Bridal party for Destination Wedding

Re: Bridal party for Destination Wedding

• aerinpegadrak member

  

  September 2012 edited September 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridal-party-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ed4900d5-b677-4759-842b-d6222600fb2aPost:d0868a22-3367-4686-a027-7de8ebeb67df">Bridal party for Destination Wedding</a>:
  [QUOTE]I am having second thoughts about my bridal party for my wedding in Jamaica. At first, we were not going to have one. However, the more we started talking we realized how important it is for us to have those special people stand up with us. Here's my dilemma(s): 1. I don't want anyone to feel pressured to go. It's a lot of money to spend, and I know there are a few that I would like to ask to be bridesmaids that more than likely will not be able to go. 2. We as well are spending a lot to go- is it best etiquette that we pay for attire for the wedding party if we ask them to be in? 3. How do you choose?!?! I hate to hurt anyone's feelings, but I can't have 10 bridesmaids at my wedding. Thanks :-)
  Posted by anntimmerman[/QUOTE]
  Are you going to be inviting them anyway?  If they're paying to make the trip as guests, they're already committing to the most expensive part, the hotel and airfare.  My DW was in Vegas, so not quite as big a financial commitment for most of the guests, but we still tried to mitigate their costs the best we could: I told the girls to wear any black dress, they were free to choose shoes and accessories, I paid for the stylist, and we hosted a total of four meals throughout the weekend.  We're not wealthy by any means, but we cut a lot of corners and saved aggressively to make sure our friends were well cared for, so while they had to pay for hotel and airfare/gas to get there, there wasn't much beyond that.<div>
  </div><div>What I would do is decide who you want up there with you, regardless of numbers, then sit them down or call them up (individually) and explain that you're getting married in Jamaica and if they're able to make the trip, you'd love to have them as bridesmaids, but if they're not able to make the trip, you totally understand.  While I don't think you're necessarily obligated to pay for the attire outright, I think you are obligated to defray that cost however possible, whether it's by picking up part or all of the tab, or by keeping the requirements very loose and allowing them to work within their own budgets/closets.</div>

  This is a neglected planning bio.
  This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.
  
  
  Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284

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• KateH2013

  

  September 2012

  My FI and I are planning a DW as well and we asked friends we did to be in our WP because they mean so much to us. No matter where we'd get married, they're the people we want to stand with us. We explained that we know it's a lot to ask for them to travel so far (HI) so to take time and think it over, but not to feel any pressure to say yes. We're paying for the WP attire to help alleviate some of the cost. If our budget allows for it, too, I'd love to pitch in to their accommodations fees as well. Time will tell.

  
  

  Don't feel pressured to choose many people. The way I chose my WP was by who I care about most (who I go to when in doubt, down, etc.) - it sounds harsh, I'm sure. These people are also the ones I would drop everything for and be there for them no matter what the issue or what time it is. I'd be lost without these girls :-)

  

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• CarolT4eva member

  

  January 2014

  KateH2013 your post was very helpful.. How did you ask? I was thinking of drafting up and email with all of the details but I wasn't sure if that seemed cold? I just want to make sure my friends have the details and can think it over without pressure.

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• kgd7357 member

  

  January 2014

  I wrote letters to each BM to ask. Some of them were redundant like my MOH b/c their was no doubt about that. However, one BM is getting married 2 weeks after me, so I really didn't want her to feel pressured to say yes over the phone. I figured by writing the letter, it gave her time to think about it, and call me back with her answer. I wrote a line in saying that I totally understand if it would be too much with her special day coming up (which I wouldn't miss for the world), but I would be honored if she would stand by my side. You can write something similar regarding the fact that you totally undestand if the travel and expense is too much, but it would mean so much to you if they could be there. Then they can take a look at the budget and see if they can make it work. Then call with the answer. I guess email could work too. I just love me some snail mail.

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• zitiqueen member

  

  January 2014

  CarolT4eva said:

  KateH2013 your post was very helpful.. How did you ask? I was thinking of drafting up and email with all of the details but I wasn't sure if that seemed cold? I just want to make sure my friends have the details and can think it over without pressure.

  How many pages back did you have to go to resurrect this zombie thread from September 2012?
  

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