Brothers vs. Sisters (Vent)
- My sister wanted to join dance, my mom made sure she knew how it inconvenienced her.
- My brother wanted to join Jiujitsu and my mom makes sure that she will be home on time to drive him 1/2 and hour to his class.
- I got a C in a class last semester and my mom was upset and told me I should have done better. My brother failed high school (it took him an extra 1 1/2 years to get his diploma online) and my mom blamed his teachers
- I ask my brother to behave properly during Thanksgiving dinner because it was the 1st time that my family and FI's family met. Dinner went well, but my mom was upset that I had been "rude" when I asked him to refrain from certain things he does.
Geez. It really creates tension between the boys and girls when my mom does stuff like this. She does it for me and my sister too though. I sometimes feel like the odd child out because I was nothing like what my mom wanted. She wanted a girly-girl who wore pink and did her hair and make up everyday and talked about boys, etc. and she got me. She has my sister though. The girly-girl, pink, boys, ballerina, shopping daughter that she wanted. I like shopping now. I can go with her, but I know she gets annoyed because sometimes I will try things on and buy absolutely nothing all day vs. my sister and her will have bags from every store we visit.
This vent came up because of a box I was going through. It had all of the rewards that I won during 4H for horseback riding. My parents never came to a single one of my shows and those ribbons still bring up a lot of hurt feelings. My mom is afraid of horses and I have always loved them. My dad doesn't like them either. I was so excited during my last year showing because I was going to go to the Championships that next weekend because I won my class. I ran into the house to tell my dad and his reaction was "So what does that mean." and I responded "It means that I get to go to the championships next weekend" and he rolled his eyes and said "great, another week of this fucking horse stuff". Of course, my dad is not mentally stable, but the words still hurt. I asked my mom to come to the championship show and she never showed up. I placed 8th in my class that day out of 24. I was so proud of myself, but I can't even bare to look at those ribbons.
Yet now, my mom has told me several times that I NEED to attend my sisters dance recitals. Or come watch my brother's jiujitsu classes to support them. It gets hard and I try and suck it up and go but I just feel as if... I don't know... as if I am the child that is less cared about in a way.
Sorry! I know it is a long vent.
Re: Brothers vs. Sisters (Vent)
One thing i can relate to is the horse issue actually. My mom was scared of horses. It took me until middle school to get her to let me have lessons, even though she let my sister have lessons when she was in 2nd grade. My mom never came to a show and never cared. She was glad I was passionate about something, but I always felt cast off whenever she would drop me off at the barn. My dad, however, loved the horses and would feed whoever I was riding carrots or treats and even brush them.
To talk sibling favoritism though too, FI's brother is the golden child. His parents didn't know they could have kids so when they had his older brother, he was the miracle boy. He can do no wrong. My FI, on the other hand, is put through the ringer. I'm really glad I grew up with parents that preach fairness because I'm pretty sure I would go all out girl breakdown mode if I was in my FI's shoes.
I'm still the oddball of the family though. My whole family is super into sports but I'm not athletic at all and I don't really like watching sports either. My parents tried so hard to get me into sports (I've done soccer, softball, figure skating, swimming, martial arts, track, skiing, tennis, and cheer-leading) but not a single one really stuck. I know they always enjoyed going to my brother's sports games more than my band concerts, which is why I eventually asked them to just not come anymore. Honestly, I enjoyed my events much more knowing I wasn't making my parents sit through something they hate. They were never mean about it but I could always tell they hated going. Even though it did suck that they weren't always interested in my stuff, I do attribute it to giving me my independent streak.
I also try not to take anything out on my brother. I know being the favorite has it's own set of challenges and frustrations.
To the bold I know EXACTLY what that is like. I am the oldest of 3 my sister (who is my hero) got away with EVERYTHING had restrictions lifted early and was not as carefully watched during high school as I was and in turn SHE was the one that got pregnant at 15 and had my nephew at 16. She could NEVER do wrong. I was practically driven from the house at 19. I know that my mother is more proud of me having never gotten in to any sort of big trouble as a teen/adult. But I know not matter how my parents feel about me, I am my grandpa's favorite and that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. There is a reason I asked him to walk me down the aisle and not my mom or my step dad.
This (the whole paragraph but especially the bolded) sounds just like my family. My brother and I are almost 8 years apart, but I can sooooo relate to you and how you feel. I was into music, my brother played football. My parents hardly ever went to my school concerts, but they have yet to miss one of his football games (he graduate last spring and they still go to every game!!) My brother was failing English, and they did nothing! I got a C in calculus and they wanted to know why.
When I pressured my mom a bit for an answer she gave me that exact line...so I know how you feel. I am so sorry that you feel like your parents are unfair. I am sorry that you feel like you are less important than your siblings. It hurts! So hugs for you!