My fiance's father getting remarried (no one is happy) do we give a gift?

Re: My fiance's father getting remarried (no one is happy) do we give a gift?

• AliLovesJD member

  

  December 2013

  I think just giving a card is appropriate depending on how much time is between when they announced the wedding and when it's taking place. A friend of mine married a man she only knew for 3 months and their wedding was 2 weeks before Christmas. I gave a card only. I know the social norm is to give what the plate costs per head, but I don't think anyone should have to pay for themselves at a wedding. I had another friend who was intent on MAKING money off her wedding. Tacky, right?? I understand there may be hard feelings, but in the end it's what you can deal with doing. Giving a card and a very small gift is acceptable as long as you have been given enough time. If not, then only a card. You only get one set of parents. While the decision to get married or divorced affects the whole family, it's still the decision of the two in the relationship. I'm guessing there is more to the story if no one is happy. But either way, this person may be in your lives for a LONG time. If you're able to, I would show some good will. I hope this helps!
  

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• MikesAngie member

  

  December 2013

  In these types of situations it is best to take the high road and be the better person (couple) and do what is right rather than what one wants. 

  
  

  So if you can please give them a nice card and wish them well - yes it's difficult but at the same time she may be around for the long haul.  

  
  

  Since it is a second marriage they may not need anything and that can certainly be the excuse for not giving a gift (that or they didn't register or it was so sudden and close to the holidays).  Gifts are not expected at weddings (even first ones) so I wouldn't worry about a gift so much. 
  

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• WildMagelet member

  

  December 2013 edited December 2013

  I would give a heartfelt card and maybe something small if I had the time or funds.  

  
  

  Regardless if whether or not your FI, his brothers, or his mother are over the divorce, the father obviously is and is ready to move on with his life.  It doesn't matter if anybody else likes the woman, or thinks they're spending too much money, etc.  If your FI wants to preserve his future relationship with his father and his father's new wife then I would suggest at bare minimum attending, smiling, and giving a few nice words in support, either in person or on a card. 

  
  

  ETA:  My dad got remarried 2 weeks after his divorce with my mom was finalized.  I get it, I really do.

  Formerly known as flutterbride2b

  
  

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• radleyboo member

  

  December 2013

  racheleenie said:

  My fiance's father getting remarried. It was very sudden and no one is happy. They are having a very large wedding in very expensive venue. Do we give a gift? My fiance's brother is not even giving a card, he said  his father should be happy he is even coming. We have no problem giving a card with nothing in it and sitting there pretending to be happy. But does that mean that we will not get a gift from his father for our wedding in 6 months? His parents have only been divorced for about a year. My fiance, his brothers, and his mother are not even over the divorce yet so this wedding is not sitting well with anyone. We have no idea what to do and the wedding is this weekend please help. (Also, we don't really have much money because we're a young couple planning our own wedding.)
  

  You don't give gifts in order to get one in return.  You give gifts as a gesture of celebration for the couple.  In this case, I agree with the PP's.  A nice, heartfelt card would be sufficient.  If you can afford a small gift, do so  If not, don't worry about it.  Gifts are not mandatory at weddings, be they first, second, or tenth weddings.

  
  

  Meddied since 6/15/13!

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• MobKaz member

  

  December 2013

  AliLovesJD said:

  I think just giving a card is appropriate depending on how much time is between when they announced the wedding and when it's taking place. A friend of mine married a man she only knew for 3 months and their wedding was 2 weeks before Christmas. I gave a card only. I know the social norm is to give what the plate costs per head, but I don't think anyone should have to pay for themselves at a wedding. I had another friend who was intent on MAKING money off her wedding. Tacky, right?? I understand there may be hard feelings, but in the end it's what you can deal with doing. Giving a card and a very small gift is acceptable as long as you have been given enough time. If not, then only a card. You only get one set of parents. While the decision to get married or divorced affects the whole family, it's still the decision of the two in the relationship. I'm guessing there is more to the story if no one is happy. But either way, this person may be in your lives for a LONG time. If you're able to, I would show some good will. I hope this helps!
  

  To the bolded.....that is NOT the social norm.  There is not now, nor has there ever been, "rules" that dictate what a gift should be, nor the cost of that gift.  A gift carries no expectation.

  
  

  
  

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• AliLovesJD member

  

  December 2013

  
  

  mobkaz said:

  AliLovesJD said:

  I think just giving a card is appropriate depending on how much time is between when they announced the wedding and when it's taking place. A friend of mine married a man she only knew for 3 months and their wedding was 2 weeks before Christmas. I gave a card only. I know the social norm is to give what the plate costs per head, but I don't think anyone should have to pay for themselves at a wedding. I had another friend who was intent on MAKING money off her wedding. Tacky, right?? I understand there may be hard feelings, but in the end it's what you can deal with doing. Giving a card and a very small gift is acceptable as long as you have been given enough time. If not, then only a card. You only get one set of parents. While the decision to get married or divorced affects the whole family, it's still the decision of the two in the relationship. I'm guessing there is more to the story if no one is happy. But either way, this person may be in your lives for a LONG time. If you're able to, I would show some good will. I hope this helps!
  

  To the bolded.....that is NOT the social norm.  There is not now, nor has there ever been, "rules" that dictate what a gift should be, nor the cost of that gift.  A gift carries no expectation.

  
  

  
  

  Thank you for kindly correcting me. The idea that any gift offered should be an expectation had never crossed my mind. I had been taught the above bold text was a guideline years ago from my family. It's good to know when one is so terribly out of date.  Bless your heart
  

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• lauranchad member

  

  March 2014

  I would give a gift.  It doesn't have to be anything expensive.  Maybe a hand-made item that is more sentimental? 

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• grumbledore member

  

  April 2014

  racheleenie said:

  My fiance's father getting remarried. It was very sudden and no one is happy. They are having a very large wedding in very expensive venue. Do we give a gift? My fiance's brother is not even giving a card, he said  his father should be happy he is even coming. We have no problem giving a card with nothing in it and sitting there pretending to be happy. But does that mean that we will not get a gift from his father for our wedding in 6 months? His parents have only been divorced for about a year. My fiance, his brothers, and his mother are not even over the divorce yet so this wedding is not sitting well with anyone. We have no idea what to do and the wedding is this weekend please help. (Also, we don't really have much money because we're a young couple planning our own wedding.)
  

  Stop judging.  Give whatever you are comfortable giving.

  
  

  Frankly I hope him and his new wife don't give you a gift.

  
  

  

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• grumbledore member

  

  April 2014

  Ugh just noticed this is an old thread and the event has already passed.

  
  

  

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