NER: December Wedding Question

pinkshorts27 · January 2014

So we had a date picked out now we are having some second thoughts. I'm asking you ladies because I lurk and you always give me something to think about.

We know we want to be married next December (2014), because my FI is in school and doesn't get a break next summer at all (the week after finals he starts rotations) and isn't even guaranteed Christmas off next year (2015) and we won't know his interview schedules and rotation schedules enough to warn his family. So unless we wait until after graduation (and we won't know his schedule for internship/residency until spring '16) which is 2.5 years away, December 2014 is our best bet.

We recognize some people may not be able to make it or may not want to make it, but we are trying to maximize attendees with what we have. It won't be a problem for most of our local guests and our VIPs but for out of town guests we are worried. Just to be clear, we understand that by having a winter wedding we may lose out of towners but we hope to make it somewhat convenient. We know what Venue we are using and they have openings on the 20th and 27th and 28th of December.

--If we want the 20th we will have to pay more, but we figured that would be more inconvenient, people will be just out of school (they get out on the 19th) and still shopping/thinking about Christmas.

--The 27th would be amazing, but I'm worried it only give the 26th to travel and people may just not want to go. We love the 27th (a Saturday) because most people will have that friday off work and it is my parent's anniversary so it would be super meaningful for us. We talked to them and they were thrilled by the idea.

--The 28th we also thought about because it gave the people who really wanted to come an extra day after Christmas to travel. We could have an awesome rehearsal dinner the day before and anniversary dinner too, which could be cool! But it is a Sunday and people may have to take Monday off to travel back, which would be inconvenient

I don't know. What do you guys think? It is less of a deal for my family since I talked to my aunts and uncles and the ones that can attend will be here early for Christmas.

Again, we recognize that we will lose some attendees due to the holidays but I think the important ones (my parents, brother, MOH, BM, his brother, and my friends) will be able to attend.

lizzypoo96 · January 2014

blueeyes90 said:

--If we want the 20th we will have to pay more, but we figured that would be more inconvenient, people will be just out of school (they get out on the 19th) and still shopping/thinking about Christmas.
--The 27th would be amazing, but I'm worried it only give the 26th to travel and people may just not want to go. We love the 27th (a Saturday) because most people will have that friday off work and it is my parent's 30th anniversary so it would be super meaningful for us. We talked to them and they were thrilled by the idea.
--The 28th we also thought about because it gave the people who really wanted to come an extra day after Christmas to travel. We could have an awesome rehearsal dinner the day before and anniversary dinner too, which could be cool! But it is a Sunday and people may have to take Monday off to travel back, which would be inconvenient

I am not a fan of Sunday weddings- regardless of travel, people are still going to have to get up the next day and go to work. I agree the 20th might be a little too close to christmas, plus you bring up a great point about people having the 26th off of work, so I say go for that (27th!)

AprilH81 · January 2014

How far are the out of towners traveling? Plane tickets will be expensive on any of those dates so it may not matter...

I think you are smart to do it after Christmas. December is crazy enough with family get togethers, work parties, shopping, decorating, baking, etc. that to do it before Christmas (unless it is early in the month) would be inconvenient to most.

I would do the 27th even though it is one day closer to Christmas. The Saturday time will let people take minimal (if any) time off of work and give them a day after to get back home.

FWIW, my sister did a destination wedding on December 28th in Florida and everyone was excited to come down to the warm weather (we all live in Ohio). It was a small guest list but it was a fabulous wedding and party!

pinkshorts27 · January 2014

Mine will drive from Idaho. His relatives are traveling from Nebraska/Kansas area. You are right that plane tickets will be spendy and I think we will just have to live with it.

Our place will be chilly (Oregon) but much warmer than Nebraska/Kansas.

I'm trying to convince FI that maybe we should go visit his family over Spring Break (his only break after Christmas) and host an indoor BBQ at the community center with beer just so I can meet everyone and they have an excuse to party (which his family will love!). Would that be a big no-no? We would just call it a party or an "Introduction Party" and not do any wedding stuff. I thought it would be fun to meet his family, since he knows mine so well. Would that be a good idea?

pinkshorts27 · January 2014

And thanks for the help! I'm just trying to navigate both of our families.

bethsmiles · January 2014

Honestly, I probably wouldn't travel from out of town to a wedding on any of those dates unless you were immediate family or my best friend. There is just so much going on around Christmas so adding another event in that time period would be stressful. If I absolutely had to go though the 27th is the best date of the ones you listed.

Is there any way you could push it to the beginning of January or does it have to be in December?

deannagirly · January 2014

I just got married this past 27th of December in Oregon! It was beautiful, the clouds let up and we had wonderful sunshine all day long for it. I loved it. We have some awesome photos from it already too! December is a great time to get married because a lot of things are cheaper (photographer, florist, venue, caterer) because it is out of season and they are willing to work with you on prices because they are just happy to have business during that time of the year. With that being said, I would go with the 27th. Our wedding was on a Friday evening, and most of our guests were in town, but still quite a few out of town were able to make it because they already had that day off. I agree plane tickets will be expensive no matter what, and some of your guests may not be able to make it because of flight delays but at least having it on Saturday gives them a day where they can try to get an early flight home so a flight delay wouldn't be such a big deal. (A sunday wedding, they would have to take Monday off work, then if their flight got delayed they may have to take Tuesday off as well!)

To sum it up, I am another vote for 27th of December, 2014

pinkshorts27 · January 2014

Unfortunately early January doesn't work for my family and the guy who is performing our ceremony and our venue.

Too many conflicts. I guess we will just have to deal with who can make it.

@deannagirly Congrats! We will be in Oregon! Did I say that somewhere?

deannagirly · January 2014

blueeyes90 said:

Unfortunately early January doesn't work for my family and the guy who is performing our ceremony and our venue. Too many conflicts. I guess we will just have to deal with who can make it.

@deannagirly Congrats! We will be in Oregon! Did I say that somewhere?

Yeah, you said people would be traveling from Nebraska and Kansas, and you would in Oregon which is a little warmer. I'd say about 40 degrees warmer. They people from Nebraska and Kansas should be ecstatic to come!

KittyKaty20 · January 2014

blueeyes90 said:

So we had a date picked out now we are having some second thoughts. I'm asking you ladies because I lurk and you always give me something to think about.

We know we want to be married next December (2014), because my FI is in Vet school and doesn't get a break next summer at all (the week after finals he starts rotations) and isn't even guaranteed Christmas off next year (2015) and we won't know his interview schedules and rotation schedules enough to warn his family. So unless we wait until after graduation (and we won't know his schedule for internship/residency until spring '16) which is 2.5 years away, December 2014 is our best bet.

We recognize some people may not be able to make it or may not want to make it, but we are trying to maximize attendees with what we have. It won't be a problem for most of our local guests and our VIPs but for out of town guests we are worried. Just to be clear, we understand that by having a winter wedding we may lose out of towners but we hope to make it somewhat convenient. We know what Venue we are using and they have openings on the 20th and 27th and 28th of December.
--If we want the 20th we will have to pay more, but we figured that would be more inconvenient, people will be just out of school (they get out on the 19th) and still shopping/thinking about Christmas.
--The 27th would be amazing, but I'm worried it only give the 26th to travel and people may just not want to go. We love the 27th (a Saturday) because most people will have that friday off work and it is my parent's 30th anniversary so it would be super meaningful for us. We talked to them and they were thrilled by the idea.
--The 28th we also thought about because it gave the people who really wanted to come an extra day after Christmas to travel. We could have an awesome rehearsal dinner the day before and anniversary dinner too, which could be cool! But it is a Sunday and people may have to take Monday off to travel back, which would be inconvenient

I don't know. What do you guys think? It is less of a deal for my family since I talked to my aunts and uncles and the ones that can attend will be here early for Christmas.

Again, we recognize that we will lose some attendees due to the holidays but I think the important ones (my parents, brother, MOH, BM, his brother, and my friends) will be able to attend.

I say 12/27 is the way to go. YOU said it would be amazing. YOUR parents were "thrilled" about it, and it would be "super meaningful" to you two. Do you really need to ask us?

Plus...some people will not like that you are having your wedding around a holiday, and you won't be able to please some people. I don't think you should have to "defend" your decision, but if you do, the fact that it's your parent's 30th Wedding Anniversary should shut down the protests. (Side note- think about doing a special Spotlight Dance/recognition for your parents, if they'd like that.)

HisGirlFriday13 · January 2014

I'm with @bethsmiles. Unless you're my BF or my immediate family, I'm not traveling on any of those days.

Flying and airports are bad enough for my anxiety; adding holiday travel to that would ramp up my anxiety to the point that I would be a hot damn mess.

Which is just my $.02; you know your family better than anyone else does. Of the dates you suggested, probably Dec. 27 is your best option.

clcountry · January 2014

We just got married two weeks ago on the twenty-first. We chose our date for similar reasons, and chose the 21st vs. 28th because it allowed more travel time between the wedding and Christmas. We did have a very high decline rate (slightly more than 50%), but I think it might have been even higher had we gone with the 28th. Choosing the 21st also allowed my family to come out a little early to help with a few last minute details and be there for the rehearsal dinner.

Truthfully, I think either date is likely to have a very high decline rate if you have a lot of out of town guests, so it really needs to be about what works best for you guys and your VIPs.

misssunshine17 · January 2014

I'm glad you have a realistic idea of people coming since it will be expensive during those dates, but I agree that Dec. 27th is definitely the best date of the choices listed.

phira · January 2014

I think it's really important to keep in mind that no matter what date you pick, you're going to have people who can't come. If the 27th works for your immediate family and your closest friends, then I think that's the way to go.

JennyColada · January 2014

I think that partly you have to keep in mind if the winter holidays are a big thing in your family. I know that for our families, the 27th would be perfect as none of us do a big hubbub for the holidays (so we don't have a lot to recoup from from the 25th). For some families that do a huge party for Christmas it may be a bit tougher (but I'd also imagine that you'd have put that in your original set of information).

I'm biased, but I think the Saturday 27 is the best option. But you'll have to decide for you and your family.

missmo14 · January 2014

Another vote for the 27th!

clarke10 · January 2014

Unless you were my best friend or close family member, I wouldn't be able to come to a wedding two days after Christmas. FH and I both come from very close families that life in different states, so its a hectic time for us. Do you have other guests who might have the same issue? I would be worried about a very low turnout.

climbingsingle · January 2014

I'd go with the 27th as well.

melbelleup · January 2014

My vote goes for the 27th as well. My friend just had her wedding Dec. 28th and it was still huge and tons of people came, though both sides were semi local (hour drive). If it works for your parents, immediate family and VIPs go for it

It'll be beautiful.

kmmssg · January 2014

I think as long as you are open minded and gracious to your declining guests the 27th sounds like a good idea. I am also in the corner of not attending a Dec 27th wedding unless your were my superBFF or one of my kids. A local one, yes. One I have to travel to? Won't happen.

Ven&Radio · January 2014

blueeyes90 said:

So we had a date picked out now we are having some second thoughts. I'm asking you ladies because I lurk and you always give me something to think about.

We know we want to be married next December (2014), because my FI is in Vet school and doesn't get a break next summer at all (the week after finals he starts rotations) and isn't even guaranteed Christmas off next year (2015) and we won't know his interview schedules and rotation schedules enough to warn his family. So unless we wait until after graduation (and we won't know his schedule for internship/residency until spring '16) which is 2.5 years away, December 2014 is our best bet.

We recognize some people may not be able to make it or may not want to make it, but we are trying to maximize attendees with what we have. It won't be a problem for most of our local guests and our VIPs but for out of town guests we are worried. Just to be clear, we understand that by having a winter wedding we may lose out of towners but we hope to make it somewhat convenient. We know what Venue we are using and they have openings on the 20th and 27th and 28th of December.
--If we want the 20th we will have to pay more, but we figured that would be more inconvenient, people will be just out of school (they get out on the 19th) and still shopping/thinking about Christmas.
--The 27th would be amazing, but I'm worried it only give the 26th to travel and people may just not want to go. We love the 27th (a Saturday) because most people will have that friday off work and it is my parent's 30th anniversary so it would be super meaningful for us. We talked to them and they were thrilled by the idea.
--The 28th we also thought about because it gave the people who really wanted to come an extra day after Christmas to travel. We could have an awesome rehearsal dinner the day before and anniversary dinner too, which could be cool! But it is a Sunday and people may have to take Monday off to travel back, which would be inconvenient

I don't know. What do you guys think? It is less of a deal for my family since I talked to my aunts and uncles and the ones that can attend will be here early for Christmas.

Again, we recognize that we will lose some attendees due to the holidays but I think the important ones (my parents, brother, MOH, BM, his brother, and my friends) will be able to attend.

Are you sure all of your friends/family who are in school would be out by the 19th? When I was in college, finals always went through 12/23.
Similarly, the only people I know who get 12/26 off without using a vacation day are teachers/school staff.

Alot of people already travel for the holidays. Xmas is one of the only times of the year we see my H's family.

Ultimately, whatever day you choose for your wedding, you're never going to have 100% guest attendance. Even if everyone RSVPs yes, sometimes things come up at the last minute, like illness, car trouble, or the babysitter cancels. I would pick the date that works best for your VIPs.

pinkshorts27 · January 2014

Thanks everyone! With his school and rotations unfortunately he doesn't have another break until after graduation, june '16 so I think we are going with the 27th understanding that most people won't be able to come if they are out of town. It is sad, but at the same time we understand and will see them over spring break (he vetoed a wedding then because it would be so close to finals and he would be distracted) so I think that is the best option for us. Now we are trying to get his dad on board! To be honest, since his mom passed most of that family probably wouldn't come and his dad's family didn't really have money to visit so I think a better date wouldn't help turnout.

Thanks again everyone! I love hearing opinions here and you girls set my expectations at the right level!

pinkshorts27 · January 2014

Ven&Radio yes I'm sure. They get three weeks out. The week of Christmas and then the two weeks after christmas. High schoolers in our area get two weeks, the week of Christmas and the week after.

heathertims · January 2014

Do the 27th. Some people might already be in town for the holidays, and traveling on the sunday wouldnt be too bad. Doing it the 28th, for those that start work on monday wil be a big bummer, and they will likely decline (OOT or not)

The 20th will just be insane. I vote a big NO on that one.

photokitty · January 2014

I'd go with the 27th bc you'll be happiest with that date regardless of the decline rate IMHO. When you have a wedding around a holiday you have to accept yo will have a higher that average decline rate and pick what is most convenient and after that what makes you happy. It sounds like they are "equally inconvenient" :-p So go with the sentimental date.

I was a July 3rd bride and not everyone could attend due to the holiday and we understood it had nothing to do with how much they loved us. In the end we did what worked for us and our VIPs understanding everyone else might not be able to make it.

GL!

NER: December Wedding Question

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