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XP: Feel weird about the bridal shower

afox007afox007 member
1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Posted in 2nd weddings, but know there's more traffic and great advice here!

My MOH is also engaged and last night I was thinking about planning her bridal shower. My big concern is her first wedding was only 4 years ago. She got divorced right before her 2nd anniversary. Her wedding isn't until next Oct or Nov so I have plenty of time, but does it seem weird and gift grabby to have a shower only 5 years after her last one? She was already saying she would be registering for a lot of the same stuff since what she didn't lose in the divorce she sold since she saw it as a reminder of her ex. 
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Re: XP: Feel weird about the bridal shower

  • jneen101jneen101 member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    She sold the gifts she received at her last wedding and is now registering for more? Hahahah no. That is so rude. Don't throw her a shower!!
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    afox007 said:
    Posted in 2nd weddings, but know there's more traffic and great advice here!

    My MOH is also engaged and last night I was thinking about planning her bridal shower. My big concern is her first wedding was only 4 years ago. She got divorced right before her 2nd anniversary. Her wedding isn't until next Oct or Nov so I have plenty of time, but does it seem weird and gift grabby to have a shower only 5 years after her last one? She was already saying she would be registering for a lot of the same stuff since what she didn't lose in the divorce she sold since she saw it as a reminder of her ex. 
    This strikes me as very, very weird. If I were invited to the first shower and wedding, and invited again, and saw that she was re-registering, I would side-eye it. 

    If you don't feel comfortable hosting a shower, you're free to decline.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • afox007afox007 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    I would be more than happy to throw the shower since we had lost touch before her first wedding and I wasn't a part of it. I just know most of her guests were there the first time around and already gave gifts. Is it possible to do some sort of prewedding party for the women she's closest to as a tea or lunch without people assuming it's a shower?
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  • Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    afox007 I think this is a very thoughtful and appropriate solution! I can understand not wanting to keep things that remind you of your ex, but nevertheless, it was her choice to sell perfectly good working items and if I were a guest, I would have asked her what happened to the first --- I gave her. However if she's registering for stuff she lost in the divorce, then I wouldn't side eye it too much. Due to the fact you feel uncomfortable hosting a second shower, I think a nice tea party or hang out event is a nice thing to do!
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  • SomethingBeautiful08SomethingBeautiful08 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    absolutely, a bridal tea or luncheon is good.  I still think it is wise to stick to wedding guests only, just don't call it a shower and don't mention a registry or gifts.  It sounds like fun. You might have a few assumptions, and few folks might bring gifts that the Bride can open privately, but it works.
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  • tabathafayetabathafaye member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    How can a shower be "gift grabby" if the purpose of showers is to give gits?

    Whether or not you feel comfortable throwing a shower is how you should make your decision. I do agree with PPs and suggest a bridal luncheon.
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  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In one respect, it doesn't bother me- very possible she "lost" a lot of items in the divorce. BUT, if I were a guest who already bought her a place setting I'd be wondering where the one I bought her went. 

    I agree that throwing a bridal tea or bridal luncheon is always appropriate. 
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  • aurorajanetteaurorajanette member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I agree with the pre-wedding tea... no gifts. She, after all, chose to sell her gifts. If she just couldn't handle how much that blender reminded her of her ex-husband, I don't know how she won't be reminded of him by receiving the same gifts again... 


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  • WildMageletWildMagelet member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Is this her new husbands first wedding?  That would probably sway my answer.

    If you choose to host a shower for her, I would just make it a point to not invite repeat guests outside of her BP + immediate family.  

    Otherwise, if you would prefer to host a non-gift event such as a tea or luncheon then that's completely up to you!  
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
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