Saying grace?

afox007 · December 2013

Have been thinking about this since last night at dinner and wonder if/how we should do grace before dinner at the reception. I think I said grace twice growing up, but it's become important to me since FI says it every night before dinner.

Right now we're leaning towards a buffet so would he say it before everyone got their food? If so is it ok that he's doing it given that people already have to listen to whatever speeches? I dug through some REALLY old posts and almost everything I found was about the officiant doing it, but all the meaning in it for me is that it's always been something FI does.

misssunshine17 · December 2013

I think it's fine as long as it's over in 30 seconds or less.

ETA: yes, I would do it right before people get their food.

southernbelle0915 · December 2013

Most weddings I've been to have grace. We didn't do it at our wedding, though. Not because of an aversion to the practice. We go to church and are religious. But not all of our guests are. It's easy enough for someone who wants to say grace to say a private prayer before they eat, but it doesn't mean everyone has to.

If you decide to keep it short, I think it's fine. And yes, I think it's fine if your FI wants to lead grace. If it's any longer than 30 seconds to a minute, I would nix it. And yes, you'd do it before everyone gets their food.

Maggie0829 · December 2013

If your FI would like to say grace prior to the buffet being open then that would be lovely. I would save the toasts for later in the dinner hour. If I had to sit through a handful of toasts before I got my food I would be grumpy. Let your guests eat and then do the toasts.

ktjanesmom · December 2013

I think it would be lovely if your FI said grace. He could say it right before the buffet line starts. The bride and groom typically go first so that would be a perfect time.

KickAssMOH · December 2013

I am jewish and I personally think it's fine when grace is spoken at weddings, prior to the meal. It's done at many jewish weddings as well - someone might bless the bread and/or the wine. It's overwith quickly either way. I'd do it before anyone gets up to serve themselves from the buffet.

afox007 · December 2013

Yay! I know FI will definitely keep it short and sweet, though I may have to convince him to think about it before hand; there are a few nights where it becomes a little rambley.

I think my MOH is the only one who will be sitting there giggling behind her napkin, but I accept it and understand. She's still shocked that I not only finally settled down, but with someone who just finished going to school for theology. She looked at me like I grew 3 extra heads the first time I went to tuck FI's son in and pray with him before bed.

delujm0 · December 2013

FMIL recently demanded to know if we invited our officiant to the reception because apparently "we need someone to say grace! If she isn't going to do it you have to have someone do it!"

FMIL just got herself a job. We have no prior relationship with the officiant and don't feel the need to host her at the reception. Since FMIL is the ONLY one who cares about this, if she wants it done, she is more than welcome to do it herself. So that is what will happen immediately before the buffet stations open.

HisGirlFriday13 · December 2013

Our priest said the blessing. But we do have a prior relationship with him -- he's the priest who did DH's RCIA and our pre-Cana and he's the priest at the church we attend weekly.

Our order of events was: We were introduced (just me and DH, not the whole WP); my parents (who were hosting) welcomed people; my MOH gave a short toast; the BM gave a short toast; the priest gave the blessing.

All told, from introduction to grace, took less than 10 minutes, and then we didn't interrupt our guests' meals again until the first dances and the cake-cutting, which we did back-to-back so as to not inconvenience our guests too much.

Lauderdale Pink · December 2013

@KickAssMOH, the blessings over bread and wine are technically not Grace, but at weddings for very observant couples, Grace is said after the meal, as is typical for a Jewish Grace.

That said, I think it is lovely when any religious practices continue after the ceremony. If you are a member of a religion that says grace before meals, then I think it would be very touching to say Grace before your first meal as husband and wife.

banana468 · December 2013

It's been nearly six and a half years but I'm pretty sure that our priest said grace before the BM and MOH gave their toasts. Grace was said after cocktail hour but before the plated meal was served.

[Deleted User] · December 2013

H and I aren't religious so there was no prayer or blessing at any time. If any of the guests wanted to do it for themselves that was perfectly alright. I agree with PPs please keep it short.

jdluvr06 · December 2013

I think if it is important to you guys then you should do it but like PPs said keep it short. We're not going to say grace at ours because FI and I are Pagans but most of our family are devout Christians.

monkeysip · December 2013

I said grace at our wedding. Our priest couldn't be there, and we didn't really have any other close relatives who wanted to do it, so I said it. I can't remember exactly what I said, but I'm sure it was like 45 seconds at the most.

The only other toast before dinner was my dad's. We only had one other toast (MOH), but it was after dinner. As long as you spread them out and don't bunch them together, it's fine. I also am sure non-religious people don't mind when religious couples say grace at their wedding. It's not like you're doing an altar call or baptism before dinner.

[Deleted User] · December 2013

We did a quick grace before food was served. We had my brother in law do it because the pastor wasn't there yet because he had to perform an evening service at the church.

aurorajanette · December 2013

As an Athiest, I am perfectly fine with a short 30-45 second grace at the beginning of the meal at a wedding. If it is important to the couple, I think it is absolutely fine. I have never been offended or put-off by this at all.

I was at a wedding once where the "grace" got overly preachy, lasted about 4 minutes, and was very fire and brimstone. The pastor who said the grace, basically said during it that if we all don't accept Jesus as our savior, we would burn for all eternity. Talk about isolating your non-Christian guests... As long as you keep it short, sweet and not too preachy, I think it's absolutely fine.

kerbohl · December 2013

Like PP have said, I think before the meal works, and if you like FI to do it, then that seems really nice. My uncle, who is a pastor, will be saying grace before our lunch.

GrrArgh · December 2013

aurorajanette said:

As an Athiest, I am perfectly fine with a short 30-45 second grace at the beginning of the meal at a wedding. If it is important to the couple, I think it is absolutely fine. I have never been offended or put-off by this at all.

I was at a wedding once where the "grace" got overly preachy, lasted about 4 minutes, and was very fire and brimstone. The pastor who said the grace, basically said during it that if we all don't accept Jesus as our savior, we would burn for all eternity. Talk about isolating your non-Christian guests... As long as you keep it short, sweet and not too preachy, I think it's absolutely fine.

I am a Christian and that would have annoyed the snot out of me too. Bless the food please, don't "damn" my guests. kthx

Jen4948 · December 2013

GrrArgh said:

aurorajanette said:

As an Athiest, I am perfectly fine with a short 30-45 second grace at the beginning of the meal at a wedding. If it is important to the couple, I think it is absolutely fine. I have never been offended or put-off by this at all.

I was at a wedding once where the "grace" got overly preachy, lasted about 4 minutes, and was very fire and brimstone. The pastor who said the grace, basically said during it that if we all don't accept Jesus as our savior, we would burn for all eternity. Talk about isolating your non-Christian guests... As long as you keep it short, sweet and not too preachy, I think it's absolutely fine.

I am a Christian and that would have annoyed the snot out of me too. Bless the food please, don't "damn" my guests. kthx

As a practicing, though not especially religious Jew, that would annoy me too. In fact, my cousin (also Jewish, non-practicing) married a non-practicing Mormon whose father is a minister, and my parents (practicing Jews) hosted the wedding in the meeting and party rooms of their condo building. They asked his father to give a speech, and according to my cousin, they asked him to keep it secular, but he went on about how my cousin and her husband needed to have Jesus in their lives. I guess they couldn't really have expected anything else from a minister, but the bride's family and my parents were offended.

wrigleyville · December 2013

We are not Christian, but we had Christian guests (both of our immediate families), so I felt it would be nice to have a blessing before dinner. I was verrrrrrrrrrry careful about who I picked. We ended up asking my brother, and he kept it short and sweet. He also personalized it a bit, almost like a toast, so it was really nice.

ElcaB · December 2013

Saying grace or blessing before the meal would be just fine. Keep it short, sweet, and simple.

Saying grace?

Re: Saying grace?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards