Venue Dress Code

pinkshorts27 · January 2014

The venue we are currently looking at is a golf course my dad belongs to. It is special to me and my FI doesn't care either way because my parents have offered to pay. He just wants a say in the food, so we are pretty sure we are using this venue and it is the venue my parents want so it is perfect.

The only problem is that there is a strict dress code:

-No jeans, no denim (anywhere on your outfit)

-Men's shirts have to be colored and tucked

-No athletic clothes, pants, shorts, or tshirts

-Any shorts have to have a 6 inch inseam and no short dressed (should be within a few inches of the knee)

-Hats must be removed upon entry

If guests are not dressed appropriately, they will be asked to comply (they may purchase appropriate clothing at our pro shop) or they will be removed from the venue by force. Either way we will be charged a convenience fee (not much, but they want to insure that we inform the guests of the dress code) and I'm sure the guest will be embarrassed.

My FI family is from Kansas and Nebraska and I never thought anything of it, but I saw pictures of his mothers funeral and everyone was wearing jeans, cowboy shirts, and cowboy hats. I asked him and he said that he hasn't seen them much but the last wedding they went to they were wearing the same thing.

So we plan on putting the dress code on our website, but his family doesn't have computer skills (half don't even have internet). Should we include an insert in our invitations? Is that rude? Should I have him call all of his family and explain? If so, we should probably call everyone so no one feels singled out. What do you ladies think?

kmmssg · January 2014

Since your venue has specific requirements I would add an insert to the invitations. Especially if his family doesn't use computers much. An carefully worded insert listing the specific requirements will not offend anyone and will prevent people from showing up and saying "I didn't know there was a dress code".

HisGirlFriday13 · January 2014

Generally, it's rude to tell people how to dress.

BUT

The exception to that is your situation. Because your venue has some very strict guidelines, you absolutely need to tell your guests about this.

I would include an insert in the invites that says, 'Our reception venue has a fairly strict dress code: ...' and then list the requirements (but don't mention the venue charging you a convenience fee; it's rude to tell you guests in any way what hosting them is costing you).

Also, you could include a line that no exceptions are made, even for wedding guests, so they know that failing to comply means they won't be allowed in.

I would also tell one or two members of your FI'S family so they can spread the word among the other relatives.

AprilH81 · January 2014

Since this is a venue restriction and not about your "vision" for the day it is 100% okay to put an insert in your invitations about the dress code. I would copy the text exactly from their website (and fix and formatting weirdness from the copy/paste) and include a sentence explaining the venue dress code and direct them to the venue or you with any questions.

misssunshine17 · January 2014

Honestly, I think it's a little off picking a venue that charges people if they're not dressed to their standards. I get it's a thing, but I would never choose to inconvenience my guests that way.

AddieCake · January 2014

I would absolutely put something in with the invitations since the dress code is so strict.

kmmssg · January 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Generally, it's rude to tell people how to dress. BUT The exception to that is your situation. Because your venue has some very strict guidelines, you absolutely need to tell your guests about this. I would include an insert in the invites that says, 'Our reception venue has a fairly strict dress code: ...' and then list the requirements (but don't mention the venue charging you a convenience fee; it's rude to tell you guests in any way what hosting them is costing you). Also, you could include a line that no exceptions are made, even for wedding guests, so they know that failing to comply means they won't be allowed in. I would also tell one or two members of your FI'S family so they can spread the word among the other relatives.

Double ditto to the bolded. If you have some gossipy aunts/grandma in FI's family I'd use them to get the word out! That would be quite helpful.

huskypuppy14 · January 2014

Yes, definitely add the dress code on an insert. I think this is pretty common for a golf club. No denim, no athletic clothes, and no hats is not unusual. I think the only thing that is weird is the convenience fee. That's a little ridiculous!

OliveOilsMom · January 2014

Ditto PP, but I find the one rule a little odd. What is up with the "Mens shirts must be colored and tucked"? My H usually will wear a white button down shirt with a tie to a wedding. Would that really violate the dress code? Does that mean if your H wears a tux, he can't have a white shirt underneath?

pinkshorts27 · January 2014

Thanks everyone. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't being rude!

misssunshine17

I chose the venue for many reasons, but I think wearing a collared and tucked shirt isn't too huge of a convenience. I don't think that the dresses or athletic shorts will be an issue. They tend to wear floor length dresses and I can inform my younger friends pretty easily!

And they won't charge the guest, but us. If we get charged it is not a huge deal. I told my parents I would cover it. I would never ever tell anyone that would charge us. I was just demonstrating how serious they are. It is a private golf course with an amazing ballroom and incredible food with great prices. It is literally the perfect venue for us and the place where we went on our first date as well as centrally located for both families. Since you can only host events if you are a member it is pretty unique for weddings, but they are incredible at running and hosting events.

huskypuppy14 · January 2014

She meant collared not colored!

pinkshorts27 · January 2014

OliveOilsMom

I spelled collared wrong... sorry. Golf club rule that they must have a collar.

laurynm84

It is about 10 bucks if they have to go talk to someone. It is cheap and only added because people were hosting events and not informing their guests.

Inkdancer · January 2014

@OliveOilsMom said:

Ditto PP, but I find the one rule a little odd. What is up with the "Mens shirts must be colored and tucked"? My H usually will wear a white button down shirt with a tie to a wedding. Would that really violate the dress code? Does that mean if your H wears a tux, he can't have a white shirt underneath?

I believe she meant "collared".

pinkshorts27 · January 2014

Yup Collared!

I am at home sick with a fever and trying to work on planning, but I think a nap is in order if I keep messing up my words!

aurianna · January 2014

Ooooh. Collared shirt! The original OP said "colored."
I was seriously confused about that too.

ETA: wow. ninja'd hardcore.

Jen4948 · January 2014

Yes, put this information on an insert in your invitations. Normally I'd agree that it's not appropriate for you to dictate how guests should dress, but since your venue has a strict dress code that it will enforce, your guests need the heads-up.

KatWAG · January 2014

Am I the only one who doesn't think this is unreasonable? I think it is pretty standard for Country Club attire. Although, the fee is just silly.

I would have your fi talk to his family about the dress code and add an insert if you really think its neccessary.

huskypuppy14 · January 2014

KatWAG said:

Am I the only one who doesn't think this is unreasonable? I think it is pretty standard for Country Club attire. Although, the fee is just silly.

I would have your fi talk to his family about the dress code and add an insert if you really think its neccessary.

I pretty much said the same thing above.

KatWAG · January 2014

laurynm84 said:

KatWAG said:

Am I the only one who doesn't think this is unreasonable? I think it is pretty standard for Country Club attire. Although, the fee is just silly.

I would have your fi talk to his family about the dress code and add an insert if you really think its neccessary.
I pretty much said the same thing above.

Sorry! Didn't read all the replies!

phira · January 2014

Ditto previous posters. This is the one major exception to the rule that you can't tell your guests how to dress.

pinkshorts27 · January 2014

Thanks again everyone! Hope you all have great days!

OliveOilsMom · January 2014

Collared shirt makes sense! I think all the snow outside white washed my brain today!

wrigleyville · January 2014

I was confused about colored too. That's funny.

I'd be grateful to get an insert like that because I know various country clubs have different rules. If I hadn't received something, I'd probably go to their website, call the country club, or call the couple if I knew them well.

HisGirlFriday13 · January 2014

Yeah, I read the OP and thought she meant 'coloured' not 'collared' and I thought that was unusually strict. The rest of the dress code jives with what our country club venue required, although I don't think ours required knee-length (or nearly so) skirts.

jessicabessica · January 2014

PPs have given good advice. If you're able to do so, it might not hurt to go to TJMaxx (or similar) and pick up a few polos or dress shirts. That way if anyone forgets or wears something not quite appropriate, they don't have to buy something from the pro shop.

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