Do I have to invite this person??

sarals24 · December 2013

So, I'm getting married in four days. Yesterday, one of my FI's friend's called to see if he could bring a date. A little background...when we sent out the invites we asked if he was seeing anyone (because last we heard he had a long-distance GF) but he said no, they had broken up. So he's coming to town (his hometown) for Christmas anyway, and will know literally half the people at the wedding, including the entire groom's family and all the groomsmen.

So yesterday, he called to say that his ex-GF was coming to visit, they aren't back together, they are just "buddies" (WTF?) and he wants to bring her. Umm...it's four days away. We already gave the numbers to the caterer, etc, and more than that, he doesn't seem to realize what an inconvenience it is to just add people (he didn't even give us her name). Now my FI's friends are pressuring us to let him bring her, because it's "not fair" that they all have dates and he doesn't. (They are all married, most with children, while this guy is stuck in adolescence perpetually.)

What to do?

RebeccaB88 · December 2013

No go. You already turned in your numbers and can't add any more, plus they aren't in a relationship anymore. Honestly, they're either talking about getting back together or they're just still screwing each other. He said they aren't in a relationship, so they don't need to be treated as such. If he'd said upfront that they were back together, it might be a different story. But you still already turned in final numbers, so I say he waited too long and is SOL.

RebeccaB88 · December 2013

No go. You already turned in your numbers and can't add any more, plus they aren't in a relationship anymore. Honestly, they're either talking about getting back together or they're just still screwing each other. He said they aren't in a relationship, so they don't need to be treated as such. If he'd said upfront that they were back together, it might be a different story. But you still already turned in final numbers, so I say he waited too long and is SOL.

sarals24 · December 2013

That's my thought too. But now FI is afraid this guy will just skip the reception to go hang out with her, and that it will cause bad feelings among his group of friends. AGH, the annoying thing is that he even had the balls to ask. I would NEVER ask someone to add someone to their wedding FOUR DAYS before.

LizM61409 · December 2013

Just tell them (truthfully!) that it's too late to add anyone else due to catering numbers

AddieCake · December 2013

Hell no.

Rebl90 · December 2013

sarals24 said:

That's my thought too. But now FI is afraid this guy will just skip the reception to go hang out with her, and that it will cause bad feelings among his group of friends. AGH, the annoying thing is that he even had the balls to ask. I would NEVER ask someone to add someone to their wedding FOUR DAYS before.

If this is the case, then is this guy really that good of a friend? I would tell him that you can't accommodate another guest this late, but that you're so excited to have him join you that day. If he skips then that just reflects on him, and then your FI and his other friends can call him out on it.

I'm sorry you're dealing with stress! Time for a glass of wine or chocolate or something yummy and enjoy the rest of the week!

sarals24 · December 2013

That's true...I have met the guy once, but FI and him grew up together. We have had a relatively stress-free planning, and if this is the worst thing I'm dealing with then I guess I have it pretty good. I just can't imagine asking someone that. And this chick...I wouldn't want to go to a wedding that I wasn't invited to!

AddieCake · December 2013

Yeah, if he skips the the reception to hang out with her, oh, well. He's lame.

HisGirlFriday13 · December 2013

Definitely no. If he had before RSVP'ing, it would have been one thing to include her, but FOUR DAYS?! Hell no.

Also, if all the rest of your social circle is married, how do they not remember how frustrating added uninvited guests are?!

sarals24 · December 2013

Oh trust me, the wives do. The husbands are oblivious.

CLI242009 · December 2013

sarals24 said:

Oh trust me, the wives do. The husbands are oblivious.

This made me laugh so hard. Thanks!

I agree with PPs....hell. no. Unfortunately he probably doesn't realize that it isn't as easy as just making an extra space at a table.

RebeccaB88 - what you said about either talking about getting together or just screwing each other. I want to add, do you really want your wedding reception to be the place that they might air out their problems? I know it doesn't happen all the time but if they broke up before and with how emotions are high and running at weddings, this could potentially set either one of them off. I personally wouldn't want to risk this. Just a thought.

Jen4948 · December 2013

Tell him no, the boat has sailed. And if he skips the reception to hang out elsewhere with this girl, it seems that he won't be good company at the reception anyway-so good riddance.

sarals24 · December 2013

Yeah so...my FI caved. He's trying not to turn it into a whole thing with his group of friends, and really, we won't even notice her being there. I am not super happy about it, but his uncle and aunt called us this afternoon to tell us they can't make it because she slipped and fell on some ice and broke her wrist, so they aren't up to flying here after Christmas.

Trying not to make a whole thing of it, it's just...super annoying.

SP29 · December 2013

That is annoying.

If he had given you more notice, I might say yes, but four days out is too late. I would have simply said, "Sorry, our numbers are in to the venue and the final balance is paid, we can no longer add or subtract meals". (We have to pay our balance one week prior).

But I guess if it works out that you have 2 paid meals that will not be eaten, no harm in her coming along.

I do get very annoyed though at how blaise people are about RSVPing to weddings (or any similar event). Do people not understand that a head count is needed in order to order food, chairs, linens, etc. etc?? And these things must be paid for. People cannot simply just show up or ask for a late add in, and it's very rude to RSVP then no show (without a good reason) when every plate of food/ chair/ linen/ etc etc is paid for in advance. Ok, off my soapbox.

Amyzen83 · December 2013

Euch! I hate last minute or "maybe" guests! I understand stuff happens that are out of our control, but clearly this person knew about his date long before the RSVP deadline, so that's his bad. I would say if you don't have any extra tables/chairs etc. for late repliers, then just tell him because you have already locked in your head count, you simply cannot accommodate this extra guest. For our wedding we know that there are people who are last minute, so we are planning on having 6 extra chairs and settings, and if this is true for you, it would be gracious to let her come but you do not have to.

climbingsingle · December 2013

That would have really annoyed me too. I wonder if this girl even knows your FI's friend did this. Ay yi yi. I would embarrassed to attend the wedding if I knew.

sarals24 · December 2013

Guys! Fun update. They broke up again on Christmas. So it's back to just him. I just kind of want to pull my hair out at this point, but I think drinking is a better idea.

CLI242009 · December 2013

sarals24 said:

Guys! Fun update. They broke up again on Christmas. So it's back to just him. I just kind of want to pull my hair out at this point, but I think drinking is a better idea.

Wow...yeah I know this may sound harsh but personally if he was in my bridal party and kept doing this on again off again...I wouldn't be giving him a +1. Just too much hassle IMO.

Please don't pull your hair out!! *hands wine/alcohol* There ya go ^_^

lovesclimbing · December 2013

@sarals24 your wedding is on Saturday? I'm a bridesmaid at my sisters wedding this Saturday. Hope yours goes well!

MrsDeRuyter87 · December 2013

oh good lord I am so sorry you have to deal with someone so immature. He needs to GET HIS LIFE!

sarals24 · December 2013

He's not in the wedding party because my FI didn't think he was capable of renting a tu and getting to the church at the appointed time. Should tell you all you need to know!

@lovesclimbing Yep! This Saturday! Hope hers goes well too!

NYCBruin · December 2013

sarals24 said:

Guys! Fun update. They broke up again on Christmas. So it's back to just him. I just kind of want to pull my hair out at this point, but I think drinking is a better idea.

Good grief. I would still put her name on his escort card and sit him next to an empty chair.

What an asshole.

Jen4948 · December 2013

NYCBruin said:

sarals24 said:

Guys! Fun update. They broke up again on Christmas. So it's back to just him. I just kind of want to pull my hair out at this point, but I think drinking is a better idea.

Good grief. I would still put her name on his escort card and sit him next to an empty chair.

What an asshole.

I wouldn't. If their relationship is over then this will do nothing to help him realize that he wasn't invited with a plus-one and has no right to expect to bring one.

NYCBruin · December 2013

Jen4948 said:

NYCBruin said:

sarals24 said:

Guys! Fun update. They broke up again on Christmas. So it's back to just him. I just kind of want to pull my hair out at this point, but I think drinking is a better idea.

Good grief. I would still put her name on his escort card and sit him next to an empty chair.

What an asshole.

I wouldn't. If their relationship is over then this will do nothing to help him realize that he wasn't invited with a plus-one and has no right to expect to bring one.

I can't imagine him realizing how inappropriate his actions were in any case.

So I would enjoy any potential awkwardness that he may have to endure resulting from questions asked by other guests regarding the status/location of his date. But I'm mean like that

phira · December 2013

GOOD GRIEF. Sorry you've been dealing with this. You did everything right, too: you called to double-check before you sent the invitations, so you weren't just guessing they were still together or guessing they weren't. 4 days before the wedding and he changes his mind? And then AGAIN right after that? SUPER rude.

I wanted to add that my partner is very overly cautious about offending any of his family or friends, and it can get irritating. It's especially irritating because you can tell that the dynamic in his family and his friend groups are very strongly set. So I can get why your fiance did what he did and caved, because mine would too.

Jen4948 · December 2013

NYCBruin said:

Jen4948 said:

NYCBruin said:

sarals24 said:

Guys! Fun update. They broke up again on Christmas. So it's back to just him. I just kind of want to pull my hair out at this point, but I think drinking is a better idea.

Good grief. I would still put her name on his escort card and sit him next to an empty chair.

What an asshole.

I wouldn't. If their relationship is over then this will do nothing to help him realize that he wasn't invited with a plus-one and has no right to expect to bring one.

I can't imagine him realizing how inappropriate his actions were in any case.

So I would enjoy any potential awkwardness that he may have to endure resulting from questions asked by other guests regarding the status/location of his date. But I'm mean like that

Well, whether or not he ever came to realize it himself, it would be fitting if he had to hear that the invitation was for him only and not a date.

GrrArgh · December 2013

sarals24 said:

Guys! Fun update. They broke up again on Christmas. So it's back to just him. I just kind of want to pull my hair out at this point, but I think drinking is a better idea.

pull HIS hair out, would be so much more satisfying.

Amyzen83 · December 2013

Wow what a jerk! I'm in favor of sitting him next to an empty chair, and shaving his head in his sleep.

Do I have to invite this person??

Re: Do I have to invite this person??

Choose Another Board

Search Boards