NWR: Thank you note etiquette?

fungrl97 · December 2013

I grew up being taught to send thank you notes, but not all the time. If I opened the gift and thanked the person giving it in person, I didn't send a thank you note. However, if a relative sent a gift then I would send a thank you note. Christmas gifts didn't get thank you notes, I think because they were almost always reciprocal. When I graduated high school and college I sent a thank you note to each person whether or not I thanked them in person. As an adult I don't get birthday gifts from anyone except from FI and maybe my parents on occasion, and Christmas gifts are almost always reciprocal, so until I started wedding planning I'd been really lax on thank you notes for gift giving. With wedding related things, everything given to us gets a thank you note.

I also realize the purpose of thank you notes more. I sent a cousin a new baby present. My tracking number says the package got there and I know she has the difficulty of a new baby and all, but I don't really know if she has received it because I haven't heard from her at all. A thank you note addresses that practical side of things as well as making the gift giver feel appreciated. I probably won't continue to send presents for her son because of the lack of a thank you.

This is the first year that I'll be spending Christmas with FI's family, so if a change is warranted in my thank you note etiquette now is the time to do it. What should I actually be doing and what is the best etiquette to teach my own kids when I have them?

MobKaz · December 2013

Schatzi13 said:

For wedding thank yous, send something for every gift. H and I tried to write ours within a day of the gift's receipt.

My siblings and I were taught to send thank you notes for every gift, including at Christmas and when we had thanked the giver in person/phone/whatever. The only exception was people who lived in our house. We wrote our thank yous the day after Christmas or directly after our birthday parties. We were also taught to say thank you if opening a gift when the giver was present.

A cute idea I recently read on these boards is having small kids draw a thank you picture, then writing the note on the back. That gets them involved when they're too small to write. Also, as an aunt, I'd love to receive this sort of note.

In our home, the kids did not spend it, wear it, play with it, or eat it until a thank you card was written. If a Christmas or Easter gift was opened in front of the giver, thank-you notes were not necessary. All other gifts, as well as "events" (grandparents taking kids to zoo, movie, etc.) required the kids to write a note of appreciation.

doeydo · December 2013

I have never heard of writing thank you notes for Christmas presents. I would just thank them in person or give them a phone call to say thank you.

hoffse · December 2013

In our home, the kids did not spend it, wear it, play with it, or eat it until a thank you card was written. If a Christmas or Easter gift was opened in front of the giver, thank-you notes were not necessary. All other gifts, as well as "events" (grandparents taking kids to zoo, movie, etc.) required the kids to write a note of appreciation.

These two things was true in my house as well, though I also send follow-up thank yous to folks who I thanked in person. In that instance I was permitted to play with the gift, but my mother made sure I sent a follow-up note always before going back to school (unofficial deadline in my parents' house for Xmas gifts). As I got older, I usually just popped in a movie and wrote them on Christmas day after all the hubbub had died down.

When I was little my parents thanked the giver for me, and my mother tells me I usually drew a picture or signed my name in my childish block letters. She said relatives just loved it, and I know I would love to get something like that from a niece or nephew one day.

ashleyep · December 2013

The only time growing up that I ever wrote Thank You cards was for my High School graduation. I probably did it for gifts I received after my First Communion or Confirmation, but I don't remember those. I always knew you sent them for Weddings/Showers too, of course.

We always got Thank You cards from dad's brother and his kids for gifts we would send, but that side of the family is very WASPy so it makes sense - at 5 years oldmy grandfather would hit my elbows with a knife if I had them on the table at dinner. When they were little the my uncle would write a note and the kids would sign their name. My mom's family wasn't big on etiquette outside of special events.

I'd like to start getting in the habit of sending them now, but it seems funny to start this tradition when it's something I've never done (it's not, of course). I'll probably just write them for gifts I don't open in front of the giver, although I'm not sure they'll be any of those this Christmas.

hoffse · December 2013

I'm not a WASP - not even close - and I was still required to write thank you cards. I was also never physically disciplined by any family members and had to write thank you cards.

I don't really see how those thing relate to writing thank you notes. Good on you for starting - but you might want to rethink how you characterize that good habit going forward. Hitting a child with knife and telling them to write a thank you note before they played with the toy (or asking them to sign their name when they're really little) aren't at all the same sort of thing.

WedinVolterra · December 2013

I was raised to write thank you notes for every gift, unless I received the gift and thanked the giver in person. For Christmas gifts that were mailed, we sent thank you notes.

doeydo · December 2013

scribe95 said:

So to those who don't think writing a thank you card for Christmas gifts is any different, then are you not writing them for shower and wedding gifts? A gift is a gift. I guess I don't understand the differentiation.

No, I do plan on writing thank you notes for shower and wedding gifts. Honestly, before this post I have never even heard about writing thank you notes for Christmas/Birthday/whatever gifts. I just pick up the phone or thank the giver in person at the time of the gift giving.

ashleyep · December 2013

hoffse said:

I'm not a WASP - not even close - and I was still required to write thank you cards. I was also never physically disciplined by any family members and had to write thank you cards.

I don't really see how those thing relate to writing thank you notes. Good on you for starting - but you might want to rethink how you characterize that good habit going forward. Hitting a child with knife and telling them to write a thank you note before they played with the toy (or asking them to sign their name when they're really little) aren't at all the same sort of thing.

@hoffse That's not really what I meant to imply. Obviously Thank You cards aren't unique to WASP families, I was just trying to say that based on their prim and proper behavior it doesn't surprise me now looking back that they would send thank you cards.

@Scribe95 - No, I'm definitely doing them for those. You're right, they're not any different. It's just that growing up my mom only had us do them for major events - graduations, first communion, things like that. I've always known you send them for showers and gifts. We just didn't do them for birthdays/holidays/yearly occasions. It's just not something I was raised doing. But I do want to start.

banana468 · December 2013

I try too send for any gift. When there is an exchange I'm a bit lax because both parties receive. However When the event honors just one person then a thank you note is sent.

I will say that while I have sent them, I have NEVER received a TV note for a Christmas gift.

I'm still waiting on a TV note for the last 3 wedding gifts, 2 wedding shower gifts and 3 baby gifts that we gave to friends and family.

MobKaz · December 2013

banana468 said:

I try too send for any gift. When there is an exchange I'm a bit lax because both parties receive. However When the event honors just one person then a thank you note is sent. I will say that while I have sent them, I have NEVER received a TV note for a Christmas gift. I'm still waiting on a TV note for the last 3 wedding gifts, 2 wedding shower gifts and 3 baby gifts that we gave to friends and family.

This saddens me greatly that so many people have lost sight of basic courtesy.

banana468 · December 2013

It annoys me too. One couple has performed the lack of TO hat trick and it's hard for me to keep my judgy-pants off.

Jen4948 · December 2013

I send a thank-you whenever I get a gift. It's just polite.

lizandmark2014 · December 2013

I am like Jen4948 I send thank you notes whenever I get a gift pritty much.

I grew up writing thank you notes before I could play with/ use a gift. As an adult I still do this. My mom's reasoning and mine is; you can't forget to write a thank you note if you do it ASAP.

Even if you say "thanks" in person it is good practice in writing a heart felt note to send one. The more you write thank you notes the easier and more natural sounding their contents will become.

I like to make others feel as special as they are to me. I send snail mail because it is a gift in letter form telling someone they are appreciated; and I appreciate their gift.

Send notes. Send smiles.

Your current practice is fine. I just prefer thank you notes for most gifts, no matter the occasion.

ElcaB · December 2013

I almost always write thank-you notes. Not only is it good etiquette, but I think hand-written notes are seriously underrated in today's culture. Almost everything is done via email, FB, text, etc. I don't know about you all, but I'm thrilled to find anything that's not a bill or junk mail in my mailbox!

JellyBean52513 · December 2013

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I sent a card to one of my clients from work who dropped off a Christmas gift for me. She's someone I would've sent a Christmas card to anyway, but my card included a "thank you for the gift" statement. When a second client brought me a gift last week, I made sure to send her a Christmas card with a "thank you for the gift" statement as well. Outside of that, I've never sent a thank you card for Christmas gifts because I was usually present with the giver to thank them in person. If someone SENT me a gift, I would absolutely write them a thank you card, no matter what time of year or occasion.

NWR: Thank you note etiquette?

Re: NWR: Thank you note etiquette?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards