nevermind

3ringnecklace · December 2013

forget it-

PolarBearFitz · December 2013

I mean I have to ask because the tone of this sounds a bit demanding but:

Did you tell her no in a nice and polite way? Or did you trash her idea and act rude about it?

It really depends on how and what you said to her for me to discern whether you have gone ZILLA. I do have to say the phrase 'it's your wedding, do what YOU want.' is conducive to bridezilla behavior. Your wedding is not just your wedding it is also your groom's...

3ringnecklace · December 2013

nevermind-

OliveOilsMom · December 2013

Are the BMs dresses long? Then it really doesn't matter what shoes your sister would wear because no one would see them.

OliveOilsMom · December 2013

Really, OP? You were given helpful advice and you deleted your post becuase you didn't like our resopnses? That's immature and your post could have helped others. You also released the Bat signal by changing your title.

CN: OP's sister/BM asked if she could wear cowboy boots to her Texas wedding. OP said no. Then she had a tirade about Texas weddings and cowboy boots. And how she has always done as brides requested since it was their wedding. And she had a whole it's YOUR day section as well.

tammym1001 · December 2013

As soon as I saw the title of this thread I thought man I hope someone quoted it. Thanks for the CN's @OliveOilsMom.

OliveOilsMom · December 2013

tammym1001 said:

As soon as I saw the title of this thread I thought man I hope someone quoted it. Thanks for the CN's @OliveOilsMom.

I'm usually so good with the quoting too! I failed myself!

PolarBearFitz · December 2013

I should have quoted but I didn't think after one post someone would withdraw a discussion like that.

Just to add to OliveOils comments:The complaint was that her sister in the bridal party wanted to wear cowboy boots. The bride said NO! and that she fully believe in 'it's your wedding, do what YOU want.' The overall tone of the post was very demanding.

She said her sister could have cowboy boots at her own wedding. She also made the point to state that she was from New York but lives in Texas and her groom is from Missouri. There is also nothing cowboy themed at the wedding.

chibiyui · December 2013

Dear op, if you want to control footwear for your BMs, buy it.

Signed,
Someone who hates cowboy boots with dresses.

CrazyCatLady3 · December 2013

chibiyui said:

Dear op, if you want to control footwear for your BMs, buy it. Signed, Someone who hates cowboy boots with dresses.

I think it's reasonable of her to say no cowboy boots, and just ask her to wear a type of shoe she already has, ie. black sandals or something like that. But yes, if she is going to dictate one particular type of shoe that people don't have in their closet, she should pay.

chibiyui · December 2013

CrazyCatLady3 said:

chibiyui said:

Dear op, if you want to control footwear for your BMs, buy it. Signed, Someone who hates cowboy boots with dresses.

I think it's reasonable of her to say no cowboy boots, and just ask her to wear a type of shoe she already has, ie. black sandals or something like that. But yes, if she is going to dictate one particular type of shoe that people don't have in their closet, she should pay.

I agree too. Given the way OP has acted though, my bet is she went off on her sister instead of just saying "no cowboy boots".

hyechica81 · December 2013

i understand its your wedding but dont be rude about it the dresses we got are long the color of shoes they have to wear is silver they can wear any shoe they want as long as its silver

3ringnecklace · December 2013

For the record, no I didn't "go off" on my sister. She asked, I said no. I didn't raise my voice or use a snotty tone at all. Geez! I guess when I wrote the original post I made it seem more dramatic than it really was. I guess I gave everyone the wrong impression. I removed the post because it seemed like I was being misunderstood.

I already bought the bridesmaid dresses for both of them. They both have much lower incomes than me so I thought it would be nice to pick up that expense. I'm going to pay for their hair and makeup as well. I've also gone out of my way to save them other travel expenses too.

I told them to wear whatever dress shoe they want. My other sister is wearing a pair of shoes that I don't like but I told her that if she likes them, then fine. I just see the boots as inappropriate and would clash with the attire.

chibiyui · December 2013

3ringnecklace said:

For the record, no I didn't "go off" on my sister. She asked, I said no. I didn't raise my voice or use a snotty tone at all. Geez! I guess when I wrote the original post I made it seem more dramatic than it really was. I guess I gave everyone the wrong impression. I removed the post because it seemed like I was being misunderstood.

I already bought the bridesmaid dresses for both of them. They both have much lower incomes than me so I thought it would be nice to pick up that expense. I'm going to pay for their hair and makeup as well. I've also gone out of my way to save them other travel expenses too.

I told them to wear whatever dress shoe they want. My other sister is wearing a pair of shoes that I don't like but I told her that if she likes them, then fine. I just see the boots as inappropriate and would clash with the attire.

Thats fine, and it is completely acceptable to say that the boots are inappropriate.

Generally speaking on these boards, deleting responses only makes you look worse. We all have our moments when we "misspeak" and text can be interpreted many ways.

Don't let this discourage you though! I know I had a rough start when I first started posting on the boards.

3ringnecklace · December 2013

Thank you for your words of encouragement.

I have thought long and hard about my reaction to my sister's question. And you all are right- I was too harsh. In my mind, I thought I was standing up for myself and I was afraid that if I didn't put my foot down, then I would be walked all over like a doormat. When in reality I shut her down very quickly, which was disrespectful in and of itself. Again, I didn't do it in a nasty tone, but still, not very nice of me.

So I texted her to she if she could talk (she's an artist and very busy vending this time of year) and she couldn't at the time. I told her that I owe her an apology and if would be great if she could call me when she could. I'd rather do it over the phone than over text (I live in Texas and she lives in Virginia so face to face is not possible right now). I am truly sorry that I shot her down when really a "I'd rather not but thank you for asking" would have sufficed. She can be pushy at times and in my mind I was trying to prevent that from happening. Still, my relationship with her is more important than what shoes she wears.

Although I was not happy about some responses on this thread, it made me think some more about the issue. It really wasn't about the shoes; it's about having a solid relationship with my sister. So something very positive came out of this whole experience. Thank you ladies!

Alexandrathgr8 · December 2013

chibiyui said:

Thats fine, and it is completely acceptable to say that the boots are inappropriate.

Generally speaking on these boards, deleting responses only makes you look worse. We all have our moments when we "misspeak" and text can be interpreted many ways.

Don't let this discourage you though! I know I had a rough start when I first started posting on the boards.

Here! Here! Me Too!!!

[Deleted User] · December 2013

3ringnecklace said:

Thank you for your words of encouragement.

I have thought long and hard about my reaction to my sister's question. And you all are right- I was too harsh. In my mind, I thought I was standing up for myself and I was afraid that if I didn't put my foot down, then I would be walked all over like a doormat. When in reality I shut her down very quickly, which was disrespectful in and of itself. Again, I didn't do it in a nasty tone, but still, not very nice of me.

So I texted her to she if she could talk (she's an artist and very busy vending this time of year) and she couldn't at the time. I told her that I owe her an apology and if would be great if she could call me when she could. I'd rather do it over the phone than over text (I live in Texas and she lives in Virginia so face to face is not possible right now). I am truly sorry that I shot her down when really a "I'd rather not but thank you for asking" would have sufficed. She can be pushy at times and in my mind I was trying to prevent that from happening. Still, my relationship with her is more important than what shoes she wears.

Although I was not happy about some responses on this thread, it made me think some more about the issue. It really wasn't about the shoes; it's about having a solid relationship with my sister. So something very positive came out of this whole experience. Thank you ladies!

*Hugs* Kudos to you for apologizing and coming to your senses. BTW, I completely agree with you on the cowboy boots, they just don't work with BM dresses. Please stick around and keep us updated with your wedding. Any questions or concerns we are here to help!

3ringnecklace · December 2013

Thanks ladies! We were able to talk over the weekend and she accepted my apology. I'm going to be more tactful and respectful in the future when someone pitches an idea to me about the wedding that I don't agree with. I don't think I had a "bridezilla" moment (I told my other sister about it and she was shocked that our other sister was say that to me) but still, I don't want to put others down. It didn't feel good to get my feelings hurt but well, it probably didn't feel good when I shot her down. Lesson learned.

nevermind

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