To destination or not to destination?

MountainAmor · December 2013

Hi all. I'm in the early stages of wedding planning and am still trying to get through the first step... pick the location and venue! My fiance is set on a wedding in St. John VI (he attended one there a couple of years ago and loved it). It looks great, but that would put a huge financial burden on my wedding guests, and even his family might not be able to afford to go. Tickets alone are $500+! I've suggested going there for our honeymoon instead, but he really has his heart set on it. Have any of you faced this dilemma? If you went for the destination and had a small turnout, was it worth it? As long as my family is there, I'll enjoy it, but I have mixed feelings about it. Thanks!

climbingsingle · December 2013

I attended two very small DWs - one in Jamaica and one in Montauk. Both weddings were so much fun and I'm glad I attended.

Teddy917 · December 2013

The first step should actually be budget and guest list.

MountainAmor · December 2013

I have a tentative guest list (which I'll edit dependent on the location) and budget. I've also started marriage prep, since we're Catholic, which also means we have to marry in a Catholic church (so no beach wedding). I feel like I can't really move on anything else until I decide where to do it though!

WinstonsGirl · December 2013

We did a DW to Hawaii. We waited an extra year to allow people more time to save for it, and we checked with our VIP's first before we booked anything. If they couldn't have made it, we would have got married at home. We invited about 125 and had 40 show, which was the perfect size for us. 125 would have been a huge wedding for us.

You need to figure out if your parents/VIP's can make the trip, and if they can't are you ok with them not being there. If you're not, then don't get married there. Go through the process with you FI's VIP's. It might be easier to make him see that it's not a great option if he realizes that people he wants there can't make it. Other than that, I'm not sure who you can convince him other than continuing to talk about it.

I'd also suggest looking at places that are similar to the USVI but are closer/more affordable. What aspect of that location does he love?? If it's a beach, is there one closer/cheaper?? What aspects of the other wedding did you love, and do you need to be in the USVI to achieve the same thing/feeling in your wedding?? Good luck with the decision

ktjanesmom · December 2013

So you would go to St John and get married in a Catholic Church? Im confused. You did say you have to get married in a Catholic church right? Isnt the idea of going to St. John to get married at the beach?

pipeTsquared · December 2013

Hang on @MountainAmor , It's been a long time since I was up to date with RC rules but pretty sure you cant just get married in any Catholic Church, and certainly most priests wouldnt let you anyway

AddieCake · December 2013

ktjanesmom said:

So you would go to St John and get married in a Catholic Church? Im confused. You did say you have to get married in a Catholic church right? Isnt the idea of going to St. John to get married at the beach?

I agree with this. What's the point of going to a tropical destination if not to get married on the beach?

misssunshine17 · December 2013

ktjanesmom said:

So you would go to St John and get married in a Catholic Church? Im confused. You did say you have to get married in a Catholic church right? Isnt the idea of going to St. John to get married at the beach?

This. I don't understand why you'd make your guests travel so far for a church wedding you could do at home. That said, I am not personally a fan of DWs. I think it's presumptuous (though I understand people can decline) to ask spend their vacation money and time for your wedding. Some guests might feel they 'have' to attend, like I would for my brother, but I certainly wouldn't be happy about it. Definitely check with your VIPs first.

HisGirlFriday13 · December 2013

Ditto the Catholic aspect. It will be harder to get married in a church that you and FI don't attend.

I would try to have a conversation with your FI about both the Catholic aspect and the possibility that your FI's VIPs won't be able to come.

MountainAmor · December 2013

pipeTsquared said:

Hang on @MountainAmor , It's been a long time since I was up to date with RC rules but pretty sure you cant just get married in any Catholic Church, and certainly most priests wouldnt let you anyway

We'd have to get married at a church or cathedral in St. John or St. Thomas. I'm looking into the requirements, but according to the cathedral in St. Thomas, we'd have to complete any requirements given by our local priest. Then he signs something to send to the priest at the destination. We'll discuss with our local priest when we meet. So yeah, no beach wedding, but the idea is to basically have a fabulous tropical vacation with all of our loved ones.

I like the suggestion to talk to all of our VIPs first. We'll have the opportunity to really talk about it over Christmas break. I think if we were younger and all of our friends weren't already married with young kids, I wouldn't feel so hesitant about asking them to travel, because St. Johns looks amazing and I'm sure we'd all have a fabulous time.

MountainAmor · December 2013

pipeTsquared said:

Hang on @MountainAmor , It's been a long time since I was up to date with RC rules but pretty sure you cant just get married in any Catholic Church, and certainly most priests wouldnt let you anyway

We'd have to get married at a church or cathedral in St. John or St. Thomas. I'm looking into the requirements, but according to the cathedral in St. Thomas, we'd have to complete any requirements given by our local priest. Then he signs something to send to the priest at the destination. We'll discuss with our local priest when we meet. So yeah, no beach wedding, but the idea is to basically have a fabulous tropical vacation with all of our loved ones.

I like the suggestion to talk to all of our VIPs first. We'll have the opportunity to really talk about it over Christmas break. I think if we were younger and all of our friends weren't already married with young kids, I wouldn't feel so hesitant about asking them to travel, because St. Johns looks amazing and I'm sure we'd all have a fabulous time.

AddieCake · December 2013

What if your loved ones are not interested in a tropical vacation? It bugs me when couples think their DW provides friends and family an opportunity to get a vacation to a location of the couple's choice. This "vacation" may prohibit them from being able to afford a vacation to someplace THEY would like to go. This just seems better suited for a honeymoon.

MountainAmor · December 2013

Well so far the people I've mentioned the idea to think it sounds fun, but might not be able to afford it. I'm making a survey to send out to the VIPs to see what they think. None of my family live in the same city as us, so it may cost them the same to fly to fly here as it would be to a DW. Anyway, I'm not forcing anyone! If they don't think it sounds like fun, they certainly don't have to go.

Teddy917 · December 2013

1. Don't make a survey to send. That's really impersonal and for some might just get thrown away. Call and ask,
2. Even if it would cost the same to fly there as to where you guys live, that isn't the only cost involved. Hotels might be more expensive. The flights might be harder to get (since its a vacation spot) which would make the tickets more expensive.

ShesSoCold · December 2013

Yeah I agree with PPs about having a DW inside. Having a DW inside at a church that is more or less the same as at home doesn't make sense to me. Would you at least have the reception outside?

I'm having a DW and, depending on the weather, I'm hoping to have the entire thing outside with fantastic views. Even if it rains, the building has huge windows and we can still enjoy our destination.

I also agree that you might be better off (and your guests) having the wedding at home and having a fantastic honeymoon.

Plus DW's are a pain in the ass to plan. I'm making an aisle runner in pieces because I don't know how long my aisle will be. I'm booking appointments for hair and makeup based on reviews alone and crossing my fingers that they're good. Not that it's horrible, but it's definitely more difficult. Will you be able to go to your destination and look around and different venues?

MountainAmor · December 2013

So I did send a two question survey to a handful of people and it was insightful! Everyone is game for a destination wedding! But Colorado was a more popular choice than the Virgin Islands. This makes me happy, because I love the mountains! Now I just have to convince the FI. I think he's coming around.

As for planning a DW, I've heard it's actually a bit simpler because you can't focus on the details. But you have to be easy going for that to be a plus, I suppose. I'm sure it's stressful no matter what. That said, having the wedding in CO would mean we could easily travel there a few months before the wedding to check everything out before hand. We'll see how this goes. I'm excited though! Thanks for everyone's feedback.

MountainAmor · December 2013

So I did send a two question survey to a handful of people and it was insightful! Everyone is game for a destination wedding! But Colorado was a more popular choice than the Virgin Islands. This makes me happy, because I love the mountains! Now I just have to convince the FI. I think he's coming around.

As for planning a DW, I've heard it's actually a bit simpler because you can't focus on the details. But you have to be easy going for that to be a plus, I suppose. I'm sure it's stressful no matter what. That said, having the wedding in CO would mean we could easily travel there a few months before the wedding to check everything out before hand. We'll see how this goes. I'm excited though! Thanks for everyone's feedback.

MountainAmor · December 2013

That's the thing that's stressing me out the most right now. I have a tentative guest list of approximately 125 people, but I have no clue how many of those people might attend, no matter where the wedding is! So do I plan for 50? 100? What if only 20 can go??

WinstonsGirl · December 2013

Plan for everyone to make it. We had low attendance, but our old Mod on the Hawaii board had 100% for her DW. Make sure your venue can hold everyone you invite. It's easier to downsize than to find a new place that can hold everyone. If only 20 go, you're either saving yourself a lot of extra cash, or you have more to splurge on extras

WiscDoll322 · December 2013

missax said:

We had a destination wedding to Las Vegas. Just be prepared for people to suddenly not be able to attend. Everyone may love the idea of a DW and have every intention of making the trip but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way.

This. We had a destination wedding on the beach in Florida (we're from Wisconsin) and we had some really good friends who were planning to attend suddenly bail -- one couple had even booked flights.It was disappointing, but we still had 46 people attend and our DW was awesome! We have zero regrets about doing a DW.

To destination or not to destination?

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