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NWR: Having a bit of a Christmas Eve breakdown...

pumpkinsandturkeyspumpkinsandturkeys member
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in May 2014 Weddings
Just needed to share...

I was getting ready to go to bed and got an e-mail from my mum... And it had a photo of my dog, Mattie, whom we had to put down in November after almost 18 years. It was a photo they took the day we put her down, and she has a scarf around her neck and a red heart pinned to it that says, "Thank you for loving me so much", and she looks happy.

I broke down. This is the first time that I've cried since she's been gone and I don't know how to deal. Christmas was hands-down Mattie's favourite day of the year -- not because she got presents, but because she lived for opening gifts. She would get stuck in bags, throw tissue paper everywhere, dive across the room to 'help' someone unwrap their gift, and not give up until she tore off every last bit of paper and tape and left them in tiny pieces, scattered all over the room.

I don't know how to do this. I can't remember what Christmas was like before we had her. Up until now, I thought I was coping well (or at least compartmentalizing extremely well), but now I just can't stop crying. I'm so happy and thankful that she's not suffering anymore, but I miss her so much.


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Re: NWR: Having a bit of a Christmas Eve breakdown...

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    dlubertsdluberts member
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    I think that was a sweet thing of your mom to do even if it made your heart ache. This year was the first year i've had without my grampa, he passed in feb, and it made my heart ache too, he was my most favorite person in the world.  It's okay to be sad and it's ok to cry. Tears are just your love coming out in a funny way:) 
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    dlubertsdluberts member
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    By the way I miss my grampa terribly, today was his birthday. And even though I miss him I woouldn't ask for him to be back, because his body failed and was in pain, I would not want that foor him again. I'm sure you feel the same. So take comfort in that okay, you'll be ok sweetie
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    Kristen625Kristen625 member
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    Awe :( Sending lots of hugs and love your way. Mattie is definitely in a better place and she was a lucky dog to be in such a loving family.  She had a wonderful life it sounds like, and you provided that. :)  And in turn she gave you such wonderful joy and great memories.  Its okay to cry and feel sad and miss her.
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    ohxhiohxhi member
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    @dluberts - my grandpa's birthday was on Christmas day too.  the day doesn't go by without missing him, but in a way, i almost feel closest to him on Christmas because i know he's there with us in spirit.

    @pumpkinsandturkeys - you've been coping well this whole time, including the way you feel now.  it's totally normal for things to "sneak up" on you and tug on your heart strings.  it's what makes you human.  maybe there's something special you can do on christmas for Mattie each year?  my mom and i started making mini banana cream pies for my grandpa's birthday because they were his favorite. it's kind silly, i guess, but it makes us feel better.  we ate them yesterday and talked about him.  it was nice.

    time heals all - it will always be hard, but it won't always be this paralyzing.  we're here for you.  hugs and positive thoughts coming out your way.
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    dlubertsdluberts member
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    I also agreee with ohxhi..doing something to remember your loved ones is great. Every year I put a cardinal bird ornament on my xmas tree because my great grandmothers favorite bird was a cardinal. She's been gone for quite a while now, but I love putting up that tacky bird complete with feathers in my tree as a rememberence. She always had them throughout her house in the winter.
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    pumpkinsandturkeyspumpkinsandturkeys member
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    @dluberts -- my Grandpa's favourite bird was a cardinal, too, and every time we see one now, we think of him. They've since become my dad's favourite bird as a result, and I know that they'll always remind me of both of them.

    Thank you so much for your support, everyone! @Kristen625 , she did have a wonderful life, and it's definitely comforting remembering the good times. @ohxhi , it definitely did sneak up on me. I like your suggestion of doing something in memory of her. I'll have to come up with something.

    Thanks again, ladies! You guys rock :)


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