Inviting out-of-towners to a bridal shower

themuffinman16 · January 2014

I expect that most people who live out of town will not be able to make it to my bridal shower. I will be thrilled if they can make it to the wedding. Should I invite these people (second cousins, and close friends) to the bridal shower? I don't want them to be offended thinking I am just trying to get gifts, on the other hand, if I don't invite them, they could get offended that I didn't think of them for this occasion. What is proper etiquette?

JaxInBlue · January 2014

If you would be excited to have them come, and there is even a small possibility they might be interested in attending, I don't think there is harm in sending an invitation.

What has been done in your family and among your friends in the past? I did not ask that OOT friends be invited to my shower, but did ask that several OOT aunts and cousins be included as my family's tradition is to include them even if it's unlikely they would travel; among my family an invitation is seen as a way to keep the family involved and up-to-date. I'm not sure there is a hard and fast rule on where to draw the line except the standard no non-wedding invitees on the shower guest list.

vk2204 · January 2014

I left that decision up to my mother, she and my sister hosted our shower. I am one of the last to get married in my family and she asked her sisters what they did, and they invited everyone and if they could make it, awesome. If not, oh well - but they were all happy to have received an invitation.

misssunshine17 · January 2014

I would also ask someone in your family who was recently married. This happened for a baby shower in my family and the OOT person was so pissed, when SIL threw my shower, we made sure to send her a courtesy invite.

melbelleup · January 2014

I vote send it, even to your friends. I'm currently OOT from all of my friends and family, but I wouldn't want to be excluded from something just because of it. That being said, I did turn down the majority of the showers, but I still got them something. It's just nice to be thought of, and a bonus if I can make it.

CTYankeeBride · January 2014

Another vote for inviting the OOT guests. An invitation isn't a demand notice, and the guest has the option to decline the invite. Generally you run more of a risk hurting someone's feelings if you don't invite them vs. inviting them with the understanding that they may not be able to travel.

Mkincaid2014 · January 2014

I also agree, invite the out of town people. When I was a maid of honor a few years ago for a friend in TX, I volunteered to host a shower here in DC so she could have the groom's family and her college friends come (none of us could afford to make the trek to TX, but she was going to be here for a long weekend with her fiance). I had an extra 10 invitations made so that I could send them to the bridesmaids and her family who all lived in TX. Her mother and other family members were so grateful for the invitation; her mother wrote me the sweetest thank-you note and I still have it. When it came time for her local family to throw her a TX shower, they also sent invitations to me and the groom's family, even though they knew none of us could make it. I thought it was very nice of them and felt included despite being so far away.

lyndausvi · January 2014

I think this is a case of knowing your audience. If you don't know personally then ask a mom or maybe an aunt who is in the know on how other feels on the subject. Every family has a woman who is in then know. In my family is my mom's oldest sister. DH's it is his mom.

In my case we invited my FMIL, 2 SILS and 1 cousin to the shower that was 4 hours away (they traveled together). We also invited my aunt who is 3 hours away. My aunt attends everything. She is down for every holiday, wedding, funeral, whatever. She would have been very hurt not to get an invite simply because they were OOT.

However, my aunt on my dad's side attends nothing. I think she would be all "why did they send me an invite for an OOT shower?"

Maggie0829 · January 2014

I had two out of towers on my bridal shower list. One came and one didn't, but I could not have imagined not inviting them just because they live out of state.

Edit: I should add that one is a close friend and the other is my SIL so two people I know well not some distant cousin who I hardly ever see or speak with.

moosette113 · January 2014

I would prefer to be invited and not be able to attend than be left off the list entirely. When my now-SIL was putting together her shower invite list, MIL asked her why I wasn't included. She didn't think to include me because she thought I wouldn't make the "long trip" (I live in central NJ, the shower was in Philly- it's a little over an hour drive). Aunts that lived slightly further away weren't included, and we definitely heard about it for months after.

For my own shower, I included aunts on both my side and now-H's side who I know couldn't come, but it was more a sign of respect than a gift solicitation (and they contacted me after the fact to thank me for the invitation, even though they couldn't come).

crackktheskyy · January 2014

I would invite OOT guests.

From a guest's perspective, I was invited to an OOT bridal shower for a cousin of mine and I felt totally flattered. I rarely get to see her and I thought it was very sweet that she thought to invite me to share in the special day with her. I was not able to attend, but I definitely appreciated the gesture.

HisGirlFriday13 · January 2014

I would invite them. They might not be able to come, but they will probably appreciate the invite. And an invite is not an invoice; being invited doesn't mean you have to send a gift if you can't go.

mizangi · January 2014

I'm inviting my OOT aunts KNOWING there's no way they will drive 5 hours to come to my shower. Because I would feel weird excluding them all together.

doeydo · January 2014

If you want them there, I would invite them. A couple of years ago, my sisters, mom, grandma, and I drove hours to go to my cousin's bridal shower. We wanted to be there and probably would have been hurt if she didn't bother to invite us.