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Missing RSVP's - Count in Final Head Count?

jdblnnjdblnn member
Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

We are on the home stretch to the wedding.  Most of our RSVP's are in, but we have a few that we just can't get ahold of.  We've called, emailed, face-booked, asked those who may know, but still haven't heard whether they are coming.  We started the follow up process about 2 weeks ago.  I still don't have an answer.  I am now a few days away from providing my final headcount to the florist, bakery and some other vendors.  Here is my dilemma - do I count these missing guests in my final head count? It's a total of 18 potential guests, so it would make a impact if they all ended up coming. 

Our wedding is a destination wedding and would require all of the guests to travel in under 3 weeks.  None have booked rooms under our block at the host hotel.  There are, of course, other places to stay, but I don't have any access to that info. 

Should I include these guests in my final counts?  Any thoughts on whether it’s better to estimate down or estimate high?  Thanks ladies!  

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Re: Missing RSVP's - Count in Final Head Count?

  • phiraphira member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    scribe95 said:
    I would not count them. To me it's obvious when people don't return multiple messages they aren't coming - especially for a destination wedding. And frankly if they do a little embarassment when they don't have food or a chair isn't a bad thing.
    That's my take on it. You've made every possible effort to get in touch with them. If they show up, it's a HUGE etiquette faux pas on their part, and if they're embarrassed, then that's their punishment.
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  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I would call one more time and leave a voice mail saying that if you don't hear by tomorrow, you will count them as a no and will no longer be able to accommodate them. Since it's a DW, it seems like they would have booked something by now.
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    melbelleup said:

    jdblnn said:

    We are on the home stretch to the wedding.  Most of our RSVP's are in, but we have a few that we just can't get ahold of.  We've called, emailed, face-booked, asked those who may know, but still haven't heard whether they are coming.  We started the follow up process about 2 weeks ago.  I still don't have an answer.  I am now a few days away from providing my final headcount to the florist, bakery and some other vendors.  Here is my dilemma - do I count these missing guests in my final head count? It's a total of 18 potential guests, so it would make a impact if they all ended up coming. 

    Our wedding is a destination wedding and would require all of the guests to travel in under 3 weeks.  None have booked rooms under our block at the host hotel.  There are, of course, other places to stay, but I don't have any access to that info. 

    Should I include these guests in my final counts?  Any thoughts on whether it’s better to estimate down or estimate high?  Thanks ladies!  

    Honestly, I'd call them back (fbook, email etc) and tell them if they don't tell you by ____ date that you'll assume it's a no. The nice thing about facebook chat is it tells you when people view it, so at least you know they got it.

    scribe95 said:
    I would not count them. To me it's obvious when people don't return multiple messages they aren't coming - especially for a destination wedding. And frankly if they do a little embarassment when they don't have food or a chair isn't a bad thing.
    Yes, to both of the bolded statements. Invitations aren't subpoenas, but RSVPs are mandatory. It's not a crime if you can't go, but you owe it to the hostess to say one way or the other.

    I am not infrequently a proponent of shaming people into proper behaviour -- such as calling to say, "I didn't get a delivery confirmation e-mail that the wedding gift I ordered and had shipped to you three months ago arrived -- did you get it?"

    Also, actions have consequences. If your action is to not RSVP, the consequence is that you don't get a seat and/or a meal at the party. It's really pretty simple.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    phira said:
    scribe95 said:
    I would not count them. To me it's obvious when people don't return multiple messages they aren't coming - especially for a destination wedding. And frankly if they do a little embarassment when they don't have food or a chair isn't a bad thing.
    That's my take on it. You've made every possible effort to get in touch with them. If they show up, it's a HUGE etiquette faux pas on their part, and if they're embarrassed, then that's their punishment.
    I agree that if they show up without RSVPing, they deserve the embarrassment.  But I'd try to contact them one more time and set a deadline for their reply, after which a failure to reply will be considered a no.
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  • KMBolingKMBoling member
    First Comment
    I was looking for information on this as well because everyone has told me that RSVP's are a waste of time. However, we are also having a DW and I need to have a head count. Thanks for all of the comments even though I didn't initially ask the question. You guys have have helped me also. :)
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  • InkdancerInkdancer member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    KMBoling said:
    I was looking for information on this as well because everyone has told me that RSVP's are a waste of time. However, we are also having a DW and I need to have a head count. Thanks for all of the comments even though I didn't initially ask the question. You guys have have helped me also. :)
    Was it your family telling you that RSVPs were a waste? Because that is just plain wrong. It is very important to know who and how many when you're planning a big event like this, and anybody who skips their RSVP is being very inconsiderate.
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Yes, I'd leave one last message with a final deadline, then mark them as no if you still don't hear. You've done your part.
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  • indianaalumindianaalum member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    KMBoling said:
    I was looking for information on this as well because everyone has told me that RSVP's are a waste of time. However, we are also having a DW and I need to have a head count. Thanks for all of the comments even though I didn't initially ask the question. You guys have have helped me also. :)
    OMG, why would anyone say RSVPS for a wedding are a waste of time. If you don't do them, it's nothing but a guessing game which could lead to a ton of wasted money.

    I agree with others and assume they aren't coming. Most caterers are prepared to make a little extra in case odd things happen, so you might be okay if a few show. It would be doubtful that 18 people would ignore over and over and then just show up to a destination wedding.
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  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It would be very nice of you to give them one last call and give them a deadline to respond by.

    Otherwise- DON'T count them. You already gave them a deadline with the initial RSVP date, as well as contacted them again several times. I would consider their lack of response to be a "NO". If they show up, I would not try to accommodate them, as it is only their fault there will be no food and no chair for them. 
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  • GrrArghGrrArgh member
    250 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    KMBoling said:
    I was looking for information on this as well because everyone has told me that RSVP's are a waste of time. However, we are also having a DW and I need to have a head count. Thanks for all of the comments even though I didn't initially ask the question. You guys have have helped me also. :)
    waste... of... time..?!? O_o ours could be the difference of roughly 50 people... THAT IS A HUGE DIFFERENCE!! 
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