too late for an engagement party?

jackiemr04 · January 2014

I have been engaged now for 3 years... Our wedding date has officially moved back another year and now will be July 2, 2015. Me and my mother in law were talking and wondering is it too late to have an engagement party? When I got engaged originally we were young and just had a baby so we were kind of just staying low. Since the wedding was pushed back we thought would it be a bad idea to have a late engagement party? Would people feel its a little weird and too late? Our family is great and they love to get together so this could be another reason to just have everyone around.

Thoughts????

HisGirlFriday13 · January 2014

Sadly, yes. Engagement parties should be hosted within a few months at most of the engagement. You're well beyond that window.

Perhaps your FMIL will want to throw you a bridal shower in the Spring of 2015, though.

BMoreBride6 · January 2014

Not trying to be rude, but to be completely honest, I'd probably side eye it.

KeptInStitches · January 2014

I think it would be weird. I have no problem with your family getting together, just don't call it an engagement party.

firebabe6519 · January 2014

I would forego the engagement party. We have been engaged for four years and skipped and engagement party earlier on because we knew our wedding would not be for another two years (after I graduated college).

Since most of your friends / family already know you are engaged for quite a while it would feel inappropriate I think. If your family is offering to throw a party for you, then you could always opt for a more laid back theme. Such as a "we set the date" ordeal. But I wouldn't expect gifts.

Blue_Bird · January 2014

As others have said, it's way too late for an engagement party at this point. There also really is no reason to have one, since the point is to announce your engagement and introduce the future in-laws.

That doesn't mean you can't have a get-together with all your family whenever you like, however. You don't need an "occasion" to do this.

chibiyui · January 2014

The ship has sailed on an engagement party, but there is no reason your MIL can't throw a why the hell not party. It just can't be about your engagement.

jackiemr04 · January 2014

I guess everyone is right. I wish I could just have the wedding this year which was the original plan but unfortunately we can not afford it. Having an engagement party would have been an opportunity to get a few gifts, I guess that is being selfish but my MIL was the one with the idea. We didn't have one early on because of the circumstances and we also weren't getting married anytime soon so we felt the engagement party would not be proper.

freebread03 · January 2014

In most crowds, engagement parties aren't gift giving occasions anyways, so having a party with the intent of getting gifts probably wouldn't accomplish your goal. (Though you would probably end up with quite a few bottles of wine!)

STARMOON44 · January 2014

Why not let her throw a party? It could be a lovely afternoon thing, invite people for 2, end around 5, serve snacks and drinks? Send out invitations 6 weeks in advance. Wear a new dress. Oh- and hire an officiant and get married! I mean, if you want to be married, go for it! You really dont need all the bells and whistles.

jackiemr04 · January 2014

unfortunately when I thought we would be able to get married in July of this year I had put a deposit down at a venue. Then my FH lost his job and recently just got another one. One of my other thoughts could be to get a loan to pay off for everything on the wedding but don't know if I can do that either. If not then it will just have to be next year

KittyKaty20 · January 2014

jackiemr04 said:

I guess everyone is right. I wish I could just have the wedding this year which was the original plan but unfortunately we can not afford it. Having an engagement party would have been an opportunity to get a few gifts, I guess that is being selfish but my MIL was the one with the idea. We didn't have one early on because of the circumstances and we also weren't getting married anytime soon so we felt the engagement party would not be proper.

Ick. And, No. And if your mother in law wants you two to get gifts, she is certainly welcome to give them to you.

RebeccaB88 · January 2014

The only reason you want an engagement party is to get gifts and attention? Am I reading this right? Please tell me I'm not. And, around here very few people have engagement parties, and those who do don't get gifts, outside of a bottle of wine or maybe a gift card or picture frame. If you want your families to meet each other, there's no reason why there can't be a dinner party or barbecue where they will just happen to both be invited. But it won't be about your engagement. Stoopid paragraphs. :P

RebeccaB88 · January 2014

The only reason you want an engagement party is to get gifts and attention? Am I reading this right? Please tell me I'm not. And, around here very few people have engagement parties, and those who do don't get gifts, outside of a bottle of wine or maybe a gift card or picture frame. If you want your families to meet each other, there's no reason why there can't be a dinner party or barbecue where they will just happen to both be invited. But it won't be about your engagement. Stoopid paragraphs. :P

AddieCake · January 2014

Absolutely do not take out loans to pay for a wedding.

jackiemr04 · January 2014

RebeccaB88 said:

The only reason you want an engagement party is to get gifts and attention? Am I reading this right? Please tell me I'm not. And, around here very few people have engagement parties, and those who do don't get gifts, outside of a bottle of wine or maybe a gift card or picture frame. If you want your families to meet each other, there's no reason why there can't be a dinner party or barbecue where they will just happen to both be invited. But it won't be about your engagement. Stoopid paragraphs. :P

No I do not want attention. My MIL knows that if we were to have an engagement party her family would give money as a small token to say congrats. It is obvious that it is too late just didn't know if other people had different views and that is why I asked. Both of our families have already met we have been together for 5 years and have a little girl. The reason we didn't have an engagement party right away was because it just didn't seem right because we just had a baby. We knew we weren't going to get married for a while but didn't know there was a "limit" on the time frame to have an engagement party.

misssunshine17 · January 2014

No freaking way. The boat said over two years ago. Plus your line about gifts sounds super slimy. Would you consider just having a small wedding you can afford now?

JCbride2015 · January 2014

Your FMIL sounds a lot like mine, she was super into us getting gifts and kept asking to invite more people to the e-party (and now the wedding) because "they'll give you a nice check." And I understand when someone else is throwing the party it's hard to say no-- hence why our e-party ended up so large, eek.

But you've been engaged two years? That ship has sailed. It's nice she wants to throw you a party, but it's just too late. And especially if your families are local and know each other, there really isn't much reason. Sorry. :-/

AddieCake · January 2014

I'm with StarMoon. I don't understand why you can't get married now. She wants to throw a party, which costs money. You could have a wedding for about the same amount it would cost to throw the party if you kept it simple. Granted, it might not be the wedding you're hoping to have, so if you're wanting something bigger, then the wait will have to be. But the ship has definitely sailed on an engagement party.

jackiemr04 · January 2014

AddieL73 said:

I'm with StarMoon. I don't understand why you can't get married now. She wants to throw a party, which costs money. You could have a wedding for about the same amount it would cost to throw the party if you kept it simple. Granted, it might not be the wedding you're hoping to have, so if you're wanting something bigger, then the wait will have to be. But the ship has definitely sailed on an engagement party.

I am stuck with the venue because I have already placed a deposit like I mentioned earlier. My husband lost his job and that was the reason why we had to push it back another year. If I want to cancel the venue I need to pay liquidation cost which is more than what I put down for a deposit.

NYCBruin · January 2014

jackiemr04 said:

AddieL73 said:

I'm with StarMoon. I don't understand why you can't get married now. She wants to throw a party, which costs money. You could have a wedding for about the same amount it would cost to throw the party if you kept it simple. Granted, it might not be the wedding you're hoping to have, so if you're wanting something bigger, then the wait will have to be. But the ship has definitely sailed on an engagement party.

I am stuck with the venue because I have already placed a deposit like I mentioned earlier. My husband lost his job and that was the reason why we had to push it back another year. If I want to cancel the venue I need to pay liquidation cost which is more than what I put down for a deposit.

What does your contract say? This isn't making sense.

monkeysip · January 2014

I'm guessing that the venue let her push back the date instead of losing her deposit?

OP, I understand you can't change your venue, but is there any way you can simplify the other costs of your wedding at all? It just sounds like you'd like to get married sooner.

too late for an engagement party?

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