MOH

jjhumdy · May 2011

Thanks for the advice.

ggirl2001 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2491f921-5f5e-43eb-b01c-95a543952a66Post:a0d156c7-cc8d-42eb-a0a0-553ec6b06d2b">MOH Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello All, My MOH is slacking on her duties. The only thing she has done thus far is help pick out the bridal party gowns and my wedding gown. And I do understand that she is financially strapped right now. Even though the wedding day isn't until Dec, I don't want to wait until the last min to get things done. I've tried to discuss ideas for the bridal shower (which I hope to have in Oct.) with her and I'm not receiving much feedback from her. i do have a few friends and my mom offering to assist with the shower. I have started to consider venues, and have purchased prizes, favors and paper products for the shower. I feel I already have enough on my plate with planning the wedding; the shower is something I shouldn't have to worry about, but I am so fearful the bridal shower will be unorganized.. I am also afraid I may end but having to purchase her dress, so we kinda had a conversation about maybe going with a cheaper options. NO FEEDBACK Really!! I don't want to micro-manage every aspect of the wedding. I am understanding to her situation, and don't want to be more of a burden, so how do I have the awkward conversation of possibly relieving her of the MOH duties? Or do I wait and hope she doesn't back two months before the wedding? Please help!
Posted by jjhumdy[/QUOTE]

Your MOH is not required to throw you a party or any other extra besides show up to your wedding in a dress.

dragossoul84 · May 2011

She doesnt have to throw you a shower its a gift her only job is to get the dress and show up. In regards to her dress ask her her budget and go from there you already you stated shes in a bit of bind right now

Mrs.B6302007 · May 2011

ditto PP.

Mrs.B6302007 · May 2011

ANd you need to get your hands out of the shower pot.

theluckiest555 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2491f921-5f5e-43eb-b01c-95a543952a66Post:a0d156c7-cc8d-42eb-a0a0-553ec6b06d2b">MOH Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Hello All, My MOH is slacking on her duties.</strong> The only thing she has done thus far is help pick out the bridal party gowns and my wedding gown. And I do understand that she is financially strapped right now. Even though the wedding day isn't until Dec, I don't want to wait until the last min to get things done. I've tried to discuss ideas for the bridal shower (which I hope to have in Oct.) with her and I'm not receiving much feedback from her. i do have a few friends and my mom offering to assist with the shower. I have started to consider venues, and have purchased prizes, favors and paper products for the shower. I feel I already have enough on my plate with planning the wedding; the shower is something I shouldn't have to worry about, but I am so fearful the bridal shower will be unorganized.. I am also afraid I may end but having to purchase her dress, so we kinda had a conversation about maybe going with a cheaper options. NO FEEDBACK Really!! I don't want to micro-manage every aspect of the wedding. I am understanding to her situation, and don't want to be more of a burden, so how do I have the awkward conversation of possibly relieving her of the MOH duties? Or do I wait and hope she doesn't back two months before the wedding? Please help!
Posted by jjhumdy[/QUOTE]

I couldn't read much more after the bolded part. I will repeat a common theme on TK boards, her only "duties" are to buy the dress and show up at the wedding wearing said dress. That is all. She does not need to throw you any parties. My MOH is my sister, and she is very busy with school and an internship this summer, so all I'm expecting is for her to show up on July 17th wearing the dress. If she wants to throw me a shower/bachlorette party, great, but if not, that is great too. The world does not stop just because you are getting married. People have lives which do not revolve around your wedding. So please do not expect her to do anything but buy the dress and show up at the wedding.

ggirl2001 · May 2011

If you get a cheaper dress, you might not have to purchase it. Or if you do purchase it, its cheap for you. We found the dresses for my MOH'S (yes I have two), right before Xmas on a final sale through Ann Taylor. They were $39. Seeing as it was right before xmas my best friend did not have the money for it, I bought it for her. She was happy, I was happy, and no harm done.

Also, please don't plan your own shower. Does your MOH want to throw you a shower? Did she ask you about a guest list or anything or are you just assuming?

teachermegs · May 2011

I agree with all of pps.

If your mom and other friends are offering to help with the shower, then let them and stop bothering your MOH about it.

KellyBrian2013 · May 2011

*head-desk* the crazies/bridezillas are out in full force this morning...

Ditto PP's. Her only "duties" as MOH are to show up on time in the right dress on your wedding day. That's it.

Did you ask her what her budget was BEFORE taking her shopping for dresses? Or did you just tell her to purchase X dress?

CassieeK · May 2011

I have nothing to offer but a sigh.

redheadfsu · May 2011

If you need someone to help with the wedding, hire a wedding planner. A MOH does not have "duties." Plus, you should never discuss the shower as the bride should have zero input on the shower. I'm sure she thinks you have turned into a bridezilla, which it kind of sounds like you have.

MyNameIsNot · May 2011

It sounds like she isn't planning on throwing you a shower. Which is totally fine, it isn't her responsibility. Her only duty is to get the dress. Everything else is optional.

You need to back off the shower. If someone decides to throw one, they will take care of the details. If they don't, you're going to look silly at best.

8daysaweek · May 2011

I'm amazed that you know your friend is having financial trouble and still expect her to throw a shower for you.
If other people have offered, accept from one of them. Do not expect your MOH to spend money she doesn't have to throw a party for you.

lizziec08 · May 2011

If she has gone to pick out bridal party dresses and your dress with you, it sounds like she has been a great MOH! If your wedding is not until December and the possible shower is not until October, she doesn't need to be doing anything right now. It doesn't sound like you have asked her to do anything that she has refused to do.

loves2shop4shoes · May 2011

Umm...you don't want to micromanage? Then stop.

You're kind of a control freak, aren't you?

ECI1151 · May 2011

You didn't lurk did ya?

jjhumdy · May 2011

First off the MOH brought up the idea of a shower or bachelorette party. I then in turn said I would prefer to not to have a bachelorette party, the conversation then continued with discussing a bridal shower. Excuse me I was only trying to help, given the situation. So no I'm not planning the shower nor am I bothering her. I picked 6-7 dresses for them to try on in various price points and the MOH and BM decided on a dress they would feel most comfortable in together.

FYI- i'm no where near being a bridezilla.

Thanks!!

lyndausvi · May 2011

DH and I planning a semi-international move in under 4 weeks.

I think your MOH has PLENTY of time to plan a bridal shower that is 5+ months away.

Really, you just need to chill.

sarah0725 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2491f921-5f5e-43eb-b01c-95a543952a66Post:17445faf-4817-416c-a8bc-19150866091a">Re: MOH Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]First off the MOH brought up the idea of a shower or bachelorette party. I then in turn said I would prefer to not to have a bachelorette party, the conversation then continued with discussing a bridal shower. Excuse me I was only trying to help, given the situation. So no I'm not planning the shower nor am I bothering her. I picked 6-7 dresses for them to try on in various price points and the MOH and BM decided on a dress they would feel most comfortable in together. FYI- i'm no where near being a bridezilla. Thanks!!
Posted by jjhumdy[/QUOTE]

This post sounds much different from your OP.

It sounds from all of this that you are right on track, and your MOH is doing just fine with her "duties". My wedding is in August, and my sister/MOH first brought up the topic of a shower in January. I gave her a guest list, and we brainstormed some locations. Then we futzed around for two months. Then in March, we actually started planning, and in April we secured the awesome native plant garden where we're having the shower. Invites went out at the end of April. Now we're awaiting RSVPs and discussing the menu, which we're going to cook together and bring to the shower location.

Sounds like you guys are firmly entrenched in the "futz" part of that timeline, which is a fine place to be eight months away from your wedding. Relax and enjoy.

redheadfsu · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2491f921-5f5e-43eb-b01c-95a543952a66Post:a0d156c7-cc8d-42eb-a0a0-553ec6b06d2b">MOH Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello All, <strong>My MOH is slacking on her duties.</strong>Posted by jjhumdy[/QUOTE]
<strong>
</strong>[QUOTE]<strong>I have started to consider venues, and have purchased prizes, favors and paper products for the shower.</strong> Posted by jjhumdy[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE]<strong>do I have the awkward conversation of possibly relieving her of the MOH duties? Or do I wait and hope she doesn't back two months before the wedding? Please help!</strong>
Posted by jjhumdy[/QUOTE]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2491f921-5f5e-43eb-b01c-95a543952a66Post:17445faf-4817-416c-a8bc-19150866091a">Re: MOH Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]First off the MOH brought up the idea of a shower or bachelorette party. I then in turn said I would prefer to not to have a bachelorette party, the conversation then continued with discussing a bridal shower. Excuse me I was only trying to help, given the situation. <strong>So no I'm not planning the shower nor am I bothering her.</strong> I picked 6-7 dresses for them to try on in various price points and the MOH and BM decided on a dress they would feel most comfortable in together. FYI- i'm no where near being a bridezilla. Thanks!!
Posted by jjhumdy[/QUOTE]

You bought stuff for the shower, thus you are planning it.

Plus, the "possibly relieving her of the MOH duties"<strong> </strong>makes it sound like you are thinking of kicking her out of the wedding. Which is horrible & will end your friendship. If you are just talking about the shower, then have the others that want to plan your shower talk to the MOH to see if she still wants to host/throw the shower. But you need to not discuss the shower at all from this point on.

browneydgrl · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2491f921-5f5e-43eb-b01c-95a543952a66Post:84b9bb2f-207f-40e9-b153-069a1e1913b0">Re: MOH Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]You didn't lurk did ya?
Posted by ECI1151[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>LOL</div>

lazydayz2003 · May 2011

Why are you planning your own bridal shower? That's a big no - no. First of all it's super tacky and secondly no one is obligated to have one for you. MOH or not. I think you need to get off her back. It sounds like she is doing a great job so far. And since you know she is strapped for cash you are not being a very good friend yourself.

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