no matter what. I can't imagine being so upset about such insignificant things a year in the future. I think I'm less upset about the break-in to our house earlier this year that led to the loss of both thousands of dollars of important things and my piece of mind than you are about back fat and tossled hair.

rajahmd · December 2013

Thanks for the responses, everyone. I have often thought of hiring a photographer to take more pics of us in our wedding attire - we'll just have to lose some of the first year weight first. I've actually asked my hubby to re-propose one day for an anniversary or something, but I do know that's completely up to him since I rushed him and he didn't really get the opportunity to make it his own thing.

RE: the photographer, yes in hindsight I probably should have booked elsewhere if they didn't tell us who the photographer was upfront. We did ask and they said it depends on who is available but there have been no complaints of any - and the multiple online reviews confirmed that. Also, no, it's not a policy to give you an agenda months before your wedding, when they book your venue. But you know what? We live and learn.

RE: first world problems. Thanks for reading my posts of venting, ladies. I've not complained for over a year now since I got married and needed to get it out a bit. Do I think these are major problems, HA, no! My husband is Indian, lived here 15 years now, and we just recently traveled to India (for me to meet his family) - seeing the poverty there was so fucking heart breaking. The climax of this was seeing an infant lying naked with it's family on the concrete in a busy intersection sleeping - OMG - I have no delusions that I have major problems. Just to clarify.

I do appreciate the softened responses - the ones that don't rip me a new asshole - haha! Have a good day to everyone, not just the more supportive people.

Seriously, what is the point in having him re-propose? You can't get married again. What's he going to ask you, "will you still be my wife?". That's a stupid idea honestly, and sounds disrespectful of the fact that he thought he had given you what you wanted, but that apparently wasn't enough. I feel for him. He probably feels like he can't do anything right.

misshart00 · December 2013

You realize that you can have a grand, beautiful anniversary date (or any date) without it involving a fake proposal, right?

PrettyGirlLost · December 2013

snljunkie said:

I've actually asked my hubby to re-propose one day, for an anniversary or something, but I do know that's completely up to him since I rushed him and he didn't really get the opportunity to make it his own thing.

Oh FFS, there you go again! You can't seem to get out of your own way, can you? Stop being so pushy and controlling, it's why you didn't get a proposal in the first place:

snljunkie said:

First, my (now) husband did not propose, and I take responsibility for that alongside him, because I did want to pick out my own ring and I did urge him to "get on it!" and ask me already. So, I ordered my ring, it arrived, and we went out to eat at a nice steakhouse to celebrate. He asked me at some point during the meal if I wanted him to get down on a knee and I told him no. That was it.

You are married now, moveon.org.

tmclawchick · December 2013

BWAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

*gasps for breath*

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

tmclawchick · December 2013

Alright sorry, now that I've stopped laughing, let me get to your questions.

A) Yes. You sound selfish, entitled, and incredibly insecure. Between this post and your other gem you posted today, I really think you should get into some sort of therapy. No joke there. You seem to place such a high importance on material things, in order to make up for things that happened to you in the past.

How do you get over it? You remind yourself that there are thousands and thousands of people in this world who have much bigger problems than less than perfect pictures at their wedding. Hop on a news site or watch a documentary and get a little perspective, lady. The world owes you nothing, not even a perfect wedding day. You are married. Therefore, your wedding day was a success.

Seriously. The more I read your crap the angrier I get.

vt&dt · December 2013

Wow.

Just curious, does anyone know what a re-proposal from a husband to a wife would even be?

"Will you, uh, not break the vows we already made?"

"Will you be my wife? You are already.... so thats cool."

artbyallie · December 2013

Asking him to re-propose because the first one wasn't good enough is such an asshole move. And after you're already married at that. Of course, this man must already have the patience of a saint for not running for the hills after you demanded that first proposal. One wonders what he will say when you tell him you don't like the ring (that you helped pick out anyway).

KatWAG · December 2013

Wait, you have been married a year and are still hung up on all this stuff?

kerbohl · December 2013

Asking him to propose again is out of the question. In fact, you may owe him an apology - maybe it was his fault for taking too long to propose, but rushing him, then denying him the opportunity by going too fast, and then to ask him to propose on an anniversary . . . I can't see him NOT having his feelings hurt by your reactions and requests. Yeah, I highly recommend having a chat with him that involves an apology.

laurafrank79 · December 2013

Making the decision to get engaged comes from two people who want to spend the rest of their lives together. That in itself is an amazing thing- feel lucky you found that, enjoy being married and get excited for the things to come.

Anaelsea · December 2013

Why dont you 'propose' to him for a vow renewal ceremony somewhere special just the two of you? like a tropical island? Also, I think the fact that you chose/ordered the ring yourself took away any surprise factor that could have been in existence

No proposal, messed up hair and back fat at wedding, and a fall at the reception!

Re: No proposal, messed up hair and back fat at wedding, and a fall at the reception!

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