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Christmas stand-off

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,
Our daughter "Amanda" lives in another state and has been married to "Jacob" for several years. Theirs is an open relationship, and I have always known that. My husband, however has kept his head in the sand regarding this. My daughter has a boyfriend, "Tom,” whom Jacob knows about and has a great friendship with. They are all planning to come to our home this Christmas, but my husband insists that Tom (who has visited us previously) is not welcome. Do I tell our daughter, son-in-law, and daughter's boyfriend to make other holiday plans? My opinion is that they are all consenting adults, there are no children involved, and always behave appropriately in public.

—Stuck in the Middle With Him

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Re: Christmas stand-off

  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Does Dad think they'll be sexing each other on the living room carpet while he's trying to open presents? I mean, I guess he's entitled to his opinion about his daughter's life, but what's more important to him: telling her how to live, or enjoying her company? 

    I dunno. I just can't see myself getting all worked up about Bacon bringing home a couple of people. It's her life, not mine, so what's it to me? If she likes people, the more the merrier. 

    Of course, I am the crazy liberal black sheep of my family, so maybe I'm not one to talk. Especially since we never go home for the holidays. 
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    So:

    1.  Dad ain't stuck with his head in the sand as much as Mom thinks OR he dislikes Tom for some reason and doesn't want him there.  Mom need to talk to Dad and find out why.

    Other than that, I don't see how this is different from parents/other relatives being uncomfortable with someone's same sex partner.  Adults deal with situations they're thrown into for family holidays that they usually wouldn't choose to be in.  Dad can be an adult for a few hours.
    �
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  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    if they're all appropriate, who would even notice?

    (I say that as someone whose family picks up people w/o other places to be for holidays, but, not that hard to deal with/pretend it doesn't exist)
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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    This really pisses me off.
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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    How so, Kuus? The daughter, the mom, the dad, or the brother husbands? 
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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    The dad.  His daughter has a family that includes three adults, and the dad is just refusing to recognize anyone who doesn't fit into his view of what a family should look like, just truncating it where he thinks families should stop.  It's as asinine as if I were to invite over a family that has seven kids, and just invite the parents and two kids because I think more than that is more kids than a couple ought to have.
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