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XP: instead of meal choice- pie choice?

Bruins63Bruins63 member
100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Reception Forum

(posted this is food too but that doesn't seem to get as much traffic)

We're having a buffet so no meal choice is needed. Fiance and I both hate cake so we're having a small personal cheesecake made for us. For everyone else we are having individual sized pies. Should we put the options on the reply card (apple, blueberry, banana, chocolate) or should we just guess at how many of each to order with the majority being apple?

Also they come in their own little box. I was just going to leave them in the boxes and display on a table that way if people are full they can take theirs home. Does that sound ok or ugly? Should I order more than in attendance in case people take 2 or should I put out a sign that says like Please Take One? And do you think people would mind if we have cheesecake and they don't- is that rude?

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Re: XP: instead of meal choice- pie choice?

  • Bruins63Bruins63 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Also if it matters- we're only having 60 guests so not like 250 individual pies! And they come already in a box from the grocery store so the box gets wasted either way if we remove it or the guest does. So it's really no more complicated than having an expensive baker make a cake and the plates to serve it.
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  • tammym1001tammym1001 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I think if you are serving the pie as your dessert then they shouldn't be on a table in boxes. If they were like that I would think I shouldn't take one until I leave and then that wouldn't be dessert. I've never seen a dessert choice on a reply card. Can you just have the caterers set the pies out and let people take what they want or have them bring them around to the tables?

    If you were serving cake the pieces would be set out on a table on a plate so people would know it's ok to take one and I think you should do something similar with the pies.
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  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I would put them on the tables in their categories and let people choose.  I would hope that people wouldn't be greedy and take more than one. 

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  • Bruins63Bruins63 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    kerbohl said:
    I would put them on the tables in their categories and let people choose.  I would hope that people wouldn't be greedy and take more than one. 
    Holy crap I just called the distributor directly and he can do 75 cents per pie! That is way less than I had budgeted so I think I will order 2 per person!  
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think it's rude to serve yourselves something your guests won't have. Either eat a little pie like everyone else or set up a buffet table with several large cheesecakes and a multitude of mini pies. I think the pies should not be in boxes.
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  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    xmobergx said:

    (posted this is food too but that doesn't seem to get as much traffic)

    We're having a buffet so no meal choice is needed. Fiance and I both hate cake so we're having a small personal cheesecake made for us. For everyone else we are having individual sized pies. Should we put the options on the reply card (apple, blueberry, banana, chocolate) or should we just guess at how many of each to order with the majority being apple?

    Also they come in their own little box. I was just going to leave them in the boxes and display on a table that way if people are full they can take theirs home. Does that sound ok or ugly? Should I order more than in attendance in case people take 2 or should I put out a sign that says like Please Take One? And do you think people would mind if we have cheesecake and they don't- is that rude?

    It is really rude and tacky to have cheesecake for yourselves and not give that option to your guests. Its the same thing as serving chicken to your guests while you eat lobster.

    I would put the boxes on a dessert table and let your guests pick. But yes, I would order more than the number of people you expect.

    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I suddenly realize that I would have a hard time deciding between the chocolate and banana pie . . . If I were a guest I might be evil and take two pies.  How are you going to be able to decide how many of each?  I can see chocolate being very popular as compared to blueberry (I do love blueberry, but no competition beside chocolate).

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  • Bruins63Bruins63 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper

    Ok- I wasn't sure about the cheesecake but you guys are right- that does seem rude to not offer any to the guests so I will nix that idea and just have pie myself.

    A friend also pointed out that asking on the reply card might confuse people into thinking there is no dinner...so I probably shouldn't ask and just get a variety.

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    xmobergx said:

    (posted this is food too but that doesn't seem to get as much traffic)

    We're having a buffet so no meal choice is needed. Fiance and I both hate cake so we're having a small personal cheesecake made for us. For everyone else we are having individual sized pies. Should we put the options on the reply card (apple, blueberry, banana, chocolate) or should we just guess at how many of each to order with the majority being apple?

    Also they come in their own little box. I was just going to leave them in the boxes and display on a table that way if people are full they can take theirs home. Does that sound ok or ugly? Should I order more than in attendance in case people take 2 or should I put out a sign that says like Please Take One? And do you think people would mind if we have cheesecake and they don't- is that rude?

    With regards to the bolded, 'fraid so.  It's not okay to have anything yourselves that your guests aren't offered.

    If the pies are meant to be favors, then you can have small individually boxed ones, but any that are meant to be eaten at the reception as dessert should not be boxed.
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Jen4948 said:
    show previous quotes
    With regards to the bolded, 'fraid so.  It's not okay to have anything yourselves that your guests aren't offered.

    If the pies are meant to be favors, then you can have small individually boxed ones, but any that are meant to be eaten at the reception as dessert should not be boxed.

    This. If I'm given a pie in a box, I'm going to assume it's a favor to take home, and wonder where my real dessert is. If the pie is dessert, it needs to be served on a plate with a fork right after dinner.
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Jen4948 said:
    show previous quotes
    With regards to the bolded, 'fraid so.  It's not okay to have anything yourselves that your guests aren't offered.

    If the pies are meant to be favors, then you can have small individually boxed ones, but any that are meant to be eaten at the reception as dessert should not be boxed.

    This. If I'm given a pie in a box, I'm going to assume it's a favor to take home, and wonder where my real dessert is. If the pie is dessert, it needs to be served on a plate with a fork right after dinner.
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  • Bruins63Bruins63 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    That you everyone. I had not thought it through, will definitely be removing the boxes and either displaying them nice on cupcake towers or having the caterer pass them out. :)
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  • erinbethperinbethp member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its
    If you are ordering 2 pies per person... could you have enough out for dessert and then have a pie per person in a box as a favour?
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  • erinbethperinbethp member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its
    PS. Pie is awesome... good choice!
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  • indianaalumindianaalum member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Technically, if you are having cheesecake, it must be availavle to guests otherwise it is considered " tiered".

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  • oliviaester1991oliviaester1991 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    Honestly if I went to a reception that served pie while the bride and groom ate cheesecake I wouldn't think anything of it. It's your day, if you want cheesecake, you eat cheesecake!
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    oliviaester1991 said:
    Honestly if I went to a reception that served pie while the bride and groom ate cheesecake I wouldn't think anything of it. It's your day, if you want cheesecake, you eat cheesecake!
    Ah, no.  Lose the "it's your day" because that's rude.

    If you want cheesecake, OP, it's fine to have cheesecake as long as you serve it to your guests also.  It is not appropriate for you and your FI to have yourselves served anything you are not offering to the guests.  That is "tiered hospitality" and it's rude.
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  • oliviaester1991oliviaester1991 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary

    Jen4948 said:
    show previous quotes
    Ah, no.  Lose the "it's your day" because that's rude.

    If you want cheesecake, OP, it's fine to have cheesecake as long as you serve it to your guests also.  It is not appropriate for you and your FI to have yourselves served anything you are not offering to the guests.  That is "tiered hospitality" and it's rude.
    I don't think saying "it's your day" is rude. Because it is their day. I think a wedding should be about a bride and groom celebrating themselves and their lives together and doing what they want to do. Of course you have to provide for your guests and be hospitable (im sorry i have no idea if that is the right word i am looking for) but your wedding isn't solely about your guests, you need to think about yourself and your fiance as well.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    oliviaester1991 said:

    show previous quotes
    I don't think saying "it's your day" is rude. Because it is their day. I think a wedding should be about a bride and groom celebrating themselves and their lives together and doing what they want to do. Of course you have to provide for your guests and be hospitable (im sorry i have no idea if that is the right word i am looking for) but your wedding isn't solely about your guests, you need to think about yourself and your fiance as well.
    For a couple to think about what they want to do is one thing, but it would be rude of them to serve themselves food or drinks that they don't offer to their guests or to behave in other ways that don't take their guests' feelings into consideration.  Unfortunately, that "it's our day" is too often followed up with "so screw everyone else, even the guests we invited to take the time, money, energy, and resources out of their lives to come and celebrate us" attitude.  And that's what this OP is proposing when she wants to have a dessert only for her and her FI-because she thinks it's "their" day.  The day belongs to everyone in the world.
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  • oliviaester1991oliviaester1991 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    Jen4948 said:
    show previous quotes
    For a couple to think about what they want to do is one thing, but it would be rude of them to serve themselves food or drinks that they don't offer to their guests or to behave in other ways that don't take their guests' feelings into consideration.  Unfortunately, that "it's our day" is too often followed up with "so screw everyone else, even the guests we invited to take the time, money, energy, and resources out of their lives to come and celebrate us" attitude.  And that's what this OP is proposing when she wants to have a dessert only for her and her FI-because she thinks it's "their" day.  The day belongs to everyone in the world.
    I understand what you are saying, some people are kinda jerks about their wedding day and don't think about the people coming, however I respectfully disagree about your thoughts on the bride and groom serving themselves cheesecake and not the rest of the guests, if they were serving anyone other than themselves (such as select guests) I would agree with you. I have been to a wedding or two where the bridal party was served top shelf alcohol and the rest of the guests were served house brand, I wasn't upset or anything because I understand the extra time and effort that those people put into the day.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited January 2014
    oliviaester1991 said:
    show previous quotes
    I understand what you are saying, some people are kinda jerks about their wedding day and don't think about the people coming, however I respectfully disagree about your thoughts on the bride and groom serving themselves cheesecake and not the rest of the guests, if they were serving anyone other than themselves (such as select guests) I would agree with you. I have been to a wedding or two where the bridal party was served top shelf alcohol and the rest of the guests were served house brand, I wasn't upset or anything because I understand the extra time and effort that those people put into the day.
    Sorry, but my opinion stands.  It is rude for the couple to serve themselves ANYTHING they are not going to serve to their guests.

    Whether or not you or any individual person is upset by something is not what defines it as bad etiquette.
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