Little Kids at Weddings

nychick10112014 · December 2013

Hi Ladies,

Hoping you can help with an issue I am having. We will have a few little ones at the wedding (they are in the wedding party). How do I suggest that I would like the little ones gone by the reception (it will be past their bedtime). I was going to suggest some baby sitters but I do know they have their own as well. I am not sure if they are staying at the hotel yet (which is about 15 minutes away from our venue).

Its a sticky situation...

Maggie0829 · December 2013

You can't because it is rude. Also, how do you know that it is past their bedtime? Are you their parent?

Anyone invited to the wedding, especially the ones in the wedding, should be invited to the reception. This goes for kids too.

Let the parents of the children decide what is best for their own kids.

Also, by you not wanting them at the reception makes it seem like the you are only using these kids as cute props for your ceremony rather then really wanting them at your wedding.

NYCBruin · December 2013

Jenna0419 said:

Hi Ladies,

Hoping you can help with an issue I am having. We will have a few little ones at the wedding (they are in the wedding party). How do I suggest that I would like the little ones gone by the reception (it will be past their bedtime). I was going to suggest some baby sitters but I do know they have their own as well. I am not sure if they are staying at the hotel yet (which is about 15 minutes away from our venue).

Its a sticky situation...

You don't. You either want these children involved in your wedding or you don't. If you want them there, they need to be invited and welcome at the ENTIRE event and not just a portion of it. They are guests just like anyone else, their young ages do not exempt them from the rules of etiquette saying it's rude to invite someone to only part of an event (the ceremony and not the reception).

southernbelle0915 · December 2013

You're struggling with this because it's rude.

You can't tactfully ask them to be part of the WP and then leave for the party. I would suggest either not asking them to be part of the WP (problem solved) or, if that ship has sailed, invite them to the reception and hope their parents decide not to bring them. That's all you really can do.

Jen4948 · December 2013

There isn't any polite way to ask kids to be in the wedding party but not to attend the reception. If you really don't want them at the reception, don't ask them to be in your wedding party.

nychick10112014 · December 2013

They were asked because they are my fiances nieces and nephews. After years of being together, I do know they bedtime because we have been told they have strict bedtimes (they are all going to be under the age of 5). Also, I was asked by one of the mothers "If this would be a kid friendly wedding" I said "No and they will be the youngest by far." She then asked me what time the ceremony was and I told her it was 6 pm. She goes "That is cutting into their bedtime." (so yes...I know their bedtime) I said okay i don't know what you want me to do and she asked if I could change the time of my wedding.......i said no. She then told me that they will have to leave early at 8 since its their bedtime.

I told my FH this and he was really hurt because these kids mean a lot to him and he doesnt want this siblings to leave. How do we broach this topic with the siblings?

Jen4948 · December 2013

You don't have to do anything. Either your FI's siblings leave their kids at home with a babysitter or they (the siblings, that is) don't come themselves. You are not required to provide babysitting, but it's up to this mother to deal with it on her own-not put the onus of her kids' bedtime on you. In fact, it was rude of her to expect you to change the time of your wedding for her convenience.

pinkcow13 · December 2013

Are they traveling far for your wedding, or will they be local? Can you suggest that maybe they inquire to see if they can get a sitter, then? It sounds as if it is the parents that have an issue with the kids bedtime. It sucks, but I don't think there is much that you can do. Our wedding will not be kid friendly, the only kids we will have are the ones in the WP (Flower girl and boy). They are the only kids that will be invited to the wedding and reception, but I am going to leave it up to the parents to decide if they want their kids to stay for the reception, or if they will arrange for some sort of sitter. For example, I'm sure my cousin would arrange for his daughter [my flower girl] to be cared for by his wife's mom [who is not invited to the wedding as I don't really know her] if they decide they don't want her at an adult wedding.

Maggie0829 · December 2013

Jenna0419 said:

They were asked because they are my fiances nieces and nephews. After years of being together, I do know they bedtime because we have been told they have strict bedtimes (they are all going to be under the age of 5). Also, I was asked by one of the mothers "If this would be a kid friendly wedding" I said "No and they will be the youngest by far." She then asked me what time the ceremony was and I told her it was 6 pm. She goes "That is cutting into their bedtime." (so yes...I know their bedtime) I said okay i don't know what you want me to do and she asked if I could change the time of my wedding.......i said no. She then told me that they will have to leave early at 8 since its their bedtime.

I told my FH this and he was really hurt because these kids mean a lot to him and he doesnt want this siblings to leave. How do we broach this topic with the siblings?

You don't broach this topic. The parents decide when their kids go to bed. If they don't want to budge on the bedtime and decide to leave early then they are certainly allowed to do that.

I am surprised since they seem so set on the bedtimes that they even allowed to the kids to be in the wedding.

Either way, you and your FI have no say in this.

And I don't have kids but 6pm seems mighty early for a kid to go to bed. I mean what the hell time do they eat dinner? 3pm?

southernbelle0915 · December 2013

Jenna0419 said:

They were asked because they are my fiances nieces and nephews. After years of being together, I do know they bedtime because we have been told they have strict bedtimes (they are all going to be under the age of 5). Also, I was asked by one of the mothers "If this would be a kid friendly wedding" I said "No and they will be the youngest by far." She then asked me what time the ceremony was and I told her it was 6 pm. She goes "That is cutting into their bedtime." (so yes...I know their bedtime) I said okay i don't know what you want me to do and she asked if I could change the time of my wedding.......i said no. She then told me that they will have to leave early at 8 since its their bedtime.

I told my FH this and he was really hurt because these kids mean a lot to him and he doesnt want this siblings to leave. How do we broach this topic with the siblings?

Actually I think you can address this since the mom already opened the door by informing you of the kids' bedtime and her concern about the start time. I think your FI (not you - it's his family) can say something like:

"Hi FSIL - I was thinking about our conversation about the wedding start time and your concern about the kids' bed time. I wanted to let you know that we'd love to have the kids at the reception, but completely understand if you think it's too late for them. I know a reputable sitter if you decide you and FBIL still want to attend the reception and drop the kids at home."

I would NOT even give the slightest hint that you don't want the kids there. I would phrase it like you're following up with a solution to a concern that she previously expressed.

nychick10112014 · December 2013

southernbelle0915. That is perfect! im putting him on this topic...i got enough on my plate!

Jtsma10 · December 2013

Jenna,

I've been dealing with the same issue. Our son will be 4 when we get married and my FI and I have been debating on having him there with us. It's not that we don't love him or that we don't want him to there or think he should be used as a prop, but it's a formal reception with $17 per plate for children ($50 for adults). I also know the pressure it causes on us, my parents and my FI parents to watch the children (including the other grandchildren that might possibly be there). I would like them to enjoy company with out of town guests and not have to babysit their grandchildren once again while mommy and daddy have their first dance as husband and wife.

We have been looking into renting a babysitter for the night and keeping them at our ceremony/ reception site (since it will be at a hotel). Please don't feel obligated to invite the children, that's the parents responisbilty. I know if the roles were reversed I would make the choice to attending or finding a babysitter for my son. I think you have a big say in this, this is your day to celebrate your marriage, not a kid's birthday party. But again, this is my opinion, good luck!

RebeccaB88 · December 2013

It's up to the parents to decide when their kids go to bed. If they still want them in bed at that time on the night of the wedding, it's up to them to figure out how to make that happen. I'm not sure I'd offer a sitter, as the parents will probably have one they trust if they use sitters, and it can come across as you're asking them to make the kids leave (even if you aren't saying that at all).

RebeccaB88 · December 2013

Double post

Little Kids at Weddings

Re: Little Kids at Weddings

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