So here’s my story and question(s); I apologize that it is long. I was married in December 2009, and my cousin was my Maid of Honor (and she was the best Maid of Honor I could have asked for; I can’t even tell you how much she did for me). She and I spent a LOT of time together growing up and even lived together for a year or so during middle school when our families were going through a hard time. I consider her to be more like a sister than a cousin. Well, now she is engaged and she asked me to be Matron of Honor. When I told her I would be honored to be, but would prefer to be called “Maid” of Honor (because I really dislike the title “Matron”), she said the problem with that is that she asked her friend to be Maid of Honor, and that she figured I deserved a different title because I really am supposed to be THE honored attendant (stand next to her, hold the bouquet, plan the parties, etc.). The reasons she gave for asking us both to be Matron and Maid of Honor were because the friend will never have another opportunity to be Maid of Honor, and because my cousin and I live in different states (while the friend lives in the same state as her), and that it would be easier for me to plan the shower and bachelorette party with the help of someone who lives in the state.
My thoughts on this are that I will also never have another opportunity to be Maid of Honor, and now I also have to be called something I don’t like. I also will be sharing the responsibilities when, according to my cousin, I should have been the honored attendant. Yes, it would have been more difficult to plan a shower and bachelorette party out of state, but many people have done it (including her for my wedding), and I was excited about doing it because it was to make her happy. I also figured that I would have the help of the bridesmaids who live in the state with suggestions for the parties, but would still be able to manage the majority of the planning without having to figure out how to share the planning with another honored attendant (the Maid of Honor is already emailing me about how we are going to share these responsibilities). I feel as though I’m already missing out on a lot living in a different state (dress shopping – which I did for my wedding with only her [I flew out to visit her, and she came home for Christmas], visiting sites, cake tasting, etc.), and now I’m losing some of the opportunity to plan the parties. I also feel a little hurt because she was my only Maid of Honor, and it feels a little as though she doesn’t trust me to do it without her friend’s help. If that is really the case, or if she just wanted her friend in the first place, I would prefer that she just said that. So, all that being said, my questions are: Is there another title other than “Matron” of Honor that still distinguishes me from “Maid” of Honor? Am I just being ridiculous worrying about this, especially since she was such a wonderful Maid of Honor to me (honest opinions, please, I promise I won’t get defensive)? Should I just suck it up and be called Matron and share the planning responsibilities? What should I say (if anything) to the Bride about this? What should I say (if anything) about this to the Maid of Honor? Any other thoughts or comments? I know I’m being a little bit selfish and ridiculous, since my primary concern should be the bride. It would really make me feel a lot better if I could just have a different title, as trite as that may sound. So, if nothing else, could I please just get some suggestions on another title other than “Matron” of Honor. Thank you very much for reading this!