Guests eating before we enter reception

hgminor · December 2013

We are having a Stationed buffet reception, meaning there are multiple stations around the room. My initial timeline was (at the suggestion of my vendors) to let the guests get food (we are not doing a cocktail hour) when they arrive (5:30). We will be done with pictures at 6 or so and should enter the reception at 6:30. My caterer and venue coordinator suggested this for two main reasons- 1) there won't be a long line all at once for food, and 2) in case we are late from pictures they won't be waiting to eat. I've been to a couple weddings where it took a REALLY long time for them to show up, and definitely understand their reasoning. However, my FI is opposed to this plan because it's not the traditional timeline for a reception, and he thinks guests will be confused and side-eye it.

Please tell me your opinions. I see both sides...

Jen4948 · December 2013

I agree with your FI that this could be confusing to your guests, and this is why you should do a cocktail hour while your photos are being taken so that your guests can be served appetizers and drinks.

Edited to add: This is why I would not plan to do all photos between the ceremony and reception. You need to minimize the gap as much as possible. Take whatever photos can be taken before the ceremony and limit the ones between the ceremony and reception to those that involve both you and your FI. Also, don't do photos in a separate location between the ceremony and reception-this adds to the time your guests have to wait.

climbingsingle · December 2013

See, this is why cocktail hours come in handy. Why are you not doing one?

s-aries8990 · December 2013

Unless you are doing some sort of cocktail hour, guests will be MORE confused as to why there is no food for an hour (I know I certainly would be, as would many of those in my circle).

If FI wants a traditional timeline, he needs to accept that you need a cocktail hour.

radleyboo · December 2013

Couple of thoughts...

If I was a guest at your wedding, I would feel extremely weird about eating before you and your H arrive. Traditionally, the Bride and Groom are the first served or first to go through the buffet line. Eating prior to your arrival would make me very uncomfortable-you two will be the guests of honor, and you should eat first.

I also think this will minimize the 'drama' (for lack of a better word) of your entrance as a married couple. People will want to photograph you coming in, and if they're already into their second plate of the chipper chicken, they might be less able to do so and enjoy your arrival.

Gaps are annoying.

Please heed the advice of the PP's and either take all photos beforehand or host a cocktail hour with some light appetizers while your guests wait for you.

ETA-Your banquet facility should be able to have someone who can release your guests' tables to get their food, which should cut down or eliminate the wait at the buffet lines, so don't let that sway your decision.

hgminor · December 2013

Jen4948 said:
I agree with your FI that this could be confusing to your guests, and this is why you should do a cocktail hour while your photos are being taken so that your guests can be served appetizers and drinks.

Edited to add: This is why I would not plan to do all photos between the ceremony and reception. You need to minimize the gap as much as possible. Take whatever photos can be taken before the ceremony and limit the ones between the ceremony and reception to those that involve both you and your FI. Also, don't do photos in a separate location between the ceremony and reception-this adds to the time your guests have to wait.

We definitely are not doing all of the pictures between the ceremony and reception- just the full bridal party, the a family picture, and one or two of us together. The ceremony is in a church, while the reception is at a venue.

If the appetizers are sitting at a table instead of being passed, would that work as a cocktail (the bar will be open the whole time, that was never a concern).

hgminor · December 2013

See, this is why cocktail hours come in handy. Why are you not doing one?

UGH, stuck in the box-
Basically, budget reasons. We hope that we can enter before 6:30, and people will be traveling (though only a few minutes) from the church to the reception.

CrazyCatLady3 · December 2013

hgminor said:

Jen4948 said:
I agree with your FI that this could be confusing to your guests, and this is why you should do a cocktail hour while your photos are being taken so that your guests can be served appetizers and drinks.

Edited to add: This is why I would not plan to do all photos between the ceremony and reception. You need to minimize the gap as much as possible. Take whatever photos can be taken before the ceremony and limit the ones between the ceremony and reception to those that involve both you and your FI. Also, don't do photos in a separate location between the ceremony and reception-this adds to the time your guests have to wait.

We definitely are not doing all of the pictures between the ceremony and reception- just the full bridal party, the a family picture, and one or two of us together. The ceremony is in a church, while the reception is at a venue.

If the appetizers are sitting at a table instead of being passed, would that work as a cocktail (the bar will be open the whole time, that was never a concern).

It's fine for the apps to be out on a table on trays or whatnot rather than passed. However I would make sure the buffet stations aren't out at the same time or people will be confused as to what they can eat.

hgminor · December 2013

If you aren't going to do a cocktail hour then you need to do all or 90 percent of your pictures early and get to your reception. It is rude to invite a bunch of people to your recpetion and then not attend part of it.

We were planning on doing most of the pictures (the ones that don't require us seeing each other) beforehand. At least 80%

hgminor · December 2013

s-aries8990 said:

Unless you are doing some sort of cocktail hour, guests will be MORE confused as to why there is no food for an hour (I know I certainly would be, as would many of those in my circle).

If FI wants a traditional timeline, he needs to accept that you need a cocktail hour.

That was exactly my thought. I don't want them there for 30 minutes to an hour without food.

Since there are stations (there is actually an appetizer station with a couple of cute little finger foods set up) I considered it more like a very heavy hors dourve reception.

s-aries8990 · December 2013

@hgminor if there are some apps on "display" tables, I think you're in the clear for about 30-45 minutes. Is there a way you can enter the reception any sooner? At many events, unless someone is refreshing the displays, they tend to get torn apart rather quickly, especially if there are no passed appetizers.

I agree with @crazycatlady3, don't bring out the food for the stations until they're ready to be served.

OliveOilsMom · December 2013

Can you allow only the "appetizer" station to be open when your guests arrive? They can eat those and have some drinks while waiting for you & (new) H. Then when B&G arrive, you will be the firsts to eat dinner, which would open the remaining buffet stations. As a guest, I would feel weird eating dinner before the B&G arrive. Also, if your guests have finished dinner by the time you arrive, you will have hardly anytime to eat as you will be pulled in every direction by guests!

misssunshine17 · December 2013

I would just have the 'appetizer' station open when they arrive. It doesn't have any be anything over the top. Just enough to tide people over. I would totally side eye you not being there for dinner at your own reception, that is so strange.

jenajjthr · December 2013

If you are going to have a gap, please please please have something to eat and drink. Doesn't need to be dinner though. My niece got married in the same location as her reception. After the ceremony they went down the hall to take pictures. There was no food, no drinks, nothing to take care of the guests. People were going into the kitchen area to find something. Ended up finding the lemonade. I think at that point the staff took the hint and brought out dinner. We ate before the bride and groom, but I didn't care at that point. Her wedding was on a Friday, invitation said 4:45, real start time was gonna be 5 ( so everybody would be there...reduce latecomers), really started around 5:20ish, no food until after 6. I was starving.

RebeccaB88 · December 2013

I've only been to a wedding with no cocktail hour once, and honestly it worked out well. Ceremony outside, reception on the same grounds indoors. After the ceremony the officiant let us guests know that the buffet and refreshments were open indoors, and that we were welcome to start eating and the bride & groom would join us in a short time. They arrived about 30 minutes later, while about half the guests had gone through the buffet, and started table visits. Then they did their first dances and opened the dance floor. I'm not sure when they ate, but they did, and it was a great party.

RebeccaB88 · December 2013

I've only been to a wedding with no cocktail hour once, and honestly it worked out well. Ceremony outside, reception on the same grounds indoors. After the ceremony the officiant let us guests know that the buffet and refreshments were open indoors, and that we were welcome to start eating and the bride & groom would join us in a short time. They arrived about 30 minutes later, while about half the guests had gone through the buffet, and started table visits. Then they did their first dances and opened the dance floor. I'm not sure when they ate, but they did, and it was a great party.

hgminor · December 2013

Thank you for the alternate suggestions! I am talking it over with our caterer to see about getting just some items served before we arrive.

We DEFINITELY never wanted there to be a gap, especially one without food.

Question, would you consider a mashed potato bar something that would count as part of the dinner, or a station that could be open early?

RebeccaB88 · December 2013

To me, mashed potatoes are dinner, not an appetizer.

Jen4948 · December 2013

hgminor said:

Question, would you consider a mashed potato bar something that would count as part of the dinner, or a station that could be open early?

Part of the dinner.

icecreamS04 · December 2013

In my culture nobody is allowed to (or supposed to) sit down at the reception before the bride and groom sit, so it would be absolutely inappropiate.(+ bride and groom are usually served first)
I realize it's different (at least the sitting down bit) in the US, but I would feel weird if the people who invited me to share dinner with them and celebrate their marriage with me, wouldn't be present while dinner is served.

I like the suggestion to open only appetizer stations. But having a cocktail hour is probably an even better approach.

kerbohl · December 2013

About the mashed potato bar . . . that's a hard one. I would normally say part of dinner, but I've seen those bars that have the potatoes in a martini glass and you pick your own toppings, and that to me doesn't seem as much like dinner.
I like your options of opening a few stations but not the main dinner ones. Sounds like a good compromise!

aurorajanette · December 2013

I would say that mashed potatoes are a dinner food.

As far as budgeting, it sounds like you already have an app table, so that is great!

It doesn't have to cost a lot to have a cocktail hour though. I was at a lovely wedding this summer where cocktail hour consisted of soda, beer and sangria. There were little tables with tortilla chips and salsa/dip, a veggie tray and cheese and crackers. It lasted approximately 40 minutes and then we all went to dinner.

JCbride2015 · December 2013

kerbohl said:

About the mashed potato bar . . . that's a hard one. I would normally say part of dinner, but I've seen those bars that have the potatoes in a martini glass and you pick your own toppings, and that to me doesn't seem as much like dinner.
I like your options of opening a few stations but not the main dinner ones. Sounds like a good compromise!

Yes, I've also seen this at cocktail hours. Actually I believe it's an option for our cocktail hour too, not sure what we'll end up choosing.

GrrArgh · December 2013

It doesn't have to be extravagant just properly hosted. It sounds like with the appetizer station and the open bar you will have successfully done that provided you don't make everyone wait forever and a day for your arrival. You're on the right track in my opinion.

@JCBride2014 and @kerbohl The mashed potato martini thingies sound really awesome and fun

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