Pre-wedding Parties

Rude to invite to shower but not wedding??

We are trying to keep our wedding intimate. The wedding is in Austin. But my aunt in Dallas really wants to throw a shower for me. Is it rude to invite some guests to the shower that are not invited to the wedding? My mom wants to invite her friends who are not on my wedding invite list. I just don't know if that is alright or not....

Re: Rude to invite to shower but not wedding??

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    No one should be invited to the shower that is not invited to the wedding.
  • NOPE!  That invitation reads like this "I really want a gift from you, but you did not make the cut for the main event, so just drop by the shower and bring me something nice".
    I understand that your mom wants to include some people who are important to her, but will not be invited to the wedding.  After the wedding, she can always host a brunch in the new couple's honor, which is very tasteful, especially if she gets the word out that gifts are not necessary.
    I am all in favor of intimate weddings as they are usually deeply meaningful.  You don't sound like a gift grabby person, and you definitely don't come across as selfish or self centered.  Go with your instincts.
  • Your gut is right - it's rude. The reason it's rude is because showers are "showering" the bride with gifts. They're gift giving events. So inviting someone to shower and not the wedding is like saying "Come and give me a presents, but you're not actually invited to the wedding..." KWIM?

  • Definitely rude. The only point of the shower is to receive presents anyway. Same goes for the bachelorette party. I had a friend invite girls to just that and not the wedding and everyone found it rude and tacky. Don't even consider it.
  • Yes! Should ONLY invite people from your wedding guest list to any of those types of events!
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    What your mom wants to do is rude.  Nobody should be invited to a shower or any other wedding-related party who is not invited to the wedding.
  • Yes, it is very rude, no matter how well intentioned, to invite people to a bridal shower who will not be invited to the wedding.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Of course it's rude. You don't ask someone to come give you a gift for an event and then not invite them to the event for which they are giving you a gift.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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