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Wedding Woes

So Unsure What to Do

I completely understand that it is rude to take back an invitation to be in your wedding party-and honestly I don't want to even do that. Problem is, someone I asked to be a bridesmaid has changed so much that we really aren't even friends anymore. It all started when she cheated on her bf several times (He is a mutual friend from before they were even in a relationship) and evolved into excess drinking and just downright lying to her friends and family. My friends and I tried holding an intervention of sorts because we truly were concerned about her. She continued to lie to us and in several instances has only finally told the truth when she was caught red-handed in a lie. My FH absolutely does not like her and didn't want her in the wedding to start with so all this has just led to more dislike and saying she should be removed. To make matters even more difficult she will be moving 4 states away next month (with the bf she cheated on). I really value honesty and the fact that I can't trust anything she tells me makes our relationship strained at best. She also holds it against me for trying to step to intervene during the situation. I know she still intends to be in the wedding because she came bridesmaid dress shopping but the whole time it was miserable. I guess, after all this, I'm just looking for advice on what the next step would be in fixing this situation.

Re: So Unsure What to Do

  • jpfaff92 said:

    My FH absolutely does not like her and didn't want her in the wedding to start with so all this has just led to more dislike and saying she should be removed.

    If you're completely ready to let go of a friendship, you can kick someone out of your party, as it is most certainly a friendship-ending move.

    And your fiance should keep his mouth shut about who you choose to have on your side even if he doesn't like the person. It's your side of the wedding party, not his, so he has no say in who you choose.


  • jpfaff92 said:

    I completely understand that it is rude to take back an invitation to be in your wedding party-and honestly I don't want to even do that. Problem is, someone I asked to be a bridesmaid has changed so much that we really aren't even friends anymore. It all started when she cheated on her bf several times (He is a mutual friend from before they were even in a relationship) and evolved into excess drinking and just downright lying to her friends and family. My friends and I tried holding an intervention of sorts because we truly were concerned about her. She continued to lie to us and in several instances has only finally told the truth when she was caught red-handed in a lie. My FH absolutely does not like her and didn't want her in the wedding to start with so all this has just led to more dislike and saying she should be removed. To make matters even more difficult she will be moving 4 states away next month (with the bf she cheated on). I really value honesty and the fact that I can't trust anything she tells me makes our relationship strained at best. She also holds it against me for trying to step to intervene during the situation. I know she still intends to be in the wedding because she came bridesmaid dress shopping but the whole time it was miserable. I guess, after all this, I'm just looking for advice on what the next step would be in fixing this situation.

    Kicking someone out of your BP is a friendship ending move. Are you ready to completely cut ties? It sounds like she is really having a hard time right now. Have you asked her how she is doing, without bringing up the wedding?
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I think the bridal party is the least important issue here.  What is going on with her, if she changed so abruptly?  Has anyone asked?
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  • I think the worse thing you can do for this friend is to kick her out.  I'm not saying that your wedding will set her over the edge, but if she is acting out this much, something is wrong and what she needs right now is a friend.  By ending the friendship by kicking her out of your party, you might do a lot of damage. 
    If she is moving four states over, you might not see a lot of her as it is and not be able to deal with these problems as much.  She will just be there on the wedding day, since that is all that is needed after she buys the dress.  It shouldn't be that bad. 

  • I think the bridal party is the least important issue here.  What is going on with her, if she changed so abruptly?  Has anyone asked?
    I agree. No offense to OP but your wedding isn't the issue right now. If your friend did such a drastic change then something must of happened to bring about that change. I would really see if you can talk to her. See if you can get to the bottom of this.

    No one changes so drastically unless it's an epiphany of some kind about your life and you drastically WANT to make a change. It happens but more commonly it's because something happened to her or in her life.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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