Pinterest Dress Etiquette

MmeDokich · January 2014

I am the 5th in a line of friends to get engaged this year. Aside from one other couple, my wedding date is the earliest. I got very lucky and found my dress very quickly. It was on clearance, so I bought it and it's in the closet, waiting for the big day.

In casually searching through Pinterest, I see that one of my engaged friends has pinned the same dress. I know that Pinterest is used for inspiration, and I actually didn't see my dress on Pinterest until she pinned it, but should I tell her? About 5-10 people that will be at my wedding could also be at hers. I don't particularly care if we have the same dress, but her date is later and she may feel differently. On the other hand, the place I bought my dress from told me that it was no longer in production, so it's highly unlikely that she'll find the exact dress. Thoughts?

photokitty · January 2014

Does she know you look at her pintrest? I would just say - "OMG! You pinned my dress, don't you love it?? I loved it! How did you happen to find it? That's so random! I'm so excited we're getting married. eeeeeeekkkk!" And then change the subject.

I would totally want to know if what dress my friend bought, bc I wouldn't want to wear the same one. But that's just me. But I know it wouldn't be the end of the world if my friend had the same dress…you know what they say - Great minds!

misshart00 · January 2014

Don't worry about it. Even if she does buy it, no one will notice because your weddings will probably be very different.

MmeDokich · January 2014

She knows I follow her and she follows me. The pin also popped up on Facebook, which is where I first saw it.

sofakingmad · January 2014

You obviously don't have to tell her, but you can tell her if you think that it might bother her to have the same dress.

photokitty · January 2014

MmeDokich said:

She knows I follow her and she follows me. The pin also popped up on Facebook, which is where I first saw it.

Then I'd tell her, like I said.

If I was her and you didn't say anything and I bought it, I'd probably wonder why you didn't tell me I had pinned a dress you already bought. Might be an awkward panda moment in the receiving line :-p

I don't think it's rude to tell her. It's just conversation. Like if you were looking at the same venue, you'd say "oh I called there to ask about pricing too." It's not like you're trying to out do one another

phira · January 2014

You're not violating some kind of etiquette by wearing a dress that she MIGHT be interested in wearing. She has no proof you should have seen the dress on her pinterest anyway.

Honestly, I would do and say nothing. One thing that a lot of brides need to get over is the idea that they'll be wearing a unique dress. If you want to wear a unique dress, have it custom made.

huskypuppy14 · January 2014

I pinned a ton of dresses and didn't buy any of them. So the odds are she won't either. However, I would just bring it up to her.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

I wouldn't say anything. Unless you are having a one of a kind gown custom made for you, somebody somewhere is going to wear the exact same gown you bought in a bridal salon. . . they are mass produced.

I think it's fun to have dress twins. . . Maggie Bernadette Holla!

wrigleyville · January 2014

She may have just pinned it for inspiration, so I probably wouldn't say anything. I pinned a lot of dresses when I was looking just because I liked that style. My dress was close to those but wasn't actually any of *those* dresses, if that makes sense.

You could ask if that's the dress she plans to order, if only to let her know it's no longer produced. I'd appreciate it if one of my friends let me know that because then I could search for a similar gown.

MyNameIsNot · January 2014

I would comment on the pin. Maybe "that looks like my dress.. great minds" instead of specifically telling her it's your dress.

If she's concerned about matching, she'll ask.

LoveLee2014 · January 2014

I would not say a word. Be flattered that she likes it so much that she would use it as inspiration! I have been to tons of weddings and the only thing I remember about the dresses is that they were pretty and white/ivory! LOL Do not even worry about it. Plus, would you want to take the chance on upsetting her and causing drama? I would say it is not worth it.

misssunshine17 · January 2014

I wouldn't comment because then everyone would know what your dress would look like and since I'm paranoid, I would think my FI would see. Dresses look SO different on different body types and the likelihood of her picking that dress is slim.

indianaalum · January 2014

Tough one. I see both sides.

1) I got married and then LATER realized I had an identical dress to someone I know (whose wedding I didn't attend). I had seen her wedding pics and she had seen mine, and neither of us even noticed until much later that it was the same dress. As a matter of fact, we had to actually look up the designer and number to even be certain it was the same. Her mother was at my wedding and she never noticed either. We have completely different body types so the dress appeared very differently.

Because of THAT story, I'd say "drop it and move on" because it's possible she wouldn't even notice if it IS the same dress.

On the other hand, if she finds out she is wearing the same dress as you, she might feel bad, so perhaps it wouldn't hurt to show her your dress ahead of time, and see if she says anything?!?

Tough call

jessicabessica · January 2014

I would say something. I don't think it matters if you both have the same dress--even though the chance of that happening is small--but in case she cares, I think it's worth mentioning. I would just use PP's "great minds" line when you talk to her next.

hellohkb · January 2014

I agree with a lot of PPs. I would just make a casual comment. "Hey, that's my dress, great minds think alike!", etc. That way, you're not really going out of your way to something, but you're still giving her a heads up just in case she has her eye on that dress.

erinbethp · January 2014

I think that as long as you're not keeping your dress a big ol' secret, then it's not a big deal to casually mention that you saw your dress on her pinterest. Just laugh it off and say how funny is that. If she enquires more, let her know which one is yours and just say I'm glad you like it... I'm sure that dress would look great on you too. Then leave it at that. That way she knows what dress is yours and so if she wants to look at others she can, but if she is stuck on that one, or something similar you've kind of implied that you would be cool with it.

I know that brides aren't all unique and many will have the same dress in a country, but some people really don't want to wear the same as someone else in their group of friends. This happened to a friend of mine, which two brides had the same dress and I know one of them was a bit disappointed with it (although she got over it as it really isn't a huge deal). Bringing it up casually allows her to make the choice for herself.

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