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Knottie 911!

Knotties, you're always so good with advice that I'm immediately turning to you for immediate help. Here's what's going down:

I am notoriously bad at opening mail. I have no excuses because I'm a grown adult, but that's the way it is. FI usually gets the mail & sets it on the counter or in the huge mess of junk mail on the desk in our office. If there's something for me that's doesn't look like junk mail, he'll typically set it aside, but other than that, it goes into the Disappearing Pile of Junk Mail on our desk. Today, I was feeling productive and decided to tackle the mound of trees sitting there. I opened every piece and divided them into piles. 

I came across an envelope from Shutterfly addressed to me. I opened it to find a picture booklet with photos of a very good friend of mine and me over the years with really cute quotes about friendship. At the end of the book, it said, "Will you be my bridesmaid?"

MY JAW DROPPED. I knew this had been sent at least a few months ago, as my girlfriend has already gone with her three bridesmaids to pick out their dresses. And all this time, I had NO idea she had asked me to be a bridesmaid! 

I am so upset, because she probably thought it was really shitty of me not to even ACKNOWLEDGE her asking. I am so honored she thought of me to stand up for her! She's at work right now but I just asked her to stop over afterwards. My plan is to tell her the truth: I suck at being an adult when it comes to opening mail, and today while cleaning I found the book she sent me. I'm going to let her know how honored I am that she asked and that I am very sorry if she thought I was avoiding the topic. 

Do you ladies have any input besides "Be more responsible with your mail, ElcaB!"? Anything I should add when she comes over tonight? I've been crying about this since it happened about a half hour ago. I feel terrible. 
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Re: Knottie 911!

  • edited December 2013
    Yeah, open your mail more- you understand that now. I think she's wayyyy more in the wrong for not following up with you. Does she seriously trust the mail that much? I don't trust the mail system for shit. 

    ETA: just so you're prepared... what are you going to say if she still wants you to be a BM?
  • I agree that she is at fault. She should have asked if you got what she sent you instead of assuming you said no without even talking to you about it. I understand that you feel bad. I probably would too. Really though, the fault is hers. Hugs to you though.
  • Don't feel bad!! I would have thrown that into my junk pile, too. If I see something from a company, it automatically goes into that pile.

    If it was addressed from a friend or written onto the envelope, then you would have noticed right away. I'm sure she would understand that. I'm just wondering why she never said anything or called you up since it was sent months ago. 
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  • I am the same way with mail! I totally agree. Wtf? Why did she never say anything to you?
  • Yeah, open your mail more- you understand that now. I think she's wayyyy more in the wrong for not following up with you. Does she seriously trust the mail that much? I don't trust the mail system for shit. 

    ETA: just so you're prepared... what are you going to say if she still wants you to be a BM?
    Well, I planned on telling her if she still wants me as a bridesmaid, I'd still be honored and happy to, but if it's too far along in the planning process I completely understand and won't be upset if she'd rather have me as a guest. 

    If she still wants me, I'm really genuinely happy to stand up for her! 

    While I agree she should have said something along the lines of, "Get any good mail lately?" I still feel like I'm to blame. I talked with our mutual girlfriend and she said the bride just didn't want to put me in an awkward spot and assumed I just couldn't be a BM when i didn't bring it up. Still though, I'd never ignore an invitation even if I did have to turn it down. I take the whole BM thing really seriously; I think it's a big deal to ask a friend to stand up there with and support you on one of the biggest days of your life!
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  • I confess I am sometimes the same way with mail. 

    We lost our flower girl in a similar way. I had a falling out with her mother. Unbeknownst to me, though, she emailed me saying she would never keep her daughter from me if I still wanted her in my life and in the wedding. She sent it to an email I rarely check and she KNOWS I rarely check b/c she has been told this. I didn't see the email until a month after our wedding, and I felt awful that that little girl thought we just didn't want her anymore. 

    I say this is another reason for brides to just call or see their friends and ask and stop with the gimmicks!



    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • If it were me I would feel pretty bad as well, but she definitely should have followed up with you to make sure you got it. The mail isn't always perfect. I sent my TY notes out almost 2 weeks ago and the one for my grandma still hasn't gotten to her (I know this because I told her I sent it and she just called me to say she hasn't received it). So I guess I'll wait a few more days to see if it gets returned. If not I'll just write it again, NBD.
  • I almost cried when I read your post.  Clearly you feel bad and you're right, honesty is the best policy.  You learned an important lesson, there is no need for a lecture.  I hope it works out well.
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2013
    Your friend should have followed up with you. The fact that she sent a shutterfly picture book to ask you, and then didn't even follow up, is really strange.  I also usually throw away junk mail like that, so don't feel bad. Let us know how it goes!
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  • I agree with PP! It's never a good idea to ask people to be a BM with just a letter. I still haven't asked all of the people I want to be BMs because I prefer to ask in person (although I asked my aunt through facebook because we were instant messaging about the wedding and we live far apart). I hope it works out, and I think you're handling the situation very well.


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  • She cold have called to ask if you had gotten a package from her/ shutterfly. I would not be supper upset.
  • How'd it go when you talked to her? I hope it went well
  • Whenever I mail anyone something I let them know. I sent my good friend some chocolate macadamia nuts and asked about a week later if she got them. She apparenty rarely check her apts mailbox and when she did they were all melted together. Haha

    Hope your talk went well! I hope she wasn't harboring any negative feelings toward you.
  • I sent out notes asking for my BM's to stand up with me, I contacted them all within a few days if I had not heard from them. 

    I am glad that it all worked out for you!

     

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  • AddieL73 said:
    I confess I am sometimes the same way with mail. 

    We lost our flower girl in a similar way. I had a falling out with her mother. Unbeknownst to me, though, she emailed me saying she would never keep her daughter from me if I still wanted her in my life and in the wedding. She sent it to an email I rarely check and she KNOWS I rarely check b/c she has been told this. I didn't see the email until a month after our wedding, and I felt awful that that little girl thought we just didn't want her anymore. 

    I say this is another reason for brides to just call or see their friends and ask and stop with the gimmicks!
    THIS. 1000000X. The situation is 100% avoidable by having adult-adult conversation.

    ElcaB, I'm really glad this worked out for you and for her! It's good that you honestly and directly addressed it.
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  • You sound like an awesome friend OP, the bride is lucky to have you :)
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