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FI wants...

Rebl90Rebl90 member
First Comment 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
A Dollar Dance.  I almost threw myself out of the car window yesterday when he mentioned it. How on earth could my dear sweet loving man want a dollar dance? Apparently, both of his older brothers and all of the rest of the family weddings have included them, and his family sees it as "fun"  and "just what you do" at weddings. When I explained to him that I don't want our guests feeling like they have to give us money he realized how differently we see it.  The first (and only) time I had seen one I was MOH at a shotgun wedding (yes, really) and it was the tackiest thing because they didn't allow any other dancing and didnt feed their guests anything, it was clearly the most greedy thing I had seen.  And now, at our wonderfully hosted, full dinner and dancing wedding he wants to include it.  I'm hoping he comes around before we really have to decide.... I guess this is more of a vent, but good gravy, I never expected him to throw this at me!


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Re: FI wants...

  • winelover123winelover123 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment First Answer
    Dollar dances are a tradition in H's family too. MIL actually said to me that she really enjoyed our wedding, but she missed the dollar dance. Hopefully your FI will come around!
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  • jessicabessicajessicabessica member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Clearly it's traditional in his family.  I've never seen it, but I get that some people are used to having it.  Just tell him you're not comfortable doing it and you would like to skip it.  
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Haha, I posted about this on Traditions a few weeks ago. My Fi wants it, too!  It's tradition in his Italian family.  I think it's basically tacky and a money-grab.  I also don't want all that attention, people touching me to pin money or put money in my dress, plus I am really not a good dancer and I'm nervous enough about the first dance as it is.  Most people on that board agreed it was pretty tacky.  The bottom line is that you have to be comfortable, and if you aren't, then you need to talk to Fi and tell him you can't do it.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    If this is non-negotiable for you, then you need to tell him so.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • mysticlmysticl member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    JCBride2014 said:
    Haha, I posted about this on Traditions a few weeks ago. My Fi wants it, too!  It's tradition in his Italian family.  I think it's basically tacky and a money-grab.  I also don't want all that attention, people touching me to pin money or put money in my dress, plus I am really not a good dancer and I'm nervous enough about the first dance as it is.  Most people on that board agreed it was pretty tacky.  The bottom line is that you have to be comfortable, and if you aren't, then you need to talk to Fi and tell him you can't do it.
    I've see a few of these because it is an expected tradition where my family is from.  I have never seen anyone put money in or on the bride's dress.  The money is placed in a bag held by a family member or a bridesmaid.  That person is also responsible for handing out the shots if that part of the tradition is being done.  

    OP there is a good chance he "won't come around" to thinking it is tacky if it is something that is consider acceptable and expected in his circle.  I gather that it isn't expected in your circle.  Talk to him about that aspect.  Explain that your family/friend won't see it as fun tradition but something weird and that they won't understand or enjoy it.  Or maybe you could come up with a compromise.  At some weddings both the bride and groom dance and a big part of it is getting to spend a couple of minutes of one-on-one time with the guests.  If he is more focused on that part than the money maybe you could both dance but ask the guests to write out a wish for you or sign a picture frame or something while they wait.  
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    mysticl said:
    JCBride2014 said:
    Haha, I posted about this on Traditions a few weeks ago. My Fi wants it, too!  It's tradition in his Italian family.  I think it's basically tacky and a money-grab.  I also don't want all that attention, people touching me to pin money or put money in my dress, plus I am really not a good dancer and I'm nervous enough about the first dance as it is.  Most people on that board agreed it was pretty tacky.  The bottom line is that you have to be comfortable, and if you aren't, then you need to talk to Fi and tell him you can't do it.
    I've see a few of these because it is an expected tradition where my family is from.  I have never seen anyone put money in or on the bride's dress.  The money is placed in a bag held by a family member or a bridesmaid.  That person is also responsible for handing out the shots if that part of the tradition is being done.  

    OP there is a good chance he "won't come around" to thinking it is tacky if it is something that is consider acceptable and expected in his circle.  I gather that it isn't expected in your circle.  Talk to him about that aspect.  Explain that your family/friend won't see it as fun tradition but something weird and that they won't understand or enjoy it.  Or maybe you could come up with a compromise.  At some weddings both the bride and groom dance and a big part of it is getting to spend a couple of minutes of one-on-one time with the guests.  If he is more focused on that part than the money maybe you could both dance but ask the guests to write out a wish for you or sign a picture frame or something while they wait.  
    In Fi's family, apparently they use pins (???) and your dress ends up covered in money.  It's not my only objection, but it's up there.

    I sort of like the bolded idea.  One on one dancing with guests and they can add a wish to a wish tree, or sign one of those silver picture frames, instead of giving money.  But if you're like me and the dancing itself makes you uncomfortable, this wouldn't help much.  I guess it depends what your exact problem is with the dollar dance.  Talk about it with Fi.
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  • afox007afox007 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer

    In Fi's family, apparently they use pins (???) and your dress ends up covered in money.  It's not my only objection, but it's up there.

    I sort of like the bolded idea.  One on one dancing with guests and they can add a wish to a wish tree, or sign one of those silver picture frames, instead of giving money.  But if you're like me and the dancing itself makes you uncomfortable, this wouldn't help much.  I guess it depends what your exact problem is with the dollar dance.  Talk about it with Fi.
    I saw them use pins at my uncle's wedding but ONLY on the groom. If the dollar dance wasn't bad enough the thought of the most expensive dress most woman will ever own being snagged shoving pins through it would be enough to ban it forever!
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  • SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Friends of ours, who are from the Philippines where it is traditional for their families, had a dollar dance. All the guests from their family had bills in hand ready for the dance. I felt bad because I didn't bring any cash with me! 

    They had safety pins for both the bride and the groom. I agree- I would NOT want someone pining something to my wedding dress! Though the guests made "sashes" and "head bands" out of the bills for the B&G to wear so the money was attached to itself. 
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  • Rebl90Rebl90 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I'm definitely not just counting on him "coming around" as nothing is accomplished without mature discussion. But I did calmly explain to him why I was against it (none of my family/friend weddings have included it) so he agreed to think about it. I told him that I was open to hearing his case about it (since it is his wedding too!) so now we each are reflecting. It just caught me by such surprise since it hadn't even crossed my mind!
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  • ei34ei34 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I didn't have a money dance at my own wedding, but I have attended a couple where it took place. I'm not a judgmental person, so I didn't think "how tacky!", I just assumed it was a cultural tradition.  (Here in diverse NYC I pretty much only attend weddings of people from my own background when it's family..)  Perhaps your wedding guests will assume the same?  If you don't think they will and they'll see at as a money grab during your otherwise warmly hosted wedding, I'd have a serious talk with your fiancé about skipping it. Because you'd mentioned his family just does it because it's "fun" and not bc it's steeped in tradition, maybe he'll agree to skip it? Whatever ends up happening, I hope you have a happy day! :)
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  • 312Emily312Emily member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Why not print out some kind of monopoly money with your faces on it and use that?  He gets his dollar dance, and you don't seem like a greedy couple.
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  • CaitlinGriffinCaitlinGriffin member
    Name Dropper First Comment 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    Am I the only one who thinks strippers whenever I read dollar dance? I obviously know thats not what it is (well I mean kinda dancing with people for money) but my brain just always thinks stripper.
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    JCBride2014 said:

    mysticl said:
    JCBride2014 said:
    Haha, I posted about this on Traditions a few weeks ago. My Fi wants it, too!  It's tradition in his Italian family.  I think it's basically tacky and a money-grab.  I also don't want all that attention, people touching me to pin money or put money in my dress, plus I am really not a good dancer and I'm nervous enough about the first dance as it is.  Most people on that board agreed it was pretty tacky.  The bottom line is that you have to be comfortable, and if you aren't, then you need to talk to Fi and tell him you can't do it.
    I've see a few of these because it is an expected tradition where my family is from.  I have never seen anyone put money in or on the bride's dress.  The money is placed in a bag held by a family member or a bridesmaid.  That person is also responsible for handing out the shots if that part of the tradition is being done.  

    OP there is a good chance he "won't come around" to thinking it is tacky if it is something that is consider acceptable and expected in his circle.  I gather that it isn't expected in your circle.  Talk to him about that aspect.  Explain that your family/friend won't see it as fun tradition but something weird and that they won't understand or enjoy it.  Or maybe you could come up with a compromise.  At some weddings both the bride and groom dance and a big part of it is getting to spend a couple of minutes of one-on-one time with the guests.  If he is more focused on that part than the money maybe you could both dance but ask the guests to write out a wish for you or sign a picture frame or something while they wait.  
    In Fi's family, apparently they use pins (???) and your dress ends up covered in money.  It's not my only objection, but it's up there.

    I sort of like the bolded idea.  One on one dancing with guests and they can add a wish to a wish tree, or sign one of those silver picture frames, instead of giving money.  But if you're like me and the dancing itself makes you uncomfortable, this wouldn't help much.  I guess it depends what your exact problem is with the dollar dance.  Talk about it with Fi.
    My sister had a money dance and the money was pinned to her dress (this was a while ago, I was 8).



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  • jdluvr06jdluvr06 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    We're having a version of a dollar dance at our wedding. It is tradition in his family but neither of us is comfortable with people giving us money (actually neither of us is comfortable with getting any type of gift in general). So my mom found some cute play money and we're going to use that.
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  • psychbabe314psychbabe314 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    I was just talking to a friend about this. Apparently in his family, it is a tradition at weddings. His family is Polish and he said it was a Polish tradition... But, the bride dances and the MOH stands near a tray of full of shots and the guests put a dollar into a hat the MOH is holding and then takes a shot and dances with the bride. Eventually, people form a ring around the bride and connect elbows and the groom has to try and break through the ring around to get to his bride. Apparently, it can sometimes take a long time and the whole idea is to keep the groom away as long as possible.

    I was wondering what happens if the groom can't break through, lol :-)
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  • Bubblegum5586Bubblegum5586 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    I have only seen it once and I was the BM collecting money (so no money was pinned to the dress!!!) Clearly this group of people were very into because everyone was ready to go (and I only got a few $1 bills most were $5s and $10s and there were $20s, $50s and even a $100!). The bride did say to me after that the idea of it made her uncomfortable but she enjoyed the one on one time she got with everyone. The other fun aspect was that girls were paying to dance with the bride and guys to dance with the groom... which you don't typically see! Again it truly felt celebrational and not money grabby. I didn't have one nor have I seen one since... but my one experience with it I didn't find offensive.
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  • GrrArghGrrArgh member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    say this to him:

    I am not a stripper, please don't ask me dance and shake it for a few dollars 

    (unless you are a stripper in which case you're off duty or they had better be 100s) 
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  • Rebl90Rebl90 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    GrrArgh said:
    say this to him:

    I am not a stripper, please don't ask me dance and shake it for a few dollars 

    (unless you are a stripper in which case you're off duty or they had better be 100s) 
    Love this, I think he would get a good laugh out of it! 
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