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Is it rude to not invite children even though my own children will be there?

rsgreenwayrsgreenway member
edited January 2014 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My children are part of the wedding party(flower girl/ring bearer) however I dont want to have everyone's children at the wedding. Children can be loud and it will be extra dinner that will most likely be wasted. Is it rude to say no children aloud if my children are there?
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Re: Is it rude to not invite children even though my own children will be there?

  • melbelleupmelbelleup member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    You can invite children in circles. It's perfectly fine to have your own children there and no other children :)
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    No, not rude at all.  Just because your children will be there does not mean that everyone else should be allowed to bring their children.  Just like you decide what adults to invite you can do the same with kids.  Except that you can't split up a family, meaning you can't invite some of the kids and not the others (this only applys for kids under 18).

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  • misshart00misshart00 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    It is fine to have only your children there. However, don't write "no children" on the invitation.
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  • phiraphira member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Nope. We recommend inviting children in circles and trying not to split up siblings. Obviously, you can have no kids at your wedding except for your own kids, assuming you're not inviting like ... ONE of your kids and not another.

    I'd recommend NOT working too hard to justify (to us or your guests) why you aren't inviting children. I don't know you at all and I'm giving your post all kinds of side eye about how loud children can be and how they're a waste of food (and therefore money, it's implied). I've got some seriously well-behaved little cousins, and venues typically charge a great deal less for children than they do for adults.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    No, it's not rude.  But don't mention anything like "Adults Only" on the invitation or give an explanation as to why your children but no others are present.
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  • BelthilBelthil member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    It's not rude to only have your children there and no one else's. Just don't mention that children aren't allowed on the invitations, that's when it becomes rude.
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  • KittyKaty20KittyKaty20 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I guess you could do this...but only if you want everyone to know you like your children more than other people's children.
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I wouldn't think twice about it. To me, it's a no-brainer that the children of the bride and groom would be in attendance.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    KittyKaty20 said:
    I guess you could do this...but only if you want everyone to know you like your children more than other people's children.
    That's a given, usually, for every parent-that they like their own children more than any other person's children.

    And it's actually expected.
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  • CrazyCatLady3CrazyCatLady3 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    KittyKaty20 said:
    I guess you could do this...but only if you want everyone to know you like your children more than other people's children.
    This is snark, right?
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  • misscoffeepleasemisscoffeeplease member
    Tenth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Nope, not rude. You get to choose who you want at your wedding. I want my daughter there at our wedding but I'm only having an adult only ceremony and reception.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited January 2014
    MrsLynn said:
    Nope, not rude. You get to choose who you want at your wedding. I want my daughter there at our wedding but I'm only having an adult only ceremony and reception.
    If that means you're excluding your daughter from the reception, that won't fly with etiquette.  Everyone, adult or child, invited to the ceremony has to be invited to the reception, which is a thank-you to the guests for coming.  It's not appropriate to expect your daughter to attend the ceremony along with all your other guests and then not thank her as well just because she is a minor.  If you want to exclude her from the reception, you must also exclude her from the ceremony-no exceptions.
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  • InkdancerInkdancer member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    @Jen4948 She did say ceremony and reception, so I think her daughter will be at both or neither.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Inkdancer said:
    @Jen4948 She did say ceremony and reception, so I think her daughter will be at both or neither.
    Well, her exact wording was

    I want my daughter there at our wedding but I'm only having an adult only ceremony and reception.

    So it is on the surface ambiguous.  I hope you're right about her daughter being at both or neither, because that's the only polite way to do it.
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