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I need to vent

mrsbananymrsbanany member
100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
edited January 2014 in Snarky Brides
FI and I got engaged 2 months ago. A month later his sister got married so for that month basically every conversation was about her wedding, which I totally understand and is no big deal. However, her wedding was a month ago, it's over and there has been literally no discussion, inquiry, anything about our engagement. At the beginning there was and it was minimal - "congratulations" but with the other wedding fast approaching, I get it. But since then, no one has asked - "how did it happen" "were you surprised" "when's the date" etc. all those annoying questions you're supposed to get sick of answering.

The other day we were at a family party. His aunt who has two daughters - the youngest is my age - and his aunt so desperately wants those girls to be engaged. The conversation at the party was all about engagements. However, it was mostly his aunt fantasizing about her daughters' future engagements!!! These dream engagement conversations have been going on ever since the wedding. In fact, at the wedding, his aunt came up to me and said "this is so beautiful I bet *daughter* is next". Ummmm no she's not even engaged yet!! My FI and I are next! I just feel like our engagement was forgotten about in the mix of his sisters wedding and the wedding fever that everyone is caught up in since the wedding. Is it selfish that I want to talk about the venue I've picked out or the colors I like or basically anything else to someone other than my MOH, my mom and my FI??? I want his family to be interested! I just want to say to her, when your daughter gets engaged I will want to know every detail about it, but she's not. It would be nice if they wanted to know every detail about our engagement like normal family members!!

ETA: autocorrect
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Re: I need to vent

  • tcnobletcnoble member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Honestly? Nobody will ever care as much about your engagement and wedding details as much as you. I had a fleeting moment feeling the same way you did - it's like HELLO I JUST GOT ENGAGED DONT YOU ALL WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT AND TALK WEDDING THINGS?? But really... nope nobody does. It's super exciting because it happened to YOU, not everyone else. It can be a bummer but don't let it diminish your excitement and enthusiasm. People might ask questions here and there but for many, your wedding isn't tomorrow so the details aren't important yet. Just have fun talking with the people who ARE genuinely happy to hear about it - your FI, mom, and MOH.
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    It sucks that they aren't as excited as you want them to be. I'm sure it's hurtful but I doubt it's meant to be. No one will ever be as excited about your wedding as you are so sometimes you just have to accept that because you can't do anything to force them to be excited.

    Maybe they will get more excited as the wedding gets closer and you could try inviting them to be a part of some minor planning, like going cake tasting but if they aren't excited in the end you won't be able to change that so there's no point in focusing on it.


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  • mrsbananymrsbanany member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I don't want to focus on it and I understand that no one will ever be as excited. But, honestly, we are going to talk about the engagement and wedding of people who aren't even engaged before you ask a single question? It is just so frustrating when everyone is excited about engagements that haven't even happened yet!! I mean, yes everyone fantasizes but saying your daughter is "next" when she isn't even engaged yet? Honestly any acknowledgment of our engagement - outside of conversation of your daughter's future engagement - would be nice, anything at all. His family is still referring to me as *FI's* girlfriend, it's a hard habit to break when you've been together a long time, but just being referred to as fiance is enough for me.  I'm not asking for everyone to drop everything and beg for details, just don't ignore the fact that your nephew is getting married.  
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  • tcnobletcnoble member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Some of it could be jealousy too - they want their daughter to be engaged SO bad, they'll just ignore your engagement because it bothers them. And with that, whatever let them have their jealousy. Hopefully they come around and can find it within themselves to be happy for you guys too!
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  • BelthilBelthil member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    It sucks that his family doesn't seem excited. If the comments are bothering your FI he should politely correct people, but it's important that he's the one that brings attention to it.

    On the bright side us ladies on TK are more than happy to talk about all your wedding details :)
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  • Emmy1493Emmy1493 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Ehhh. I wouldn't worry too much over it. When I got engaged, people were excited, but then that was it. No one will be as excited as you. I know it seems frustrating, but some people aren't going to be all up in your cool-aid about it, and honestly maybe it's for the best. Then you wont have people questioning your ideas, etc. JMO. But feel free to vent away here, we love wedding talk!
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  • Jessa617 Jessa617 member
    1000 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    One of the things you need to remember is that your fiance's aunt is going to be more excited about her own child's wedding (or future wedding) than someone that's not part of the family yet. That's just a given. My aunt doesn't even know my husband! I would expect her to care more about her children than him. 

    Secondly, you got your congratulations, that should be enough for now. When you actually start narrowing down the date you will need to check with your VIPs and you'll have to talk about it at that point. Maybe that will entice them to start up a conversation with you about it. 

    Lastly, you should count your blessings. I was sick of talking about my wedding 8 months before it happened because it was all anyone ever asked me about. I missed having normal conversations with people. I didn't want to hear their opinions or their ideas. And yes, that's what the knot is for. You can come here for all of your questions, all your vents/rants, anything you want. 
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    PPs all make a really good point-- when you're the one who's engaged, it feels like the engagement is the only important thing.  To everybody else, they're happy for you but it just isn't their life.

    I had similar moments too.  My dad really just couldn't care less.  He's very proud of my academic/life accomplishments, but weddings just aren't his thing.  I get really jealous watching weddingshows where the dad is crying over his daughter's wedding.  That just will never be my dad.  It hurts, but you just have to accept it.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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  • mulloyasmulloyas member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    I totally get where you're coming from. My FI and I got engaged last December and his cousin was married in April. Although I doubt my experience was as frustrating since we had a little bit of a gap, but it's still hard to talk about your wedding that's 18 months away when a cousin's wedding is right around the corner and on everyone's mind.

    Have you and your fiance had an engagement party? Not everyone does them but we did a really informal one last June (a year to the date from our 2014 wedding date) and celebrated at our house with BBQ by the pool. One of my bridesmaids did a cute "shoe" game where we answered questions about each other and raised the person's shoe who we felt fit the question best. This might be a fun way to spend time with your family/friends and celebrate your engagement. Hope that helps!
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  • mrsbananymrsbanany member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    @mulloyas We haven't done an engagement party and I think at this point it might be too late. I would love to do it though because his family is huge and I would love my family to understand what huge really means.  I think we will just have to wait until the shower to have the first real "celebration" of our engagement.
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  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I hear you - it's annoying but oh well. My FI's extended family loves to tease his cousin and his girlfriend about being "next" to have a baby regardless of the fact that we've been together 3 times longer and are getting married. It annoys me but it's not up to me how they think or what they say.

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