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Newly engaged - two questions

nshively21nshively21 member
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in Just Engaged and Proposals

I just recently got engaged and have two questions.

First - We were originally looking at a two year engagement, but with our current finances we've decided to push the wedding back another year.  I know places book fast and well in advance, but I was wondering if 3 years is too far in advance to start contacting venues asking for pricing and asking to tour their facility?

Second - My daughter will be almost 12 when we do finally get married, and she is dead set on being the flower girl in my wedding, which I too want her to be the flower girl, but is 12 to old?  I know there's not really any "age limits" on this kind of thing, but I just don't want it to look weird since most flower girls are usually much younger than 12.

Thanks for your help! :)

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Re: Newly engaged - two questions

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    chibiyuichibiyui member
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    @Courtpenquin21 is spot on. Don't book yet, but there is nothing wrong with touring and getting prices. Ask venues how soon they book as well, some indemand venues may book as soon as 2 years out, others closer to a year.
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    KatWAGKatWAG member
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    I wouldnt book anything yet. I would take the first year of your of your engagement and figure out how much you can save and how much you want to spend. Unless you have a specific date you want to get married, I think 18 months is early enough to start the planning process. Remember that your taste/ style can change over time. And some places wont make reservations for more than 2 years out.

    I do think that 12 is too old to be a flower girl. I would ask her to be a birdesmaid, but if she insisted, I wouldnt push it. This is nor a decision you need to make up 6 or so months before the wedding.

    Also, I would refrain from asking anyone to be in your wedding so early. Wait until 6-8 months out, relationship and friendships change.

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    nshively21nshively21 member
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    Thanks so much for the help!  I appreciate everyone's opinions! :)
    I think I will start looking around, 3 years just seems SO far away!
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    Teddy917Teddy917 member
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    She is too old when she tells you that she thinks it's a baby job.
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    MrsHarper23MrsHarper23 member
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    I rather have more than enough time then not enough time especially when you want what you want for your wedding. 2 years is a great time to figure out everything and have great options.
    And Nothing wrong with her wanting to be flower girl and she will always remember it and cherish that special time with you. Also if there's a younger flower girl, they could walk together.
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    seastar15seastar15 member
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    Congratulations!! Adding to what some PP have said, some venues won't even let you book 3 years out. But it doesn't hurt to do some research and start coming up with your budget in the meantime. And enjoy being engaged, of course :)

    For your daughter, I don't believe there's a strict age limit on flower girls - heck, if one of my friends wants to stick a tutu on me and send me skipping down the aisle throwing things I would probably be down. There's also the option of "junior bridesmaid" which seems sort of in the middle. I definitely recommend that you re-evaluate her role as you get closer to your date, as things may change.

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    Teddy917Teddy917 member
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    seastar15 said:

    Congratulations!! Adding to what some PP have said, some venues won't even let you book 3 years out. But it doesn't hurt to do some research and start coming up with your budget in the meantime. And enjoy being engaged, of course :)

    For your daughter, I don't believe there's a strict age limit on flower girls - heck, if one of my friends wants to stick a tutu on me and send me skipping down the aisle throwing things I would probably be down. There's also the option of "junior bridesmaid" which seems sort of in the middle. I definitely recommend that you re-evaluate her role as you get closer to your date, as things may change.

    Don't make her a junior bridesmaid. It's a stupid made up title. If she is old enough to be a bridesmaid, she is old enough to be given the same title as the other girls. And all the bridesmaids do the same thing anyway.
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    lmulion03lmulion03 member
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    We're a little more than 2 years away but we're already contact different venues  for prices and whatnot to get an idea of what we'll be spending and budgeting accordingly. The earlier he better I say! Just don't book anything yet, however.
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    ChrhayesChrhayes member
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    I was 16 and my sister was 14 for my mom's second wedding.  We were her bridesmaids.  Whatever you end up calling your daughter in the ceremony "junior bridesmaid" might be the style of dress that is more appropriate.  If it isn't important to you, let her be called whatever she wants.  There might be some way to word it that is more special than flower girl and different from bridesmaid so she is distinguished from anyone else.  The other cool thing my mom did, was that my sister and I were the ones to "give her away".  
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    suzyk723suzyk723 member
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    I think that three years is a little took far in advance unless you have a place in mind the you are really dead set on. A Lot can change in a 3 years. I think that being a 12 year old flower girl is perfectly fine. She can even take on more responsible and help out more.
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    sarahtrgsarahtrg member
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    I am having a two year engagement and I don't think its ever too soon to look and get ideas. But I almost guarantee your theme/colors/some aspect of your wedding will change so wait until 12-18 months out before you start putting any money down for vendors. Or at least that's my two cents. :) 
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    LizQLizQ member
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    3 years is pretty far off, so a lot will change as you approach the date, but it doesn't hurt to start looking into things. Your daughter may very well change her mind as she gets older, so just check in with her later. If she still wants to do it, then why not? It's your wedding, so do what you want and what you think is important.
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    cwgrl1cwgrl1 member
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    I work for a venue and we book weddings and parties all the time.  I don't think you necessarily need to book 3 years out unless you want a specific place and specific date already (like 11-12-13).  However, if you think you know the venue and date you want, to guarantee you get it, 2 years out is perfectly reasonable.  At the venue I work out we regularly book 2 years out for some events, especially popular days of the week like Saturdays in the summer.
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    Ausome13Ausome13 member
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    I'd say 12 is a bridesmaid age. She may think she wants to be a flower girl now but in 3 years I would almost bet she'll change her mind! 
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    Jack1963Jack1963 member
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    I'm an older bride, second marriage after my first husband passed away with granddaughters. My youngest will be 8, but very tall for her age. She is dead set on being the flower girl. I wouldn't consider anyone else for the job, if it makes her happy, it makes me happy. It's your wedding, plus if the guest talk about it at least you know they will always remember your wedding.
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    rcotter90rcotter90 member
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    I could have written your first question in this post myself.  We got engaged this weekend and are 2 years and 11 months out from our date we want.  We plan to take some time and enjoy being engaged and then begin touring venues and whatnot this summer.  By August I want the venue and photographer booked so I KNOW we got what we really want and at a great price.  Do it all at the pace you feel comfortable and enjoy it!! Congratulations by the way! =)
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    HaileyDancingbearHaileyDancingbear member
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    I think 3 years is too early to start setting any plans in stone, just because things can change between now and then, and booking 3 years in advance isn't really going to be that much more helpful than booking one year in advance anyways.  You can definitely call the venues you're interested in and ask about pricing and how far in advance you can book, but rather than actually booking I'd keep a list of all the venues you called, how much they cost, how far in advance you can book, what you like and don't like about them (Maybe even give them star ratings if you want) etc. so that when you do start booking (I'd do that maybe a year in advance, or a year and a half at most.  Two or three years in advance is just too much time to change your mind) you have all of the information in front of you and know what you want.
    As for the flower girl, I think 12 is fine, but 12 is about the age little girls start trying to act more grown up, so by the time she's 12 she might think being a flower girl is too immature and want to be a bridesmaid instead.  I'd say be prepared to have her either as a flower girl or bridesmaid depending on what she wants when it gets closer to the wedding.
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    emilie250emilie250 member
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    I know how tempting it is to start planning way ahead of time!!! My fiancé and I have been engaged for almost one year and we're getting married in a bit over a year - we're doing a 2 year engagement! I thought it would be too early to start planning, looking at venues, trying on dresses etc… BUT, I did start doing research, prepared our budget (there are so many details!), and bought a wedding planning binder. You could do these types of things. 

    I'm going to repeat what some other people said about your daughter: she could very well feel she is too old to be a flower girl. My little sister is currently 11 and would not want to be a flower girl at all. We're involving her in the following ways: she's going to have a special dress (probably not in charcoal grey like the bridesmaids because she doesn't think it's "pretty", but she may change her mind six months from now lol), she's going to hold the rings and bring them up when it's time (she is very excited about this job, it's adorable), and she may walk down the aisle before the other bridesmaids (but she's not sure if she feels she'll then look like a flower girl lol, we're letting her decide when it's time). She won't stand at the front, but we're going to reserve a seat for her in the front row. Maybe what we're doing will give you some ideas!! 
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    bremnerschmitzbremnerschmitz member
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    My mom got married when I was about 12, and I was "too cool" to be a flower girl at that age, so she made me a Junior Bridesmaid - I got to wear the same dress as the bridesmaids and felt very grown-up. It was really cool to me that I got to be on the same level as my mom's friends. I'd recommend maybe telling her she'll be a flower girl for now since it's so far out, and then maybe when the date gets closer telling her she can pick between flower girl or junior bridesmaid. 
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    laureneliz87_23318347laureneliz87_23318347 member
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    I agree that junior bridesmaid is a great idea for her - and I bet she will absolutely love feeling like a grown-up part of your big day. :)
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