Plus Ones...

Uklaw88 · December 2013

Ok, so how did you guys get around allowing EVERYONE a plus one. I don't mind the people I'm close with having one, or the people I know are in a long term relationship, but what about the people that we're inviting and know they would be searching around for a plus one?

Does that make sense?

audubonbride2013 · December 2013

We invited everyone in relationships with their BF or GF. We gave single members of the bridal party a plus one and anyone who wouldn't know other people at the wedding a plus one.

You don't have to invite truly single guests with a plus one.

Amyzen83 · December 2013

You address the invitation to the people who are invited and for those you are allowing plus ones you can put on the RSVP X out of x people are coming.

MrsMack10612 · December 2013

We had the space and it never occured to us to not include plus ones for all single guests, but we only had 10 people that needed a plus one.

I think if they are truly single, you don't have to give them a plus one. I think it's a nice thing to do for the WP, but not anyone else.

phira · December 2013

Invitation to a person in a relationship:

"Mr. John Smith and Mr John Doe"

Invitation to a single person who may bring a guest:

"Mr. John Smith and Guest"

Invitation to a single person who may not bring a guest:

"Mr. John Smith"

PrettyGirlLost · December 2013

Uklaw88 said:

Ok, so how did you guys get around allowing EVERYONE a plus one. I don't mind the people I'm close with having one, or the people I know are in a long term relationship, but what about the people that we're inviting and know they would be searching around for a plus one?

Does that make sense?

You don't need to give truly single guests a Plus One, and if you don't want them to add in a random date

1. Address your STDs and Invitations only to your guest
2. Put on the RSVP card "1 seat has been reserved in your honor"

Inkdancer · December 2013

If people are truly single, there is no need to give them a +1. However, please make sure that you check first. I was left off an invite after FI and I had been together for 5 years, and I was not happy!

Uklaw88 · December 2013

Ah perfect suggestions. Thank you! I never thought I would care about plus ones, but the venue has a small capacity, so our guest list has to be quite small.

AddieCake · December 2013

You said you don't mind giving the people you are close to one. I hope that doesn't mean you will give some singles a plus one but not others.

kgd7357 · December 2013

Stick to just SOs and giving the Bridal Party a plus one. It's too confusing if you let some solo guests a plus one and some not. The Bridal Party is special though.

Bruins63 · December 2013

I honestly don't understand some of the posters on this site. They go nuts about proper etiquette and Emily Post, and no cash bars, and considering guest's needs and making them comfortable- yet they totally contradict that by saying it's fine to not plus one people.

I have 3 single guests- how completely awkward would it be for the 3 of them to sit alone among 30 couples?! That would be terribly rude and I would never put them in that situation.

Jen4948 · December 2013

xmobergx said:

I honestly don't understand some of the posters on this site. They go nuts about proper etiquette and Emily Post, and no cash bars, and considering guest's needs and making them comfortable- yet they totally contradict that by saying it's fine to not plus one people.
I have 3 single guests- how completely awkward would it be for the 3 of them to sit alone among 30 couples?! That would be terribly rude and I would never put them in that situation.

Because it's expensive to provide food and the other costs of entertainment for even one person.

The rules of etiquette require that people who already have partners be accommodated by including their partners in the invitation, and that doubles the number of people who are being invited who happen to have partners. So for that group of people, costs and the need for space double too.

So when it comes to people who don't have to by etiquette be invited with someone else, sometimes it just isn't possible to invite all those people with dates after budgeting for all the plus ones for people in relationships. Even in the best situation, their budgets may just not allow for it. Also, weddings aren't clubs. People are invited to weddings to celebrate with the couple-not as a "date." So it's not rude to not invite single people with dates. It may not seem fair, but those who are single who are not invited with dates are free to decline the invitation. But they are not welcome to complain about how "rude" it is that they weren't invited with a date, because the hosts were not rude to them in not doing so.

NYCBruin · December 2013

xmobergx said:

I honestly don't understand some of the posters on this site. They go nuts about proper etiquette and Emily Post, and no cash bars, and considering guest's needs and making them comfortable- yet they totally contradict that by saying it's fine to not plus one people.
I have 3 single guests- how completely awkward would it be for the 3 of them to sit alone among 30 couples?! That would be terribly rude and I would never put them in that situation.

I know a lot of single people who wouldn't like the suggestion that it must be terribly awkward and uncomfortable for them to socialize without a date. My single friends have plenty of fun at weddings without plus ones.

Then again, the last wedding I was invited to without a plus-one was the one I met my FI at, so maybe I'm biased.

Viczaesar · December 2013

xmobergx said:

I honestly don't understand some of the posters on this site. They go nuts about proper etiquette and Emily Post, and no cash bars, and considering guest's needs and making them comfortable- yet they totally contradict that by saying it's fine to not plus one people.
I have 3 single guests- how completely awkward would it be for the 3 of them to sit alone among 30 couples?! That would be terribly rude and I would never put them in that situation.

That wouldn't be rude, actually. It might be awkward, and you're welcome to give them a Plus One in order to offset the anticipated awkwardness, but it's not required by etiquette and it's not rude not to give single guests a Plus One.

LizM61409 · December 2013

I don't really understand bridesmaids bringing plus ones. Let's recap how the day will go for the date:

- He sits around in the hotel while BM is off getting hair/makeup done

- He sits by himself during the ceremony

- He awkwardly hangs out by himself during the cocktail hour while BM is in pictures (this of course depends on whether he knows anyone else there)

- Then to top it off, some brides have a head table without SOs, so the poor date again gets to sit by himself for the reception

What part of any of this is appealing? I don't get it. The only way this makes sense to me is if it's actually an SO of the BM, or if he happens to be friends with a lot of the other guests. Otherwise don't subject him to the above!

HisGirlFriday13 · December 2013

LizM61409 said: I don't really understand bridesmaids bringing plus ones. Let's recap how the day will go for the date:- He sits around in the hotel while BM is off getting hair/makeup done- He sits by himself during the ceremony- He awkwardly hangs out by himself during the cocktail hour while BM is in pictures (this of course depends on whether he knows anyone else there)- Then to top it off, some brides have a head table without SOs, so the poor date again gets to sit by himself for the reception
What part of any of this is appealing? I don't get it. The only way this makes sense to me is if it's actually an SO of the BM, or if he happens to be friends with a lot of the other guests. Otherwise don't subject him to the above! This is rude. Either you have a sweetheart table (B&G only), or you have a head table with B&G, BM, GM, and their dates. To do less than this is rude.

MGP · December 2013

Pretty much everyone on this board agrees that anyone with a significant other - defined by them, not the host - needs to be invited together. No splitting of couples. So let's move on from that.

Truly single guests are essentially bringing an "insignificant other" for lack of a better term (forgive me I had a long day working and dealing with my 2 year old). I can completely understand why some hosts see accommodating this as a hassle and a financial burden. Could a +1 turn into the greatest love story ever told? Of course. But the majority of them don't and you end up paying for "dude friend's random booty call girl" or "shy sorority sister's mother who she asked to bring". It's just the risk you take extending a +1. It's certainly nice but not required.

huskypuppy14 · December 2013

xmobergx said:

I honestly don't understand some of the posters on this site. They go nuts about proper etiquette and Emily Post, and no cash bars, and considering guest's needs and making them comfortable- yet they totally contradict that by saying it's fine to not plus one people.
I have 3 single guests- how completely awkward would it be for the 3 of them to sit alone among 30 couples?! That would be terribly rude and I would never put them in that situation.

No one is contradicting anything, because there is no etiquette rule that requires truly single people a plus one at a wedding. Now if you only have 3 single people, it would be very nice, and most people on this side would probably recommend giving a plus one to those guests, but it's not rude if you don't.

For the record, I am giving plus ones to all my single guests, but it's less than 10 extra people, so not a big deal. If you have a lot of single guests, you could substantially increase your guest list.

LizM61409 · December 2013

HisGirlFriday13 said:

LizM61409 said:

I don't really understand bridesmaids bringing plus ones. Let's recap how the day will go for the date:
- He sits around in the hotel while BM is off getting hair/makeup done
- He sits by himself during the ceremony
- He awkwardly hangs out by himself during the cocktail hour while BM is in pictures (this of course depends on whether he knows anyone else there)
- Then to top it off, some brides have a head table without SOs, so the poor date again gets to sit by himself for the reception

What part of any of this is appealing? I don't get it. The only way this makes sense to me is if it's actually an SO of the BM, or if he happens to be friends with a lot of the other guests. Otherwise don't subject him to the above!

This is rude. Either you have a sweetheart table (B&G only), or you have a head table with B&G, BM, GM, and their dates. To do less than this is rude. I absolutely agree that it's rude and I'm not doing it. But I've heard of it happening and if it does, that's all the more reason you would never want to be a plus one of a bridal party member

Amyzen83 · December 2013

AddieL73 makes a good point, are you only allowing some of your non-bp single guests a plus one but not the others? I know you don't have to give all of your guests a plus one but only allowing your "closest" single guests plus ones isn't fair and shows favoritism. I get that there are always guests you have closer relationships and some guests you probably only kind of know but invited because they were obligated to invite, however you putting hierarchy in your guest list isn't very nice. Perhaps a better solution would be to allow only your single guests who most likely will not know anybody other than you and the groom a plus one, but other than that just give the bridal party and people in relationships plus ones.

kgd7357 · December 2013

I'm giving the bridal party the option of a plus one for the 4/10 of them that are not in relationships because they are paying for a hotel room an extra night, and it's nice to let them share it with a person of their choice. Of the 4, I'm guessing the 2 girls will bring dates and the 2 guys will not. But that is up to them. One of the girls (my MOH) might bring her mom. The other one is probably bringing a guy that she is friends with that lives near me (i.e., doesn't have to sit in a hotel all day). They will be seated with their dates. The two guys would probably rather get drunk and hit on my college age cousins. We have 20 other solo guests (mostly 18-25 y/o cousins and college friends), and if all of them bring someone that would really add up. For them it's no big deal b/c they know people.

You are totally not required to give your bridal party plus ones if they are single, and if they think it is too awkward, they wont bring one. It's just nice to have the option b/c your bridal party is special. My point is that the BP is really the only line you should draw between guests that do and don't get non-SO plus ones. There are three options:

1) Everyone gets plus ones - nice but not always affordable
2) Bridal Party gets plus ones - nice gesture to your BP
3) No non-SO plus ones - most cost effective.

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