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So when is enough, enough?

GrrArghGrrArgh member
250 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
in Chit Chat
We are getting married in our temple Saturday. I sent out itineraries a week or so ago so every knew what time everything was happening from the temple ceremony to the ring ceremony (we're Mormon so it's not a "typical" wedding setup) and reception. I say this so you all understand, everyone in the WP and all FPILs and My parents, everyone who needs to know...knows I am getting dressed in the main building and then my dad is walking me up the temple steps at 1pm Saturday. Everyone including FMIL has mentioned and asked several times just to verify 1pm, we are starting at 1pm. 

So recently the daughter of a fi's family's friend died suddenly and tragically. The family has my deepest condolences and they need and deserve to have very ounce of love and compassion around them they can get in this time of need. The mother is just the sweetest woman you've ever met and is unbelievably thoughtful, more so than I would have probably been. She called my FMIL to ask her what time our temple ceremony is happening, they are setting up a viewing in the main building and did not want to conflict if at all possible with our wedding. Super sweet, totally unnecessary but this woman really is just that considerate of a person. 

my FMIL told her our wedding starts at 11am, (our wedding is at 1pm as previously mentioned) so now the viewing is scheduled directly during the same time as our wedding. Again I don't really mind sharing the space, especially with so wonderful and beautiful a family who is sorely in need of love and support in their time of grief. I am however dumbstruck by my FMIL inability to remember what time her eldest son is getting married... in 3 days. Fi says he is "done" with her. I'm not so sure I should play peacemaker in this case. 

This is not the first incident where she has completely disregarded important moments in his life, and she seems to have spent the last month or so purging all memories of him from her house. If he wants to be done with her, we're done with her. I guess enough is enough.
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Re: So when is enough, enough?

  • KytchynWitcheKytchynWitche member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    If it was me, I'd step back and let FI make that call. Obviously there's more to this than what you've just told us if FI is ready to be "done" with her, and I'm thinking there may be more to it than even you are aware of. 

    It's FI's family, he's got to be the one in the driving seat, or he could end up resenting you.
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  • doeydodoeydo member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    What other issues are there besides her forgetting important times/dates?  My mom has no idea what's going on unless she looks in the calender, but I don't fault her for it. 
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    This is enough. I remember some of your other threads/comments about your FMIL, and this is the last straw.

    I'd have your FI handle it, as @urbaneca said, but if he says he's done, let that stand.

    Un.freaking.believeable.

    But congrats on the wedding -- Mormon weddings seem so interesting to me!
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • GrrArghGrrArgh member
    250 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    doeydo said:
    What other issues are there besides her forgetting important times/dates?  My mom has no idea what's going on unless she looks in the calender, but I don't fault her for it. 
    It's been a life time worth of stuff. I think this is just his last straw. She is not bad with dates or times, never has been. She's doing this to be passive aggressive, she's mad at us for opting to get married in the temple which we did not feel like was an option. Its part of our faith and we'd not be married any other way. 

    Our families are not all members, which means they can't go in for the actual sealing (again sucks, we acknowledge this sucks but its simply a sacrifice we have to make to do what our faith dictates.) we were not going to be the couple who made a bunch of people sit around and wait for us. 

    My parents wanted to wait for us, thus are going to be in the waiting area. Fi' parents are members but we are not velvet roping the wedding. If the entire family can't go in, then no family is going in. We do not want to start our union by splitting our families, so any family that chooses to come to the temple that day may wait as a family in the waiting room. FI told her it would mean a lot to us if they would wait with my folks (the non-members.) she agreed and acknowledged the time.

     So she's mad, we knew she would be. We expected some huffs and snottiness close to day of. We did not expect her to be so flippant. She is claiming we never told her what time, and that we never said we even wanted her at the temple (wrong and wrong.) Now her daughter are taking their ques from her They have kids in the WP and are saying they are going to be late for the pics/ring ceremony because of the funeral. I told them we'd proceed as normal, if they make it in time great they will get pictures. If not, oh well. 

    The funeral is important I understand, and if they feel the need to go say goodbye to this person is more important than our wedding that's fine too. It doesn't bother me, they aren't my family and I do not know the girl that passed. It just hurts my Fi and that makes me very sad. 
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  • melbelleupmelbelleup member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    Sadly, some people are air heads to say the very least. My grandpap kept joking around about the time of my brother's wedding. Every time we'd correct him and every time he'd say oh I know I'm just messing with you guys. He showed up an hour late...
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  • GrrArghGrrArgh member
    250 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    melbelleup said:
    Sadly, some people are air heads to say the very least. My grandpap kept joking around about the time of my brother's wedding. Every time we'd correct him and every time he'd say oh I know I'm just messing with you guys. He showed up an hour late...
    sadly knowing his mother, and the way this was done. I fear it's a bit more vindictive than that. And I'm usually the sort that gives the benefit of the doubt to people. 
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  • csousa1csousa1 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    That does sound passive aggressive from what you say, and that's a shame. I feel bad for the mother of the girl who passed away, who went out of her way to not conflict with your ceremony and will now doubtless be embarassed that it's at the EXACT SAME TIME. Your FMIL's using this poor woman to get back at you both would make me want to be done with her, too.
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  • Teddy917Teddy917 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    What temple are you getting married at?
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