My partner insisted on having a wedding party so his two brothers could be his best men, so I chose two bridesmaids: my best friend A and my sister. I intentionally picked two people because I have a lot of friends and I feel like having even sides is a built-in excuse for not asking more people. Honestly, I couldn't care less about actually having even sides; I just don't want to deal with, "But why didn't you ask so-and-so?"
The issue now is that I really want to ask my friend S to be a bridesmaid. She and I are in grad school together and rely on each other a lot to get through daily life as grad students. She and I are about as close as A and I are; my partner likes both A and S a lot (he frequently (unprompted) comments that they're his two favorite friends of mine, and he gets along great with them). Basically, A and S are both incredibly important people in my life, and it feels weird having A be a bridesmaid and S just be another guest at the wedding. I would like to ask S to be a bridesmaid.
There are two reasons I'm hesitating:
1) I already asked A and my sister; S is aware that A and my sister are my bridesmaids. I don't want her to feel like an after-thought. I'm planning on phrasing it like, "You're such an important person in my life that it feels really wrong to have you at our wedding as just another guest. Both J and I would be honored if you would be in our wedding party and stand up with us." If you were S, how might you feel? I want to emphasize that S would not be replacing my sister or A, but I know that just because my intentions are "YAY FRIENDSHIP," it doesn't mean she wouldn't still be hurt.
2) The MAJOR reason I wanted to keep the sides even is that I have a childhood friend C, and I'm worried that she's feeling left out. She and I were best friends from early elementary school throughout college before growing apart. We still care about each other a lot, but we're not very involved in each other's lives anymore. The bottom line is that, although as kids we were all, "Of COURSE you'll be my maid of honor!" these days I don't feel that way. I am not going to ask her to be a bridesmaid. But without the EVEN SIDES excuse, I'm very worried that she will be very upset.
There's a very real chance that by not asking C to be a bridesmaid, I might be ending our friendship. I care about our friendship still, but I feel very strongly about who I choose to stand up with me during the ceremony. I don't want to be bullied (either by my own guilt, or by C's overprotective mother who has actually shown up at my house before to scream at me when I've hurt C's feelings) into asking her to be a bridesmaid. By asking S to be a bridesmaid, I'm running that risk pretty strongly.
So, I guess I'm just looking to pick your brains and see what you ladies think.
tl;dr:
1) I have already asked A and my sister to be bridesmaids
2) I want to ask my friend S to be a bridesmaid
3) I am worried that my childhood friend C will be upset that she is not a bridesmaid
4) Keeping our sides even was a way to "explain" why I didn't ask C; if I ask S, the sides won't be even
For the record:
My partner and I feel very strongly that people in the wedding party are guests of honor who are important to us and our relationship. We are declining all offers of a bridal shower, and if people do want to throw bachelor/ette parties, we're going to request a low-key joint party. We will not be requiring any particular attire (although A and my sister pretty much twisted my arm until I gave guidelines). We're going to ask my sister and one of my partner's brothers do a reading during the ceremony, and the other brother and A will be asked to give a toast during the reception. If S is another bridesmaid, we'll either ask her to do a reading, carry the rings, or anything else she'd like to do.
now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
