Bridesmaid Dresses

ElcaB · December 2013

I'm beginning to get a little frustrated with the selection of BM dresses. My MOH lives out of state and one BM is incredibly picky. We haven't gone to try on any dresses yet, but whenever I come across something I like I send it to them. So far, their feedback has been pretty negative. I'd never put them in something they hate, but I'm getting tired of hearing, "I want strapless," or "I don't like that shade of purple."

How did you girls go about selecting your BM dresses? I never thought this would as difficult as it's proving to be!

Teddy917 · December 2013

The best thing to do is pick a color, material, and length and let them find their own.

karlipregler · December 2013

My girls were pretty easy with it. I threw out a few ideas and let them try on each dress. They let me know which ones didn't work for them, and we all came to a mutual agreement on which one we liked the most. In your situation it might just be better to pick a color and let them find their own dress.

cruffino · December 2013

My sister (moh) picked the color. I picked the length. Each of the gals picked their own dress. Other than being long I didn't care what they chose. I wanted them to be comfortable.

Between the three of them they agreed to wear the same color and fabric (black chiffon), but the silhouettes are different.

It was a fun experience and I took them out to dinner afterwards.

Senecaf · December 2013

Good luck! I'm afraid I will have this problem too. I tried to tell my friends to pick their own dresses but they protested and want me to do it. They are all so different I don't see the point.

misssunshine17 · December 2013

Teddy917 said:

The best thing to do is pick a color, material, and length and let them find their own.

Seriously, this. It was the best wedding decision I made. I said navy and knee length and they picked their own. One scored her Gap dress at a discount store for $7 and the other paid almost $200, but they both looked gorgeous and were happy with their choices. No guilt for me about price or style, since it was their choice.

JCbride2015 · December 2013

On that note, did anybody do anything to make the MOH look different? My sister asked me at Christmas if she can have a different color or sash or something to differentiate her. I'm not opposed to doing this, just hadn't considered it. I was thinking maybe she could have a bigger/different bouquet. We haven't chosen BM dresses yet (and won't for almost a year).

HisGirlFriday13 · December 2013

My MOH and two BMs lived far away from each other, and I have always detested group shopping trips, so I never had any intention of doing one of those.

I found a general style I liked online at Target (I know that in another thread, I posted a photo for you), and sent it to them with the comments, "I'm thinking of a dress kind of like this -- cocktail length, not strapless, etc. -- and in a coppery-pink colour, what do you all think?"

Unanimously (because they each sent me a private message about it), they said, "I actually really like that specific dress, but I like it in purple."

Soooo...we went with purple. Which is not one of my favourite colours, but whatever -- they all loved it, and it worked, so that's what we went with.

I think that you have to take general concerns -- straps or strapless, length, slits, etc. - into consideration with your BMs (I had a bride once pick a strapless dress with a deep front V and a nearly hip-high slit that I was NOT comfortable wearing from a modesty standpoint), but other than that, they can suck it up.

I have worn pastel blue, pastel pink, pastel green, pastel yellow, and pea-soup green as BM dresses. None of those are in my colour wheel -- like, at all. But they have met my (fairly relaxed) modesty standards, so I have bought them (never once was I asked for a budget), and I have worn them, and then I have promptly donated them to the Cinderella Project.

I think you're within your rights to say, "I get that you don't like this shade of purple, but it works for the other BMs and it works with our wedding colours, so please just buy the dress."

pumpkinsandturkeys · December 2013

Totally agree with @HisGirlFriday13 . It's definitely important to be considerate of your BMs feelings about the dress, particularly if they have legitimate concerns about the style, etc. However, at the end of the day, you are the bride and it's your wedding. I once had to wear a yellow and Granny Smith apple green dress for my best friend's wedding -- I hated it, it cost way too much money, the fit was awful... But that was what she really wanted, and I knew that it could have been a lot worse. Being a BM is completely optional, and it's important that both sides consider each other's feelings and opinions and reach a happy medium.

FutureMrsN3312 · December 2013

I was willing to let them pick their own dresses because everyone has different body shapes and personal styles. They let me know they would rather I pick out the dress. I took my MOH (the body shape of the few other girls) and my cousin (the body shape of the other girls) and we went shopping.

After the first stop we pretty much knew we found it. We went to the other dress store because it's where I got my dress. My dress was in and they wanted to see it. They browsed the BM dresses and saw nothing they liked.

I emailed the other girls with my choice and ordering information. I didn't hear any complaints. Everyone ordered on time. I guess I was just fortunate.

silver0319 · December 2013

My sister and I went shopping together one day. She tried on short, long, satin, chiffon, you name it, until we found something we could both agree on. Once she picked a dress she liked, I was able to come up with several choices for my other BMs. I gave them the designer, color, and length. They actually ended up choosing the same gown, but they all had the option to choose something different. Edited for spelling

ElcaB · December 2013

Reading these has made me feel much better! I'm hesitant to pick a shade and say, "Go with it," because I'm afraid it'll look ridiculous. I don't hate mismatched dresses; I just don't think it always works.

Another reason I think mismatched dresses are a bad idea is my BM, "Jane," (the picky one. Jane has recently gone from a size 18 to a size six. Understandably, she's excited to wear clothes that show off her rockin' new bod (read: short and strapless). Short and strapless doesn't fit my vision at all, not to mention it's a late October wedding in Ohio and we're having an outdoor ceremony (weather pending).

Personally, when I'm a BM I'm always happy to share my opinions with the bride when shopping for dresses, but in the end I'll wear whatever she wants, provided it doesn't make me look like a stripper.

misssunshine17 · December 2013

I'm sure you have, but have you talked budget?

In any case, I would step away from DB and AA. I feel like those dresses are such a waste of (ie- never to be worn again) and there are very few I personally like. Could you go online and try ModCloth or ShabbyApple? That way they could match, not a ton of strapless options and they are wearable again.

ElcaB · December 2013

@Missunshine17, we have talked about budget and the cap is $100. I feel the same way you do about DB and have spent lots of time looking at unconventional stores, like the ones you mentioned, department stores, and the like. Those are the stores that carry dresses I've been sending!

We're still 10 months out, so I know there's plenty of time, but it'd be nice to at least narrow it down some!

rajahmd · December 2013

I just told my ladies the following: knee length, white, and works with a sash. I didn't care what fabric or style- I wanted them to be comfy. I got them a pink sash to match my dress. On the big day, they all looked great and they actually looked cooridnated, even though none of them saw another's dress until the day off. Purely by accident, everyone but the MOH picked a lace dress, which looked really neat (I had originally just planned on distinguishing her with a sash with a flower vs plain sashes for the other ladies). The ladies got lots of compliments on how they looked that day and I couldn't be happier with how it all turned out.

Peaseblossom55 · December 2013

My 4 Bm all went dress shopping together I said I wanted the color to match and the length to be the same otherwise they could choose. They all chose the same dress and it took less than an hour. I actually really love the dress they chose!

misssunshine17 · December 2013

ElcaB said:

@Missunshine17, we have talked about budget and the cap is $100. I feel the same way you do about DB and have spent lots of time looking at unconventional stores, like the ones you mentioned, department stores, and the like. Those are the stores that carry dresses I've been sending!

We're still 10 months out, so I know there's plenty of time, but it'd be nice to at least narrow it down some!

Eeek. That sucks. Well, it sounds like you're doing everything right. Since you're going with an off-the-rack store, I'd wait until maybe April, then give three options and say pick one and that's that. You've given the college try to make it as painless as possible.

Out of curiosity, what dresses? Links?

kgd7357 · December 2013

I did a lot of emailing back and forth with each girl about dresses they like. Strangely they all agreed that they thought matching dresses were the way to go. I gave the option of navy or pink, everyone except one wanted navy. I have two very busty BM and one that hates anything tight (although she has a great body). Some liked strapless, some didn't. All wanted short since the wedding is in June and will be hot. A few of the girls emailed me certain dresses they liked and I got a general idea.

In the end I ordered two returnable dresses that seemed to be a happy medium and picked one b/c it was a little looser on the bottom, had sort of a faux strapless look with sheer straps (the busty girls thanked me), and it looked really good with a pink ribbon as a sash. Three of five girls LOVED it, and it's the kind of thing they would have bought. One girl wanted a sexier dress and will probably not wear this again b/c it's too girly. And the other likes it fine and may or may not use it again. Hey, you can't please everyone.

Also, none of my BMs lived in the same town, so I only looked at places that you could order online and return. Nordstroms has a great return policy. I ended up with a dress from Anthropology Bridal.

JCbride2015 · December 2013

misssunshine17 said:

I'm sure you have, but have you talked budget?

In any case, I would step away from DB and AA. I feel like those dresses are such a waste of (ie- never to be worn again) and there are very few I personally like. Could you go online and try ModCloth or ShabbyApple? That way they could match, not a ton of strapless options and they are wearable again.

@misssunshine17, does AA mean Alfred Angelo? I've been really loving the style of some of their wedding dresses in magazines and online, but I haven't tried anything on yet. Is the quality really bad? I'm asking about the bride, not BMs, but I guess if their BM dresses are shitty I'd want to know that too.

misssunshine17 · December 2013

JCBride2014 said:

misssunshine17 said:

I'm sure you have, but have you talked budget?

In any case, I would step away from DB and AA. I feel like those dresses are such a waste of (ie- never to be worn again) and there are very few I personally like. Could you go online and try ModCloth or ShabbyApple? That way they could match, not a ton of strapless options and they are wearable again.

@misssunshine17, does AA mean Alfred Angelo? I've been really loving the style of some of their wedding dresses in magazines and online, but I haven't tried anything on yet. Is the quality really bad? I'm asking about the bride, not BMs, but I guess if their BM dresses are shitty I'd want to know that too.

@JCBride2014 I don't know anything of their quality. I was referencing BM dresses. I personally hate everything that comes from a bridal shop. Completely jacked up in price and unwearable after the wedding.

pumpkinsandturkeys · December 2013

JCBride2014 said:

misssunshine17 said:

I'm sure you have, but have you talked budget?

In any case, I would step away from DB and AA. I feel like those dresses are such a waste of (ie- never to be worn again) and there are very few I personally like. Could you go online and try ModCloth or ShabbyApple? That way they could match, not a ton of strapless options and they are wearable again.

@misssunshine17, does AA mean Alfred Angelo? I've been really loving the style of some of their wedding dresses in magazines and online, but I haven't tried anything on yet. Is the quality really bad? I'm asking about the bride, not BMs, but I guess if their BM dresses are shitty I'd want to know that too.

I also can't speak to their bridal gown quality, but their BM dresses are not worth what you pay for them, and are very ill-fitting, even after extensive alterations. If you do go that route, make sure you see that fabric in-person -- and not just a swatch. I wore one once that was 'satin' with an organza overlay on the skirt -- it creased and wrinkled so badly that by the time we got to photos, we all looked like we had rolled around in bed (it was AA BM style 7014). We also found that they were poorly manufactured -- the overlay was completely uneven at the hem, with a difference of 2 inches in length in some places.

JCbride2015 · December 2013

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

JCBride2014 said:

misssunshine17 said:

I'm sure you have, but have you talked budget?

In any case, I would step away from DB and AA. I feel like those dresses are such a waste of (ie- never to be worn again) and there are very few I personally like. Could you go online and try ModCloth or ShabbyApple? That way they could match, not a ton of strapless options and they are wearable again.

@misssunshine17, does AA mean Alfred Angelo? I've been really loving the style of some of their wedding dresses in magazines and online, but I haven't tried anything on yet. Is the quality really bad? I'm asking about the bride, not BMs, but I guess if their BM dresses are shitty I'd want to know that too.

I also can't speak to their bridal gown quality, but their BM dresses are not worth what you pay for them, and are very ill-fitting, even after extensive alterations. If you do go that route, make sure you see that fabric in-person -- and not just a swatch. I wore one once that was 'satin' with an organza overlay on the skirt -- it creased and wrinkled so badly that by the time we got to photos, we all looked like we had rolled around in bed (it was AA BM style 7014). We also found that they were poorly manufactured -- the overlay was completely uneven at the hem, with a difference of 2 inches in length in some places.

Thanks everyone for the feedback! What a bummer, as I was starting to get really hopeful about their styles I'd seen online.

melbelleup · December 2013

I already had an idea of what I wanted. I didn't like anything in person that I did online, so don't be too worried until you actually go and look. I wanted purple- viola so that was a set deal. I also wanted long as my wedding is formal and I just don't like the look of shoes and it also eliminates shoe coloring mattering. Basically, my BMs just hunted for dresses they liked and I liked, within budget and tried them all on until we found one we all liked and in our budget. We did the same for my FSIL's BM dress hunt. Everyone just found dresses we liked and tried em on.

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