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I don't even.. what the f.. oh good grief - mini rant

GrrArghGrrArgh member
250 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I don't even know where to begin to react to this one. Had several ladies whom I barely know come up to the FI and I at church yesterday and say... "Well even though I wasn't invited... I'm not one to have my feelings hurt mind you... I have a gift for you two and wanted to give you my well wishes." Her tone of voice.. clearly indicated she was insulted she hadn't received and Invitation... that wasn't awkward in the SLIGHTEST and this happened a couple more times! We politely thanked them for their well wishes and said something to the effects we wish we could have invited everyone but we have huge families yaddayaddayadda oh look bean dip gotta go!  My rant is, why would you do this other than to make people feel awkward. If you want to give us well wishes, or a gift.. then give us well wishes and a gift or yanno don't!  >_<

I did think it was funny they all said they had gifts for us... but none of them actually gave us these supposed "here feel guilty for not inviting us" gifts.

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Re: I don't even.. what the f.. oh good grief - mini rant

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Wow. I will never understand why people just assume they should be invited to people's weddings!


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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I would be so irritated! We've had a bunch of people that have "volunteered" to do things like plan showers/bachelorette parties for me even though we wouldn't dream of inviting these people to our wedding. How on earth do their thought processes work?!
    ~*~*~*~*~

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  • GrrArghGrrArgh member
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    Jen4948 said:
    Since that happened at church, maybe it would be a good idea to bring it up to your clergyperson or the elders that this made you uncomfortable and ask them for assistance?  They might not be able to address it directly, but perhaps indirectly they can indicate to the congregation that when members do this to couples getting married there, it makes them uncomfortable.
    Its a nice idea but not really a practical way of doing it. These are some of the older ladies of the church, they are the ones that also pester newly weds as to when they are going to have kids. I already have a plan for that one though. I'm not the quiet little Mormon girl they are accustom to ^__^ Want to be so rude as to ask me about my sex life? (i.e. when I'm having kids) be forewarned I'll ask you about yours in return, I don't care if you're 80! 
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  • HaileyDancingbearHaileyDancingbear member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Oh jeez, consider that behavior as proof of how much you DON'T want them there.  Passive aggressive people are the worst, and you do not want them in your life.  I used to be roommates with people like that in college.  I ended up leaving after one year because it was a TINY school and since I couldn't avoid these people, I ended up hating every moment I spent there.  
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    GrrArgh said:
    Jen4948 said:
    Since that happened at church, maybe it would be a good idea to bring it up to your clergyperson or the elders that this made you uncomfortable and ask them for assistance?  They might not be able to address it directly, but perhaps indirectly they can indicate to the congregation that when members do this to couples getting married there, it makes them uncomfortable.
    Its a nice idea but not really a practical way of doing it. These are some of the older ladies of the church, they are the ones that also pester newly weds as to when they are going to have kids. I already have a plan for that one though. I'm not the quiet little Mormon girl they are accustom to ^__^ Want to be so rude as to ask me about my sex life? (i.e. when I'm having kids) be forewarned I'll ask you about yours in return, I don't care if you're 80! 
    Maybe you need to take this approach with these ladies: "Thanks for your interest.  I'm sorry for your disappointment, but unfortunately, we can't invite everyone we'd like."
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    GrrArgh said:
    @Jen4948 That's pretty much what we did. 

    Correction, that's pretty much what I did. FI stood there like a dear in headlights lol It was actually nice in a way.. we got in the car and he was all "Is that seriously what you've been putting up with for months? No wonder you're so stressed!" Nice to be understood I guess? 
    I'm sorry that that isn't working for you and your FI.  Maybe you need to be still more blunt:  "While I'm sorry for your disappointment, my FI and I don't appreciate being confronted about it in a hostile manner.  Our not inviting you was not intended as a personal insult."
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  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Oh the crazy church ladies...aren't they wonderful?!

    Sorry you're dealing with this. People are ridiculous.
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  • JellyBean52513JellyBean52513 member
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    Jen4948 said:
    GrrArgh said:
    @Jen4948 That's pretty much what we did. 

    Correction, that's pretty much what I did. FI stood there like a dear in headlights lol It was actually nice in a way.. we got in the car and he was all "Is that seriously what you've been putting up with for months? No wonder you're so stressed!" Nice to be understood I guess? 
    I'm sorry that that isn't working for you and your FI.  Maybe you need to be still more blunt:  "While I'm sorry for your disappointment, my FI and I don't appreciate being confronted about it in a hostile manner.  Our not inviting you was not intended as a personal insult."
    Here's another one for Team Blunt: "We appreciate you thinking of us, and FI and I were certainly sorry that we couldn't invite everyone we wanted to.... however, since I don't even know your name, you wouldn't have been on that list to begin with. But, again, thanks for your well-wishes!"
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  • KittyKaty20KittyKaty20 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper

    I was asked last month by a woman at Bunko: "I don't want to put you on the spot, but are you planning on inviting us (10 other women!) to the wedding?" (put on your poker face, KittyKaty) "I just want to know so I can plan on gifts." (Smile.) "That's so lovely of you to think of us so far out, and I'd love to have all my ladies there, but we're still settling on the guest list, so I can't say right now...would you like more wine? This Moscato is bomb!"

    The fact of the matter is, most of the women in my Bunko group are on the Contingent Planning List (not B-listing, JUST for planning, I promise!), since my mother has been playing with about 6 of them since I was 3 years old. We're not even sending out invites for another month...

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  • GrrArghGrrArgh member
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    Good news for me is, we're getting married this Saturday! So this past Sunday was the first and thankfully last time I'll have to deal with this particular situation ;-) 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    GrrArgh said:
    Good news for me is, we're getting married this Saturday! So this past Sunday was the first and thankfully last time I'll have to deal with this particular situation ;-) 
    But they'll be on you about kids next... ;-P
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    GrrArgh said:
    Jen4948 said:
    GrrArgh said:
    Good news for me is, we're getting married this Saturday! So this past Sunday was the first and thankfully last time I'll have to deal with this particular situation ;-) 
    But they'll be on you about kids next... ;-P
    True, but I'm ready for that ^__^  "We're having TONs of sex, so maybe soon! hows your sex life? Would you recommend any positions?"  "We are infertile but thanks for bringing up such an upsetting subject" "I've seen your kids, why would I want any of my own?"  

    /Side note: we're hoping to have 3, but will start with 1 and see what happens. 

    Oh I did tell my FI that when the times comes. we aren't telling people until it's just painfully obvious. Until that point I'm just going to tell everyone I'm getting fat act really offended and walk away to save myself the first time mother horror stories. 
    Hehehe....I love this.  Best of luck!
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  • APDSS22APDSS22 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    GrrArgh said:
    Jen4948 said:
    GrrArgh said:
    Good news for me is, we're getting married this Saturday! So this past Sunday was the first and thankfully last time I'll have to deal with this particular situation ;-) 
    But they'll be on you about kids next... ;-P
    True, but I'm ready for that ^__^  "We're having TONs of sex, so maybe soon! hows your sex life? Would you recommend any positions?"  "We are infertile but thanks for bringing up such an upsetting subject" "I've seen your kids, why would I want any of my own?"  

    /Side note: we're hoping to have 3, but will start with 1 and see what happens. 

    Oh I did tell my FI that when the times comes. we aren't telling people until it's just painfully obvious. Until that point I'm just going to tell everyone I'm getting fat act really offended and walk away to save myself the first time mother horror stories. 
    I personally prefer response 3 there...don't think I'd have the gall to actually say it, but I love the snark.
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  • Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
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    Love it! Tell them, "We are actually having a tough time getting pregnant even though we have a ton of sex, would you like to be a surrogent?
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  • garnetandgold60garnetandgold60 member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I'd say for baby related questions either, "We're having a baby nine months after conception, would you like us to tell you the day after that happens?" Or "We're having fun having lots of practice, any recommendations?" ;)

    I also like the "Why do you want to know?" route, it really makes people think twice! (Can you tell this is a subject that annoys me? Hahaha)
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  • phiraphira member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I had a friend ask me today when the wedding was because he's scheduling shows for this year. I was supposed to be a bridesmaid in his wedding (long story), so I was hoping to invite him and his wife, but (like @kittykaty20) we do have a contingency list so we ARE hoping to invite them. We didn't send them a save-the-date just in case, though ...

    So far, no one's been as spectacularly rude to me as the ladies in the original post! GEEEEZ.
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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