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SIL Question

nychick10112014nychick10112014 member
10 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
in Attire & Accessories Forum
Hi All,

My future SIL's are not bridesmaids but I want to make them feel special. I have already planned on going shopping with them to get a new dress for the wedding (because they thought they should be in the same color as my bridesmaids). They of course will be invited to everything Bridal related. However, my problem is steaming from the day of. I want some alone time with my bridesmaids but I know they want to feel included. Do I offer them to get their hair and makeup done (tell them the price)? I am STRESSING big time.

Any help would be great!

Jen
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Re: SIL Question

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I'm sorry but if your FSils are not bridesmaid then they do not have to be in the same color as the bridesmaids. If they have no role in your wedding then they are just guests and can wear whatever they want. If they want to go shopping for a new dress that is fine but tell them that hey can get whatever color they want. It sounds like they are trying to weasel their way into your wedding by wanting to match the BMs. 

     As for the day of, your guests get ready at their own homes. You in no way have to include them I. The hair and makeup. These women sound like major pain in the asses.

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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If your FSILs are not bridesmaids, why are you treating them like they are? Did they tell you they want to be in the same color as your bridesmaids? That's just...weird. Again, they're not bridesmaids, so inviting them to get ready with you the morning of makes no sense. They can get ready at their homes. 
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  • Bruins63Bruins63 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper

    Yeaaa..I'm no expert but if they are going to be included in the bridal activities like shower and bachelorette, and get ready with you before the wedding, and wear the color of bridesmaids, and be in the family pictures......sounds to me like they ARE bridesmaids. I mean what else would they need to qualify? If you like them and are excited to be around them for the next 50 years, why not make them bridesmaids? If you don't really like them they can be regular guests.

    M brother and his new wife are not in my bridal party- I love them dearly but they have two new babies and I don't want to put the expense on them. So they aren't getting any special treatment except maybe a reserved front row seat.

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  • nychick10112014nychick10112014 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Thanks ladies! They are going to have a small part in the ceremony and have told my fiance that they "want to feel included". They have even said things like they want to be in the bridal party pictures. They had mentioned they were going to wear what they had (which is interesting to say the least and had dresses from HIGH SCHOOL they could wear)

    Politics got in the way of asking them to be bridesmaids. LONG story. They want to be around when I put on the dress and all that stuff they want to be apart of the day...its stressing me out SO much.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Jenna0419 said:
    Thanks ladies! They are going to have a small part in the ceremony and have told my fiance that they "want to feel included". They have even said things like they want to be in the bridal party pictures. They had mentioned they were going to wear what they had (which is interesting to say the least and had dresses from HIGH SCHOOL they could wear)

    Politics got in the way of asking them to be bridesmaids. LONG story. They want to be around when I put on the dress and all that stuff they want to be apart of the day...its stressing me out SO much.
    Yeah your FI needs to nix this crap in the butt.  They are invited to the wedding so they are included.  I feel that if you don't want them around when you get ready or dresses then you shouldn't have them around.  These women are being super pushy and should not get their way just because.

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  • nychick10112014nychick10112014 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I thought I was being crazy thinking this way. Thank you! My future MIL isn't helping either...I should just elope! Ha!
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  • CLI242009CLI242009 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    Maggie0829 said:
    I'm sorry but if your FSils are not bridesmaid then they do not have to be in the same color as the bridesmaids. If they have no role in your wedding then they are just guests and can wear whatever they want. If they want to go shopping for a new dress that is fine but tell them that hey can get whatever color they want. It sounds like they are trying to weasel their way into your wedding by wanting to match the BMs. 

     As for the day of, your guests get ready at their own homes. You in no way have to include them I. The hair and makeup. These women sound like major pain in the asses.
    To the bold - yeah be careful with that. If they are dressed similiar to the bridesmaids in color or dress (especially color) then the photographer might mistaken them FOR BMs. I have never seen this happen at a wedding I have attended, but my photographer did tell me a few horror stories of when this happened. He told me this so I would know that he learned from those lessons lol. So if THEY are the ones trying to get in on the festivities, I wouldn't be surprised if they try to do this too.

    I agree with the PPs. There's a difference between actually wanting someone there who ISN'T part of the bridal party vs. THEY want to be there but you don't want them there. Your FI needs to seriously talk to them. It's his family and that time should be with the gals (and guys?) you really want to have that time with. Not people you HAVE to just for family politics sake.
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  • nychick10112014nychick10112014 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Thank you ladies for all the help! I seriously thought I was being crazy!

    I am going to suggest going shopping with them for dress (to make sure they don't wear a dress in the same color). I will continue to invite them to the shower and bachelorette parties. I will let them know what time to come to the suite the day I get married and put on the dress. I still plan on doing the cute photos in the robes and pictures with my BM's and then have a few with them. I've informed my BM's of the situation and they will run interference if need be (so I can have a semi stress free experience).

    As for the future MIL I am going to just grin and bear it. I will let her know the time and place to be for hair and make up and hopefully she will not cause a scene about not having her girls not there.
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  • MrsDeRuyter87MrsDeRuyter87 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
    wow I feel like we are having the same wedding! I chose not to have bridesmaids because my FMIL would have forced me to include my FSIL's. When they found out about this they decided to call themselves "honorary" bridesmaids. UH NO lol. They also tried getting dresses in the same color as my MOH. I nipped that in the bud right away. Stand your ground. If they are not bridesmaids there is NO reason for them to be included in the wedding party pictures, a nice family portrait will do and ONE portrait of possibly you and them. Nothing more. My FSIL's are getting to wear corsages and are escorting my FI to the end of the aisle before the ceremony. I feel like that is recognition enough.  
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  • CLI242009CLI242009 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    Jenna0419 said:
    Thank you ladies for all the help! I seriously thought I was being crazy!

    I am going to suggest going shopping with them for dress (to make sure they don't wear a dress in the same color). I will continue to invite them to the shower and bachelorette parties. I will let them know what time to come to the suite the day I get married and put on the dress. I still plan on doing the cute photos in the robes and pictures with my BM's and then have a few with them. I've informed my BM's of the situation and they will run interference if need be (so I can have a semi stress free experience).

    As for the future MIL I am going to just grin and bear it. I will let her know the time and place to be for hair and make up and hopefully she will not cause a scene about not having her girls not there.
    She might tell your FSILs this information. Usually the robe pictures and sweet moments with the BMs & Bride (from what I've seen in photos) happens during the hair and make up time. There's a chance they'll be there if your FMIL is going to be there for hair and make up.
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