I need to vent about how others talk about my ring!

edandy · January 2014

Mostly my mother and his mother. They boast about how big it is to everyone else, including my sisters and his sisters and his cousins. On his side of the family there are 4 weddings happening this year, and for some reason it became a competition between all the mothers!!! It was horrifying and embarrassing. I think all us younger brides were equally embarrassed. We spent Christmas day with his family, and the only thing I could do was keep telling everyone how happy I was and how excited I was to marry him. I can't believe they are comparing rings instead of asking me if I have plans yet anything like that. I'm pretty sure it made his younger cousin (who is engaged as well) feel bad. I made a point to ask her about her plans and give her a chance to have some spotlight.

I keep reminding my mother and MIL that the only opinion of the ring that matters is my opinion. In addition, my ring is pretty unique and my fiance and I agreed it would be best if I didn't get a wedding band added. My engagement ring will double as my wedding ring, and that doesn't seem to sit well with our family members. I don't honestly think it's that weird, and I'm wondering what everyone here's opinions were. I didn't feel I could vent about all this without seeming ungrateful or making everyone feel bad, so I just decided to insist that the money doesn't matter, but our marriage does.

jessiray · January 2014

That really stinks that your mother and MIL are acting like that. I know of someone who's engagement ring doubles as her wedding band. It's not that weird, and it would look really over-the-top with a wedding band. It seems like you're a really great person who has her priorities straight. Good luck

AddieCake · January 2014

My aunt has a very unique ring that she couldn't find a band to match well with, so she just wears the engagement ring as her wedding ring. Tell your mother to stop embarrassing you by talking about your ring. Perhaps if she knew you were embarrassed, she would stop.

JCbride2015 · January 2014

Yeah, I think it's a good idea to take your mom aside and say you're embarrassed. She'd probably stop then.

There are three couples in Fi's close family who are engaged, including us. My ring is the biggest and I'm pretty sure our wedding budget is also substantially higher. It does make me a little uncomfortable when talking wedding stuff, even though there's no outright comparison like you're describing. FI's brother is going first, and the other couple hasn't set a date yet, so at least right now most of the attention is off of us. Just keep trying to ask the other brides about their plans and keep the conversation away from rings.

Inkdancer · January 2014

Ergh. My mom got this when she got engaged... the way her stone is set makes it look much larger than it is, so she gets lots of "oh my god he must have spent so much money." It's very rude to talk about other people's money, but it's like everyone forgets that when it's wedding-related.

I wish you luck and patience, friend.

Ven&Radio · January 2014

People can be so rude!

As for the rings, I'm of the opinion it's your ring and your hand, you should be able to wear your ring(s) however you want to. Some people may ask questions if you only wear one ring. You should do what you're comfortable with and not worry about how other people will perceive it.

mimiphin · January 2014

edandy said:

Mostly my mother and his mother. They boast about how big it is to everyone else, including my sisters and his sisters and his cousins. On his side of the family there are 4 weddings happening this year, and for some reason it became a competition between all the mothers!!! It was horrifying and embarrassing. I think all us younger brides were equally embarrassed. We spent Christmas day with his family, and the only thing I could do was keep telling everyone how happy I was and how excited I was to marry him. I can't believe they are comparing rings instead of asking me if I have plans yet anything like that. I'm pretty sure it made his younger cousin (who is engaged as well) feel bad. I made a point to ask her about her plans and give her a chance to have some spotlight.

I keep reminding my mother and MIL that the only opinion of the ring that matters is my opinion. In addition, my ring is pretty unique and my fiance and I agreed it would be best if I didn't get a wedding band added. My engagement ring will double as my wedding ring, and that doesn't seem to sit well with our family members. I don't honestly think it's that weird, and I'm wondering what everyone here's opinions were. I didn't feel I could vent about all this without seeming ungrateful or making everyone feel bad, so I just decided to insist that the money doesn't matter, but our marriage does.

edandy, You should post a picture of your ring, I am curious to see what all the fuss is about!
Also I think that you are in the right, its your wedding and as long as you and your FI are happy with it that is what matters!

SayMoi · January 2014

^ Agree, do post! But if it helps, my FMIL spent months obsessing over what my ring would be. She literally asked that we be dropped off at a mall while I was out with the FILs without telling me why, took me to a jewelry store, and made me try on rings and tell my favorites. She vetoed my first ring choice for being too cheap. Evidently she wanted to be a jewelry designer at one point. It worked out ok...fiancé and I privately agreed to use his grandmother's ring. Haven't heard a single word since. ^.^

edandy · January 2014

Thanks everyone for the replies! I feel much better just venting about it. I'm going to skirt the issue until it happens again, I think after the initial shock wears off the mothers will be okay. They already moved onto finding reception sites! I'm going to have my hands full dealing with them, lol. I'm glad they are into it.

The picture was taken in a dark bar, so it doesn't do it justice.

http://imgur.com/Z6ru0My

mimiphin · January 2014

Oh, that's pretty! Me Likes!!!!

Kauris · January 2014

The first few months after we got engaged, my mom practically ripped my arm off grabbing my hand and showing people. I think it's sweet that they are excited and they probably don't realize they are being silly!

And it is very pretty!

edandy · January 2014

Thank you! I knew other people had family like me. I just knew it....

LDay2014 · January 2014

I think a lot of it comes down to Mom just being excited that her daughter is 'stable' and happy. As a parent (my kids are 5 and 6) all I want for them is to be happy and not have to struggle. And it's possible that she sees the ring as a promise that someone will look out for you for the rest of your life. It's an old school type of 'accomplishment' and she is proud of you as her daughter.

That's my thought anyway.

Cookie Pusher · January 2014

Your ring is gorgeous! I got a lot of flack about my ring when FI and I finally got engaged. It's larger than most of my friends' rings because, well, we got engaged many years after our friends did so had more disposable income. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed, but it seems so petty when people make a big deal out of it.

As for the wedding band thing, are you going to get even just a non-expensive band to wear if you travel and don't want to wear your actual ring or if your ring is being cleaned/fixed? My mother did that to appease my grandparents because she didn't want to wear a band with her intricate ring.

JennyColada · January 2014

Cookie Pusher said:

Your ring is gorgeous! I got a lot of flack about my ring when FI and I finally got engaged. It's larger than most of my friends' rings because, well, we got engaged many years after our friends did so had more disposable income. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed, but it seems so petty when people make a big deal out of it.

Same here. It makes me kind of uncomfortable when my friends mention how "sparkly" it is. Fi's mom one time joked "oh no, get your sunglasses!" I mean, I guess I should be flattered, but I'm really not the type of person to flaunt money or jewelry or anything really (so it kind of amazes me that Fi bought me such a gorgeous ring).

I always kind of worry that my friends that could afford less somehow think I'm bragging by showing them my ring (even though THEY are always the ones who ask). I'm just so darn insecure about stuff like that, so I'm probably the only one second-guessing it.

I'm kinda just worried that people will think I'm a gold-digger or something (which is really such a preposterous idea, and it's totally irrational for me to worry that people see me like that).

edandy · January 2014

Yes I do plan on getting a plain band for when I work sometimes and for travel. I work in dangerous areas sometimes and I don't want to have to fight someone over my ring. Because I will fight someone if they try to take my ring.

kerbohl · January 2014

I am also doubling my engagement ring as my wedding band. Mine is "similar" to yours in that it narrows at certain parts, making it not look good when paired with another ring. I love how it is by itself, and I'm not getting another ring with it. I figure when I don't want to wear it when I travel/am in a dangerous spot, I just won't wear a ring.

I need to vent about how others talk about my ring!

Re: I need to vent about how others talk about my ring!

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