Moms and Maids

MOB Difficult

My mother is being very critical of my details of our wedding. She is criticizing everything. It bums me out that she is acting like, has anyone been in this situation and how did you deal with it? 

Re: MOB Difficult

  • Paid for it myself and left her out of the planning until she was ready to be supportive. Worked out well. And I lived with her.
  • We are paying for it and she is still critical. 
  • Don't share wedding details with her. If she asks just bean dip the conversation.

    MOB: Those linens you picked are all wrong. You need to go with the sherbert colored ones.
    Laura: Yeah thanks FI and I will look into it. Have you tried this bean dip?
    MOB: You need to change those linens, and the flowers while you're at it.
    Laura: Is this dill? I can't quite put my finger on it. What do you think it is?
    Laura: Okay, this mystery needs to be solved! I'm going to find out who made this dip, excuse me!

    She's not paying for the wedding so there's no need for her critical opinions.
  • I'm on my 4th go-around as a MOB.  I love so many of the "newer trends" that would have sent people into cardiac arrest  back when I was getting married.  You know, those things like uneven sides in the bridal party, having your girls in dresses that don't match, having mixed gendered sides for the bridal party.  Oh, the scandal!!

    Can  you give us a couple of examples of what she is criticizing?  One thing that helped my BFF when her DD got married (BFF was stuck back in the old days where everything had to match, even sides, etc).  I suggested to her DD that she show her mom some googled pictures of things she was thinking of.  It helped my friend to see that things really were done differently now and that her DD wasn't off her rocker.  (There might have also been a chat between BFF's too!).

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I'm sorry you're going through that.  I expect both my own mother and my FMIL will act the same way.  My mother loves to shoot her mouth off and criticize and refuses to honor anyone's requests that she keep criticisms to herself.  My BF's mother acts similarly.

    If your mother isn't paying for anything, you're not required to do things the way she wants or to give her explanations or defenses of what you're doing.  I'd stop talking about your plans with her.
  • That's why I left my mom out. Because at first she criticized Every. Single. Thing. Dress, food, ceremony, decor, H's attire, how many friends I let her invite, everything. So I stopped telling her things. And I told her why. She had been planning my wedding since the ultrasound, and what I wanted was not her dream, and she acted as though I had thrown a baby into a vat of acid every time I told her we were doing something different. So I quit talking to her about it. After a few months of that, she quit, because she wanted to be involved. She figured out I wasn't doing things differently to hurt her, but because H and I were not her, we were us. That I wasn't a teenager who was just being contrary, that I actually wanted these unique things and was going to do them with or without her. She decided to be a part of it.

    So leave your mother out of it. If she comes around like mine did, great. If not, you stood your ground and showed her you are not going to be bullied.
  • @navyblue143 thanks for the advice. I hope that she comes around but I am not expecting it. 

    @kmmssg- some of the examples are where I get my dress, the venue, the date. We are getting in 2015 because we want a summer wedding and next summer is too close. She is like can you push up the date? 

    When you start thinking about your wedding I think for girls you envision your mom being your cheerleader not your enemy. 
  • My mom and I argued A LOTduring the wedding planning most basic advice - compromise, especially if she is paying for even a little bit of the wedding. Make a mental lists of those things you are absolutely unwilling to budge on, and those things you could give in to her requests.

    Show her pics as PP suggested (my mom didn't get how I didn't want any real flowers until I showed her pics of brooch bouquets for me and samples of the fabric/ribbon bouquets for my BM).

    My mom eventually came around.... But even at the RD she was wanting real flowers.
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