Postpone, Keep or move the wedding up

pipeTsquared · January 2014

We recently found out that I'm pregnant (very unexpected but very happy)

I'm due right at the end of July/Early August but our wedding was planned for October

So we are now trying to work out if doing it all within 3 months is too much to do.

So do we postpone till baby is a bit older, Keep the wedding date as it is or move the wedding up?

melbelleup · January 2014

I guess it's really up to you guys. It really depends on your views, how others will react (if you care) and what you think would be best. If you're having a big wedding, under 3 months might be hard. If you want a small intimate wedding, you could have it planned and everything by March. In my mind, I wouldn't want to have a baby and not be married, but that's my opinion and I'm allowed it as are you allowed to have yours.

melbelleup · January 2014

Also, if you're due for July/August that means you got pregnant in September/November. That sucks that you just found out. Congrats though

PolarBearFitz · January 2014

I would move the wedding up. Make it a small ceremony and then you can just be focused on the new baby. Rather than rushing through all of it in three months. From what I hear being a new mommy is (while awesome) really tiring.

Drewsgirl31 · January 2014

Or try to have it all planned before your due date if you want to keep the oct date

pinkcow13 · January 2014

My friend found out she was pregnant also before the wedding, and they postponned it until this coming June at which point the baby will be 8 months. It is really up to you and how you feel. I think though if you go through with the original wedding so soon after giving birth, it may be a bit tiring and stressful. Personally, I would push the wedding up as I would want to be married before having the baby. So whatever works for both of you is what should determine the decision.

pipeTsquared · January 2014

melbelleup said:

I guess it's really up to you guys. It really depends on your views, how others will react (if you care) and what you think would be best. If you're having a big wedding, under 3 months might be hard. If you want a small intimate wedding, you could have it planned and everything by March. In my mind, I wouldn't want to have a baby and not be married, but that's my opinion and I'm allowed it as are you allowed to have yours.

We arent bothered about having a kid first then getting hitched.

We were planning on a relatively big wedding (FH is from abroard and so we were planning on flying out as many of his family members as possible)

melbelleup said:

Also, if you're due for July/August that means you got pregnant in September/November. That sucks that you just found out. Congrats though

I know

I was on the pill and so didnt know for some time

tmclawchick · January 2014

First off, congratulations!!!! The wedding date situation is tricky but totally your call, though if it was me I'd either move it up to before the due date, or postpone until your LO is older. Here's my reasoning: if you keep the original date keep in mind you'll have a 3 month old who will need feedings/changed, etc. throughout the day... if you're nursing (and even if you aren't) it will make things hectic, but not impossible (especially if you have a family member who can help). Also things to consider: the general exhaustion/stress that comes with newborn territory (not meaning to scare you, but yes, you will be tired) and little things like fitting in your dress (if you've bought it already), or all of the last minute wedding stress compounded by baby stress.

Whether you choose to have the wedding sooner or later, the priority is making sure you're prepared for the little one. People have preferences about their ideal situation, but being married before your due date is not necessary to be loving and caring parents to your child. Best of luck!

firebabe6519 · January 2014

I would suggest you consider a pro and con list. Will you have the energy or time to get fitted for your dress in 3 months? And will alterations be done in time? I would suggest postponing a little. You don't want to be too stressed right after having a new baby.

LakeR2014 · January 2014

@Pipetsquared.... Sorry to get personal but I wonder how that works as someone who's been on the pill forever....Did you get your period when you were supposed to and just didn't notice until other symptoms came up or was your period absent and that may have been not that unusual for you?

melbelleup · January 2014

pipeTsquared said:

melbelleup said:

I guess it's really up to you guys. It really depends on your views, how others will react (if you care) and what you think would be best. If you're having a big wedding, under 3 months might be hard. If you want a small intimate wedding, you could have it planned and everything by March. In my mind, I wouldn't want to have a baby and not be married, but that's my opinion and I'm allowed it as are you allowed to have yours.

We arent bothered about having a kid first then getting hitched.
We were planning on a relatively big wedding (FH is from abroard and so we were planning on flying out as many of his family members as possible)

melbelleup said:

Also, if you're due for July/August that means you got pregnant in September/November. That sucks that you just found out. Congrats though

I know I was on the pill and so didnt know for some time

Based on wanting a big wedding- I'd plan it all out now and push the date back so the baby would be 6 months or so when the wedding comes.

and that sucks about not knowing

but at least now you know and can enjoy planning for a baby to come too

pipeTsquared · January 2014

LakeR2014 said:

@Pipetsquared.... Sorry to get personal but I wonder how that works as someone who's been on the pill forever....Did you get your period when you were supposed to and just didn't notice until other symptoms came up or was your period absent and that may have been not that unusual for you?

It isnt uncommon for me to just have my 'period' for a day or it be super light or it just not be there one month. So it didnt raise any eyebrows for me

LakeR2014 · January 2014

pipeTsquared said:

LakeR2014 said:

@Pipetsquared.... Sorry to get personal but I wonder how that works as someone who's been on the pill forever....Did you get your period when you were supposed to and just didn't notice until other symptoms came up or was your period absent and that may have been not that unusual for you?

It isnt uncommon for me to just have my 'period' for a day or it be super light or it just not be there one month. So it didnt raise any eyebrows for me

@pipetsquared..... ok thanks. I've been on the pill for over half my life (PCOS) and have always been regular with my period on it, so that's how I've based pregnancy/not pregnancy. But unlike you, it's always regular and never light, I think if a light one occurred I'd run to the drug store, lol.

And sorry for this extreme delay - but Congrats on your pregnancy!

pipeTsquared · January 2014

firebabe6519 said:

I would suggest you consider a pro and con list. Will you have the energy or time to get fitted for your dress in 3 months? And will alterations be done in time? I would suggest postponing a little. You don't want to be too stressed right after having a new baby.

@firebabe6519. A Pro/Con list is a great idea, thanks

misssunshine17 · January 2014

I would want to be married before my baby was born. Also, in the months after your birth, you're going to be consumed in baby-world. I feel like a wedding then would be more stressful.

cruffino · January 2014

Personally, I would get married now in a small, immediate family only ceremony, then have a kick ass party when the baby was a year or so. Best of luck and congrats!

monkeysip · January 2014

As exhausting as pregnancy is, I feel that having a newborn is even more exhausting, so I'd probably move the wedding up if possible. But only if my church would have allowed it. Otherwise, it would just stay the same, and my advice would be to get rid of anything unnecessary.

No, you don't need favors or programs.

No, you don't need to DIY cute centerpieces and decor.

Etc... just get down to basics and don't worry because you'll still have an amazing day either way!

Also--congratulations on the baby and the wedding (whenever it happens!)

jdluvr06 · January 2014

First off congratulations!!!!! If you aren't bothered by having the kid before you get married and if you are dead set on a big wedding thenI would postpone but it will be pretty stressful to plan a wedding with a new born. Also one of my friends got pregnant when she was on the pill. It is rare but it does happen.

monkeysip · January 2014

jdluvr06 said:

First off congratulations!!!!! If you aren't bothered by having the kid before you get married and if you are dead set on a big wedding thenI would postpone but it will be pretty stressful to plan a wedding with a new born. Also one of my friends got pregnant when she was on the pill. It is rare but it does happen.

It's really not that rare. PERFECT use of the pill is 99%, meaning 1 out of a 100 women using the pill perfectly will get pregnant each year. And let's face it, a lot of women don't use the pill perfectly.

(Not saying anything against the pill, it's just reality that no birth control, except getting a hysterectomy, is 100%. Unplanned pregnancies on contraception happen more often than we think)

doeydo · January 2014

Hmm. I think I personally would postpone the wedding but that is just me.

misshart00 · January 2014

If you can get it planned, I think you can keep the date. I'm holding my three month old right now and, while I wouldn't necessarily want to plan a wedding, I would be fine going to a party.

But it depends what you want.

lc07 · January 2014

For us, the financial aspect would have been a concern at the time when we got married. We would have wanted to put the wedding funds towards baby funds. I'm guessing you have already considered the monetary aspects, though.

CMGragain · January 2014

I think you have to look at what is the norm in your family. In my family, it would be expected that you move up the wedding, or maybe have a simpler ceremony. I know other families that would expect a postponement, since it isn't unusual to have a child outside of marriage. Every family is different.
You should also think about what the child would eventually think about it. You are going to have to explain your choice to him/her someday. Ideally, it shouldn't make any difference, but realistically, sometimes it does.
I'm not trying to be judgmental. Only the two of you can make the decision, and a bunch of internet strangers can't really understand what is best for you. Congratulations on your baby!

pipeTsquared · January 2014

CMGragain said:

I think you have to look at what is the norm in your family. In my family, it would be expected that you move up the wedding, or maybe have a simpler ceremony. I know other families that would expect a postponement, since it isn't unusual to have a child outside of marriage. Every family is different.
You should also think about what the child would eventually think about it. You are going to have to explain your choice to him/her someday. Ideally, it shouldn't make any difference, but realistically, sometimes it does.
I'm not trying to be judgmental. Only the two of you can make the decision, and a bunch of internet strangers can't really understand what is best for you. Congratulations on your baby!

@CMGragain I know what you are saying but our families (and friends) wont give two hoots if we get married after (or even at all), we just dont come from those sort of circles

cruffino said:

Personally, I would get married now in a small, immediate family only ceremony, then have a kick ass party when the baby was a year or so. Best of luck and congrats!

@cruffino.

Because FH has no family here we cant really have a small, immediate family sort of wedding because we would still have to fly them all out here and so couldnt fly the out twice and wouldnt want to leave them out of the wedding. But it is a fair point.

Thanks for all the 'Congratulations'

A lot to think about I guess

Postpone, Keep or move the wedding up

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