Children walking u down the aisle?

BrandiNSteve · December 2013

I'm just wondering if any of u ladies had ur children walk u down the aisle or someone else?

My Dad lives in the States and has been there since I was born. I have visited him maybe 4 times. I like the idea of my 12 year old son giving me away because it's just me, my fiance and son that are an immediate family. Steve (My fiance) even asked Christian (My son) if he could marry me before he even asked and then proposed in front of him as well. I feel that Christian in all honesty is the one that should have that say, since I'm his

Lol. All my family is accepting and Christian is excited for when the officiant asks 'Who gives this woman away?', to be able to say "I do, 50/50" ... Aww.

How did u enjoy having your children walk u or what did u think of it if u ever saw it at a wedding?

Jen4948 · December 2013

It's sweet if they walk you down the aisle.

But if a child is a minor, I don't think it's a great idea to have them "give away" their mothers.

s-aries8990 · December 2013

Can he just give you a hug or a kiss before passing you off to FI?

BrandiNSteve · December 2013

It's not a formal thing for us, we know the officiant and it is only 50 of our closest friends and family ... We want it to be very personal and fun-loving, what he said is not a definite, but it's cute. He is just going to walk me down and then stand up with my fiance. He is Steve's honorary Best man since he is not old enough to sign the registrar, we just want to make sure he feels the day is also about him as well as us.

Jen4948 · December 2013

I just don't find it to be "cute" or "moving" or "fun-loving" when children are expected to take on adult roles-particularly in their parents' weddings-regardless of the level of formality or lack thereof.

In part it is simply that they are not adults. But also, weddings just aren't about the couple's children from former relationships. It could convey to the child a sense of "holding the reins" and power that should remain with the adults. Also, Christian does not have a choice in whether you marry or to whom. If for some reason your marriage to your current FI were to end, how would he feel about his having been asked for "permission" to marry you? What if he wasn't okay with you divorcing?

And finally, when all is said and done, weddings should be about the couple-children from previous relationships should not be the stars of the show any more than any other persons.

This is not to say that I don't think he should walk with you down the aisle-just that that is where I'd leave it. Please don't try to treat him too much like an adult or do anything that suggests that he has a bigger role in your marriage than he actually will. In other words-treat him like the 12 year old he is.

[Deleted User] · December 2013

Why not, he is being impacted by this marriage too. It's like your son's way of saying yes I will share my mom with you and accept you into our lives as part of our family. Maybe though instead of "giving you away" the officiant can ask "who presents this women to this man" because a son never will "give his mom away" and he isn't passing on the responsibility of taking care of you like a father would.

Jen4948 · December 2013

Erikan73 said:

Why not, he is being impacted by this marriage too. It's like your son's way of saying yes I will share my mom with you and accept you into our lives as part of our family. Maybe though instead of "giving you away" the officiant can ask "who presents this women to this man" because a son never will "give his mom away" and he isn't passing on the responsibility of taking care of you like a father would.

The bolded is exactly why I think his role in the wedding should be limited to walking with his mom down the aisle. He can't "give his mom away" and isn't passing on any responsibility, so he shouldn't even symbolically act as if he is-especially because he has no choice in whether or not his mom marries her FI.

CMGragain · December 2013

Having your 12 year old son walk you down the aisle is lovely, as long long as he is OK with it. It is not necessary for anyone to "give away" the bride, but if your son wishes to do this, his correct answer would be "Her family does."

BrandiNSteve · December 2013

Thanks, I really don't put symbolism in the giving away part, so it doesn't need to be asked. Both my fiance and I consider everything we do as a family, and Christian always wants to be included. Him walking me up is mostly because he is the only one besides us, whose life is changing with this wedding. As for weddings, I don't believe that the wedding should only be about the couple, not the children as well. Neither of us feel that way. It is your new life and family that your celebrating, that should be you, your spouse and children. My son would never feel because we gave him such an important part in the wedding that he holds the control in the relationship ... He feels like he is important and loved and the most special one that we want by our side through the whole thing. Thanks for all the responses!

Gina0887 · December 2013

12 is still pretty young, I would suggest him walking with you and kiss but not "give you away" although I see your sentiment behind it (my little guy is mine and I'm his

The Jewish have a glass breaking tradition in which you all 3 could break the glass then keep it later in a jar (my FSIL did this and she is not Jewish because her son (not his) was a big part of their marriage.

Jen4948 · December 2013

Gina0887 said:

12 is still pretty young, I would suggest him walking with you and kiss but not "give you away" although I see your sentiment behind it (my little guy is mine and I'm his The Jewish have a glass breaking tradition in which you all 3 could break the glass then keep it later in a jar (my FSIL did this and she is not Jewish because her son (not his) was a big part of their marriage.

I'm Jewish, and I can tell you that this is not a "bonding tradition," nor should it be done outside of a Jewish wedding or by anyone other than the groom (or the couple at a Reform Jewish wedding).

It is done to recognize pain and suffering, in a specifically Jewish religious context, because it commemorates the destruction of the Temple. It would be highly offensive to practicing Jews for non-Jews to co-opt this ritual and use it as a "bonding ritual," especially with children.

BrandiNSteve · January 2014

We have a family sand ceremony for that

abbyj700 · January 2014

I absolutely love this idea. It's a wonderful way for your son to know that he is a big part of this decision and that you both love him and respect him. He's becoming a young man - and for his mom to get married is a big deal that could change his life. For him to be close to your FI enough that you both really want this says a lot - it sounds wonderful!

Jen4948 · January 2014

abbyj700 said:

I absolutely love this idea. It's a wonderful way for your son to know that he is a big part of this decision and that you both love him and respect him. He's becoming a young man - and for his mom to get married is a big deal that could change his life. For him to be close to your FI enough that you both really want this says a lot - it sounds wonderful!

Actually, he's not part of the decision at all, and his participation needs to reflect that. This is not to say that he shouldn't participate at all; just that it should not be in a way that suggests that he has power and control in her decision when he does not. It would be perfectly fine for him to walk with her down the aisle and act as a bridesman, groomsman, or reader, but he is not "giving her away" and shouldn't exchange vows or receive gifts.

JennyColada · January 2014

I think that anyone you want to walk you down the aisle is fine. I've always pictured walking down the aisle side by side with my Fi, because I already consider us partners in life. I would feel very awkward having any of my family members walk me down the aisle, as I've always felt very independent in my life (and my parents have always tried to foster that in me).

But I suppose that I feel this way because I also plan on a very small wedding (10 people), so I won't have a formal procession anyhow.

Long story short, however is meaningful to you will probably make me happy to see it.

melmunn · January 2014

My dad recently passed away, and so I've asked my 10 year-old nephew to walk me down the aisle. My dad was his granddaddy and his best "buddy", so filling in for my dad has made my little nephew feel like a really important part of my wedding and feel like he's honoring his grandpa/my dad. Plus, I was in the delivery room when my nephew was born, so he and I have always had a special bond. But we're not going to have him "give me away" at the reception. Besides, I'm 37 years-old! LOL! :-) He's just going to walk me down the aisle, give me a peck on the cheek, and then have a seat beside my mom (his mother - my sister - is my maid of honor, and his little sister in my flower girl, so it's definitely a family affair.).

Marzipan13 · February 2014

Jen4948 said:

show previous quotes

Gina0887 said:

12 is still pretty young, I would suggest him walking with you and kiss but not "give you away" although I see your sentiment behind it (my little guy is mine and I'm his The Jewish have a glass breaking tradition in which you all 3 could break the glass then keep it later in a jar (my FSIL did this and she is not Jewish because her son (not his) was a big part of their marriage.

I'm Jewish, and I can tell you that this is not a "bonding tradition," nor should it be done outside of a Jewish wedding or by anyone other than the groom (or the couple at a Reform Jewish wedding).

It is done to recognize pain and suffering, in a specifically Jewish religious context, because it commemorates the destruction of the Temple. It would be highly offensive to practicing Jews for non-Jews to co-opt this ritual and use it as a "bonding ritual," especially with children.

---------------------stuck in the box--------------------------

I'm not even Jewish, and this offended me.

robynnease · March 2014

Jen4948 said:

show previous quotes

abbyj700 said:

I absolutely love this idea. It's a wonderful way for your son to know that he is a big part of this decision and that you both love him and respect him. He's becoming a young man - and for his mom to get married is a big deal that could change his life. For him to be close to your FI enough that you both really want this says a lot - it sounds wonderful!

Actually, he's not part of the decision at all, and his participation needs to reflect that. This is not to say that he shouldn't participate at all; just that it should not be in a way that suggests that he has power and control in her decision when he does not. It would be perfectly fine for him to walk with her down the aisle and act as a bridesman, groomsman, or reader, but he is not "giving her away" and shouldn't exchange vows or receive gifts.

I just have to wonder if you are yet a parent. (Jen) Our children have very much to do with who we may marry. While we are the adults, we also must respect how our children may feel about a man we are dating. Not so much that they say no you can't date him, but to be able to say that they are not comfortable with that person, etc

Many people these days are getting married a second time around and it is possible that both the bride and groom may have children and when that happens, I feel it very important the children be included. They need to know that they are just as important in this new family.

My son will be 20 next week and I have asked him to give me away. He has graciously accepted. He and my daughter love my SO and I would not have it any other way.

I lost my father almost twenty years ago now so he wont be doing it.

My son knows he will never lose me, of course.

Children need to know that they will be just as important to their parent as they were before this new step parent.

Jen4948 · March 2014

robynnease said:

show previous quotes

Jen4948 said:

abbyj700 said:

I absolutely love this idea. It's a wonderful way for your son to know that he is a big part of this decision and that you both love him and respect him. He's becoming a young man - and for his mom to get married is a big deal that could change his life. For him to be close to your FI enough that you both really want this says a lot - it sounds wonderful!

Actually, he's not part of the decision at all, and his participation needs to reflect that. This is not to say that he shouldn't participate at all; just that it should not be in a way that suggests that he has power and control in her decision when he does not. It would be perfectly fine for him to walk with her down the aisle and act as a bridesman, groomsman, or reader, but he is not "giving her away" and shouldn't exchange vows or receive gifts.

I just have to wonder if you are yet a parent. (Jen) Our children have very much to do with who we may marry. While we are the adults, we also must respect how our children may feel about a man we are dating. Not so much that they say no you can't date him, but to be able to say that they are not comfortable with that person, etc

Many people these days are getting married a second time around and it is possible that both the bride and groom may have children and when that happens, I feel it very important the children be included. They need to know that they are just as important in this new family.

My son will be 20 next week and I have asked him to give me away. He has graciously accepted. He and my daughter love my SO and I would not have it any other way.

I lost my father almost twenty years ago now so he wont be doing it.

My son knows he will never lose me, of course.

Children need to know that they will be just as important to their parent as they were before this new step parent.

robynnease, it's none of your damn business whether or not I'm a parent, and I still disagree with the idea that kids should "give their parents away" or that they should have speaking roles in their parents' wedding ceremony or that they should receive gifts.

I still feel that any child who is involved in the wedding ceremony of their parents can do it in the normal roles that anyone would be in: bridesmaid/man, groomsman/maid, ring bearer, flower girl, usher, or reader if they are okay with it (sometimes kids are not okay with being in the wedding ceremony of their remarrying parent, especially if their other parent is still in their lives), and if they're not okay with it, their feelings should be respected and they should not be pressured to participate.

CMGragain · March 2014

Thank God, my mother didn't insist that I give her away when she remarried! The marriage lasted less than 4 years, and it was a complete disaster! Yeah, they were "in love " and were going to love each other forever.
Walking you down the aisle is OK, but not the giving away part. This isn't usually done for any but first marriages, anyway. Give the kid a break!

starbright2013 · April 2014

Holy cow, what strong reactions!!! Totally late to this game and maybe this isn't a thing anymore but just in case...

I think it'd be totally cute for your son to give you away. All these responses about how your child can't give you away or doesn't have a say in your decision - "giving away" is typically a role reserved for the father, who also can't TECHNICALLY "give you away" because that would insinuate you're his property, and who also doesn't have a say in your decision. So I really don't see the problem in having your son do it instead. As long as he's on board with that role, why not!

Plus, what matters what is what YOU and your fiance want. If you're happy, no need to change your decision based on what other people want.

Jen4948 · April 2014

starbright2013 said:

Holy cow, what strong reactions!!! Totally late to this game and maybe this isn't a thing anymore but just in case...

I think it'd be totally cute for your son to give you away. All these responses about how your child can't give you away or doesn't have a say in your decision - "giving away" is typically a role reserved for the father, who also can't TECHNICALLY "give you away" because that would insinuate you're his property, and who also doesn't have a say in your decision. So I really don't see the problem in having your son do it instead. As long as he's on board with that role, why not!

Plus, what matters what is what YOU and your fiance want. If you're happy, no need to change your decision based on what other people want.

"Cute" =/= "appropriate." Also, sorry, but what you and your fiance want are not the only things that matter at your wedding. As soon as you invite or otherwise involve even one other person, the wedding is also about what they need.

Children walking u down the aisle?

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