Honoring grandmother with Alzheimer's who is not deceased?

Re: Honoring grandmother with Alzheimer's who is not deceased?

• wrigleyville member

  

  January 2014 edited January 2014

  Yes, definitely. I think it's sweet you want to honor her, and I'm really very sorry she's so ill, but it's a bit weird to mourn someone who is still alive.

  
  

  Why don't you put up the framed pictures of your FI's mother and your great-grandmother and then give your Nana a nice corsage to wear, similar to the ones the MOB and MOG wear? My MOH did this when she got married, as her grandmother had end-stage cancer. She also made sure they had a ton of formal pictures taken with her.

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• kmmssg mod

  

  January 2014

   Do you have a small picture of the 3 of them you could attach to your bouquet?

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• cruffino member

  

  January 2014

  I struggled with how to honor those that passed or can't be there and my FI and the ladies on this board reminded me not to make a happy occasion too morbid or sad. So in our ceremony, we'll do a brief statement about "remembering our loved ones who aren't with us today" and leaving it at that.
  
  I think something private but meaningful, like incorporating something of them in your bouquet is nice too.

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• misssunshine17 member

  

  January 2014

  cruffino said:

  I struggled with how to honor those that passed or can't be there and my FI and the ladies on this board reminded me not to make a happy occasion too morbid or sad. So in our ceremony, we'll do a brief statement about "remembering our loved ones who aren't with us today" and leaving it at that. I think something private but meaningful, like incorporating something of them in your bouquet is nice too.

  We were in a very similar situation with H's grandmother at our wedding. Since she wasn't there, I make a picture charm (it was easy with charms from Joanne's for like $3) and pinned it on the inside of his jacket. Subtle honor is way more meaningful to many people.

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• BMoreBride6 member

  

  January 2014

  wrigleyville said:

  Yes, definitely. I think it's sweet you want to honor her, and I'm really very sorry she's so ill, but it's a bit weird to mourn someone who is still alive.

  
  

  Why don't you put up the framed pictures of your FI's mother and your great-grandmother and then give your Nana a nice corsage to wear, similar to the ones the MOB and MOG wear? My MOH did this when she got married, as her grandmother had end-stage cancer. She also made sure they had a ton of formal pictures taken with her.

  I took it to mean that her Nana's health will prevent her from attending.  OP, could you clarify?

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• mrsbanany member

  

  January 2014

  I would also assume that since her grandmother's illness is considered end-stage, she would be unable to attend.  OP, that is such a horrible disease and I am so sorry that you have to go through this during this special time in your life.

  
  

  While it may be confusing to some since she is still alive, I think honoring your grandmother (especially if she is not able to attend) is a beautiful sentiment and I think having her photo with the others is nice.  Your guests will understand the situation and won't find it strange, at least I wouldn't.  Also, I think the phrase "with us in our hearts" is appropriate in this situation because while she is not there mentally, she is still with you all in your heart.  That is pretty theoretical and "out there" but you loved each other and that never goes away so I think that phrase fits perfectly, it is also appropriate for those who have passed.  

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• erika610 member

  

  January 2014

  wrigleyville said:

  Yes, definitely. I think it's sweet you want to honor her, and I'm really very sorry she's so ill, but it's a bit weird to mourn someone who is still alive.

  
  

  Why don't you put up the framed pictures of your FI's mother and your great-grandmother and then give your Nana a nice corsage to wear, similar to the ones the MOB and MOG wear? My MOH did this when she got married, as her grandmother had end-stage cancer. She also made sure they had a ton of formal pictures taken with her.

  Her health will absolutely prevent her from attending. It's the hardest thing. We're all mourning who she was, and there's nothing at all left of her but her body. Yet she's still alive. Alzheimer's is a terrible beast. Perhaps if I found a picture of her with my great-grandmother, so they were in the same frame together and nixed any saying, just having the pictures? Our venue has a fireplace in the corner, and we were thinking of displaying the pictures there on the mantel. Still with us in the room, but not in-your-face. 

  

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• Inkdancer member

  

  January 2014

  erika610 said:

  wrigleyville said:

  Yes, definitely. I think it's sweet you want to honor her, and I'm really very sorry she's so ill, but it's a bit weird to mourn someone who is still alive.

  
  

  Why don't you put up the framed pictures of your FI's mother and your great-grandmother and then give your Nana a nice corsage to wear, similar to the ones the MOB and MOG wear? My MOH did this when she got married, as her grandmother had end-stage cancer. She also made sure they had a ton of formal pictures taken with her.

  Her health will absolutely prevent her from attending. It's the hardest thing. We're all mourning who she was, and there's nothing at all left of her but her body. Yet she's still alive. Alzheimer's is a terrible beast. Perhaps if I found a picture of her with my great-grandmother, so they were in the same frame together and nixed any saying, just having the pictures? Our venue has a fireplace in the corner, and we were thinking of displaying the pictures there on the mantel. Still with us in the room, but not in-your-face. 

  I think pictures on the mantel is a great idea. You could include pictures of your family and FI's family, so it brings the two together and honors both families without feeling funereal.
  

  

  

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• aurorajanette member

  

  January 2014

  I would definitely work this in in a more private way, as some PP's have suggested (charm on bouquet, etc).

  
  

  As someone who works with people with Alzheimer's and other sorts of dementia on a daily basis, I really do think that it's incredibly important to focus on the positive and not the negative. I know this can be extremely difficult to do, having had a grandfather with Alzheimer's some years ago, but you need to remember that although they aren't the same to you right now, they are still people and are very much alive... it's just harder for them to show it. Again, I know it's extremely hard. I've seen it as a relative and as a caregiver to hundreds of people with Alzheimer's throughout my career. Many people do truly believe that there is only a shell of a person left, but I have witnessed some pretty incredible things from those folks who are non-verbal, non-communicative, low-functioning dementia patients. Try to focus on her life and not her illness.  I suggest this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CrZXz10FcVM It's a great testament to these folks who the rest of the world have forgotten.

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• wrigleyville member

  

  January 2014

  I'm sorry. I thought maybe she was still a bit mobile while under someone's care. I misunderstood.

  
  

  I think putting the pictures on the mantel is a lovely idea.

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