Hey everyone!
I've been lurking for a while now, but never actually joined until I needed too (yay, my BF is now my FI! Still not used to that...)
So, what this post is all about, really, is me laying out a rough planning process, and hoping you ladies will correct any faux pas for me before I get round to making them.
First: Expect FI and I to pay for the whole wedding, to plan it all ourselves, and do all the physical work between the two of us. Any help offered by anyone else can be graciously accepted, but never expected.
Next: Decide which is most important to FI and myself; Guests, venue, or date. What if I fall in love with a gorgeous venue, but desperately want to get married on X date, and my venue is unavailable on that day? Or I know I'll be inviting at least 150 guests, and the venue only holds 80?
So on and so forth. Prioritising these three things will ensure all the bases are covered.
Decide on a budget, and stick to it. Immediately half that budget, and set that aside for the reception. Food/bar should be most of this half.
If budget is a struggle/needs to be raided due to unforeseen circumstances/et cetera, there are a myriad of ways to save the pennies, that do not involve breaches of etiquette.
Plenty of stuff is unnecessary - favours, chair covers, aisle runners, big fancy centrepieces, programmes, and so on.
If further cut-backs are required: a locked iPod with a pre made wedding playlist works as well as a band. Ceremony can be held at a different time of day to remove the need for "dinner" at the reception (snacks still required, and plenty of them, but a three-course meal is not expected at a wedding that starts at say, 8pm).
Pretty much any and every decoration can be cut. Or handmade if I desperately HAVE to have them. Save the dates are not really needed, except for maybe VIPs or out of town guests.
Ultimately: as long as the guests comfort is not compromised, it can be cut.
Wedding party should be chosen around the nine month mark, no earlier, as relationships can change like the wind, even "BFFs".
Everything I should ask my bridal party (and he his): Will you be a BM/MoH/GM/BMan/whatever (eg: groomswoman)? Are you available on (wedding date)? What is your budget for attire? What do you think of (dress)?
These are the only questions that I need to ask my party regarding my wedding, and each should be asked privately.
Best way to shop for dresses is "I would like (sea green) (chiffon) (knee length) dresses, let me know when you've found one you like".
Wedding party does not need even sides, and BMs do not need to match each other. Anything required by the bride, other than the dress, should be paid for by the bride (hair, makeup, shoes, jewellery, et cetera). WP gifts should be individually tailored to each person, and not a "prop" for the wedding.
Every guest brings their SO, as determined by themselves. Meaning, it's not for me to say who is or is not in a relationship. If at the six-eight week point, they can tell me they are in a relationship with X, then X is also invited.
Truly single guests do not have to be given a plus one, although a space should be reserved during initial planning in case they are in a relationship by the time the invites are sent. VIPs should be offered a plus one as a courtesy.
No one should need money at any time during the wedding. Full open bar, fine. Limited bar with just beer and wine (whatever), fine. No bar, fine. Soda, water, juices, should always be available.
Telling guests they can have free wine all night but must pay for spirits (for example) is a big nono. Telling guests the bar is free until X time, and must be paid for after that, also a big nono.
Tip jars, honeyfund jars, and so on, no matter how cute; no.
Gift requests (none at all, money only, registry info) should be spread by word of mouth only if asked, and certainly not included in invites.
Yes it's my day... It's also my FIs day. For about 20 minutes. Top priority is in fact those who have gone out of their way to celebrate with us... It's their day too, and their comfort should be first in line. There should be space, with a chair, for every single person invited, at ceremony/cocktail hour/reception venues.
Cocktail hour should be just that; an hour. No longer.
Nobody who is invited to the wedding is required to attend any pre-wedding event (shower, tea, and so on), including the WP, however, anyone invited to a pre-wedding event must also be invited to the actual wedding.
The only time it is ever acceptable to invite people to only a part of the day, is if the ceremony is a truly intimate family only affair, in which case friends/whoever can be invited to the reception only, although it is never acceptable to invite some to dinner at 6pm, then others to join for dancing at 8pm. The reception is one event, not split.
No one is guaranteed an invite to the wedding. Being family does not automatically "get you in". I am free to invite who I please. It's considerate to give the parents X amount of invites. Anyone who is paying gets a lot more say, depending on how much they are paying/what they are paying for. The only thing no one else can control, is who I ask to be in my side of the WP.
Children do not have to be invited (address invites to the adults only, never state who is not invited), and the same rule applies, it's okay to invite some children and not others.
Even at a "child free" wedding, Young/BF babies should be allowed as an exception.
I think that's about everything... Please (if you've made your way through all that, thanks and congrats :] ), correct me on anything I've got wrong/misunderstood.