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And Guest or And SO's Name?

garnetandgold60garnetandgold60 member
100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
in Wedding Invitations & Paper
Hello to all! I've been lurking an occasionally posting around here for a while, but I figured now's a good time to jump into making a new discussion.

We're getting ready to order invitations tonight (Yay!) and so invitation wording has come up and I'm really confused & would love some advice!

My mother believes it's proper etiquette to have all inner envelopes to people say "Jane Doe and guest" whether they are in a relationship or are just able to invite a guest. (This is besides married couples of course...)

However, from what I've seen on here, it's considered rude to not find the SO's name and put it on the invite/inner envelope (Jane Doe and John Smith).

I've googled as much as I can about the proper etiquette and have found a lot of conflicting answers (even on Emily Post AND Miss Manners).

To the two weddings I've been to recently, it was always addressed on the inner envelope as "klc09d and Guest," which never bothered me (one was my cousins wedding where she knows my Fi, then bf). Honestly, never crossed my mind it was rude.

But since I've read so much on here about it, I guess I'm asking...Is it actually against etiquette or just perceived as rude to have "Jane Doe and Guest?"

This is not a hill I will die on in argument against my mom, I'm just genuinely curious. By the way, sorry for the novel...I'm on my phone and had a hard time organizing my thoughts!
Anniversary
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Re: And Guest or And SO's Name?

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Of the person is in a relationship then name the SO.
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  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    It is proper to invite all guests by name. If your guest has a SO, invite them by name. If your guest is single and you are allowing them to bring anyone of their choosing, put and guest.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Inviting your guests by name is always appropriate.

    Only if you want your guests to be able to bring guests of their choice should you use "and guest."  If they are in relationships, then you need to honor the relationships by listing their SOs by name.  In fact, using "and guest" in those instances is very insulting to them because it suggests that they are not in recognized relationships.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Your mother is incorrect.  If a specific person exists, you should invite them by name.  "& guest" should only be used when the person is permitted to bring a random guest.  Actually, according to traditional etiquette, even that is improper.  Instead, you are supposed to send the invitation to the person and call or enclose a note that says that they may bring along a date, and "& guest" should never appear in print.  (Although this is rarely followed anymore.)

    Using "& guest" may not have bothered you or your FI, but many people do take that as a slight or a comment on the relationship.  Avoid the potential for hurt feelings and address the invitation properly.  Smile and nod at your mother, and then do it properly.  
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  • tammym1001tammym1001 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Jen4948 said:
    Inviting your guests by name is always appropriate.

    Only if you want your guests to be able to bring guests of their choice should you use "and guest."  If they are in relationships, then you need to honor the relationships by listing their SOs by name.  In fact, using "and guest" in those instances is very insulting to them because it suggests that they are not in recognized relationships.
    All of this. I'm not an easily offended person, but someone referring to me as "and guest" when I've been with FI for almost 10 years pisses me off every time. If you can't take the time to use my name then I can't take the time to buy you a gift and come to your event. It's especially bad if you know their name and you just choose not to use it. 
    image
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  • garnetandgold60garnetandgold60 member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Thanks all for the replies! I figured I was "in the right" (so to speak) on this. I just needed backup. :)

    Like I said, it doesn't bother me one whit to be an "and guest," but I know it bothers a lot of people. I would rather not offend my friends and family for the sake of a few less minutes FB stalking someone. And hey, if I call them or text them...I get to catch up with their lives as well! Win-win!
    Anniversary
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