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Guest List Question

hlvonbhlvonb member
500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

So, long story short, I had a relatively big argument with a friend. About 2 days later she sent a text saying to save myself a stamp and to not bother sending her an invitation.

Well, while talking with my parents, I asked them if I should send her one anyway. They said no and that its a waste of time sending her one and that since she said not to, then we're "off the hook" so to say.

I know if you send someone a save the date, then you're supposed to send them an invitation but she has NOT been sent a save the date.

Is there an etiquette rule about this?

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Re: Guest List Question

  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    The general rule is that anyone who is verbally invited -- as long as it's by someone who has the authority to issue invitations (i.e., you, your FI, your parents if they're hosting, etc.) OR who receives a STDate MUST be issued an invitation.

    However, your friend has told you not to invite you, which is a rejection of a proffered invitation, so you are exempt from inviting her.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Since your friend wants you not to invite her, I think that even if she received an STD, you don't need to send her an invitation.
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  • hlvonbhlvonb member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers

    @HisGirlFriday13

    @Jen4948

    Thanks! I wasn't sure.

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  • hlvonbhlvonb member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers

    @alisonmarie658

    I wasn't planning on adding anyone in her place but that's something to keep in mind in case things do get patched up

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  • SenecafSenecaf member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    Do you want to be her friend ever again? Was she special to you before? Depending on those answers I would probably invite her.

    Two reasons: you could patch things up and then be happy she was there. (Or you could always verbaly invite her if that happened I suppose unless that is frowned upon. Not sure)
    And for the petty reasons you were the "bigger person"
    That could also just make her think you are annoying fuck. So maybe not.
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  • hlvonbhlvonb member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited December 2013
    Senecaf said:
    Do you want to be her friend ever again? Was she special to you before? Depending on those answers I would probably invite her. Two reasons: you could patch things up and then be happy she was there. (Or you could always verbaly invite her if that happened I suppose unless that is frowned upon. Not sure) And for the petty reasons you were the "bigger person" That could also just make her think you are annoying fuck. So maybe not.

    @Senecaf

    I would like to be friends again (if it happened) but we weren't that close to begin with. We live 20 minutes apart and hang out 1 time every 3 months. We used to be a lot closer but she and I have drifted apart in terms of closeness when she decided to stay with her husband after he hit her and locked her out of the house in the middle of winter (this was last year)

    Edit: Spelling

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  • orwhatuwillorwhatuwill member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    If this happened to me, I would still send an invite.

    1) To me, it is not just the proper thing to do as etiquette dictates, it is a clear extension of an olive branch.
    2) It puts the ball in her court with regards the future of your friendship. 

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  • indianaalumindianaalum member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I would probably not send one if you think the friendship is truly finished and not just a "spat"

    Keep in mind, if you send one and she suddenly responds "yes", will you believe it is a "yes" or do you believe it is someone who plans on "no showing" just to be a jerk..please keep that in mind
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